A mile in my shoes
by nutmeg17
Summary: HS AU. Am I evil? No, well at least I don't think so. Am I a pervert? No, though once again that seems to be a matter of opinion. Am I an adult? Can I vote, legally drink? No, I'm seventeen, I'm a school boy, a Christian and I'm gay, I know tell me about.
1. Chapter 1

**Heya! so yeah. new story, I haven't forgotten about the others but this one seemed to just flow out of me, okay i hoped that wouldnt sound as weird as it did, but anyway i think you understand :P**

**This is what happens when i stare at a new blank word document page and then just type and type lol**

**its a high school AU and written in first person**

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><p>My so called 'treatment' began two months ago, though in my eyes there was no part of me that needing treating. Despite this I went along with it for my dads sake, even though I didn't hold much hope at all for success, doubted it was even possible. Though my father had hope enough for both of us, well not so much hope more a desperate last resort to make me right, to fix me.<p>

Two months of; one to one psychoanalysis, group theory, a structured gruelling routine and some less fun electroshock theory, and all I could ask myself was; did I disgust father that much? Did I really deserve all this?

Am I evil? No, well at least I don't think so. Am I a pervert? No, though once again that seems to be a matter of opinion. Am I an adult? Can I vote, legally drink? No, I'm seventeen, I'm a school boy, a Christian and I'm gay, I know tell me about.

I never asked to be this way, I never choose to be gay, believe me if I could be straight I probably would, of course that's impossible. But it I could I would, just to make the hate disappear from my fathers eyes.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed to like cock, because I do, I love it. Hey I'm seventeen hormones are raging, and with that in mind let me tell you the best part of my life. Twice a week I'm put in a room with this thing attached to my dick with pictures of naked guys in front of me, of course it so happens that if I start to get a boner I get a shock, through my dick. It hurts like a bitch. Though it's given me a hell of a lot self control and a high pain tolerance but I am still as gay as when I entered the establishment. Not that my father knows this.

As far my father and the staff are concerned the programme has _'re-established my lack of masculinity'_- which I think is complete crap I was plenty man enough before the programme, ask the pool boy. Not that my father will or can ever hear about that, _'replaced preferences in my inefficient and underdeveloped mind to desire a female mate'_, bullshit. Oh and my favourite they have _'eradiated my sex drive'_- on account on my self control, and a tip I learnt from a comrade; if you wank non stop the night before and just before you go into that room, your cock is so tired and spent that it would find it difficult to stand to attention if a naked, chocolate covered Russell Brand came into the room, I know okay I have a thing for unattainable, straight, rebellious men, sue me. In hindsight that, might have explained a few things later on, but right now, I'm about to be released into my fathers care.

Unfortunately on arrival at that institution they did a horrifying strip search so my dad consequently found out about my tattoos. Something I think he has yet to forgive me for. I started to smoke in that place for the stress; there was also something vaguely satisfying about sucking on something long and round, felt like I was getting a one up on the system and now I'm addicted. Not that my dad will ever know of course. Just one more lye to live with.

This is where we begin, me and my dad in his car with all our possessions either in the back seat or the removal van following us to our new home The drive was full of awkward silence, I swear it's been years since we had an honest to god convocation.

We are moving to some small one horse town in Kansas, I wish we could have stayed in L.A. but my dad is convinced that is another reason for my previous 'condition'. He believed this so much he took my mobile and smashed it making it impossible for me to see or talk to my friends, friends that I had had for years since I was in kinder garden.

If I didn't pity my dad so much I would have been angry at him, he seemed so scared of what I was, who I was shaping up to be. He doesn't seem to understand that it's in my blood set in my DNA nothing can change that, of course he doesn't that would just make my life just too easy. Can't have that.

So we're moving to a new town, to a new state that no one knows that I was 'once' gay; I just love how proud my dad is of me.

So this is me, I'm seventeen, about to start a new high school, my dad is a religious freak and as far as the world is concerned I'm straight.

My name is Castiel and welcome to my life.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed the first chapter :D <strong>**it will be updated tomorrow :')**

**please review and tell me what you think xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to those that have reviewed the first chapter :D**

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><p>After a hell of a long drive we pulled up outside our new house. It was a quant kinda modest family home, but way too big for just two people. Though I expect it's just big enough for two people if one wants to stay as far away from the other as possible.<p>

I sighed and I undone my belt and opened my car door. My dad grabbed my arm and spoke to me for the first time since leaving our old state.

"Remember why we moved Castiel. Do not live to disappoint me."

"I won't father, I'm cured remember? The doctor said. No need to worry anymore." I lied through my teeth, don't get me wrong just because I can lye and do it very well, doesn't mean I like lying to my only remaining parent, I do it out of necessity.

If my dad suspected anything he didn't say it, in fact he seemed to relax a little at my answer and huffed as he got out the car. He waited for the removal van to come around the corner and flag it down.

As my father waited for the van I took the several suitcases and boxes out of the car and placed them on the drive, I walked up to my dad about to ask for the key so I could them inside, my dad though had other plans.

Although my dad did in fact believed I had joined the side of the breeders, I could tell he was still nervous and didn't want me to be tempted, so gave me $20 and the car keys with instruction to suss out the town and buy some milk and also some school supplies.

I took the keys and money with a fake smile and thanked him, the smile got harder to hold when he said he wanted to see receipts for everything. Oh so much trust there. I nodded and moved to the car, it pissed me off when he told me not to talk to anyone, did he really think that's how I worked, you say hi to someone and the next thing you're fucking in the alley.

My dad needed to get a grip, but I couldn't blame him for being who he is, that would be hypocritical of me considering I just want him to love me for who I am.

As I was driving down the street I caught sight of the removal van pulled up at the house through the mirror and I didn't miss my dad quickly nervously glancing to see how far away I was. It was at this moment I realised the real reason father had sent me away, and its fair to say it saddened me a little, the reason? The removal men. Neither were exactly good lookers but they were obviously strong and well muscled. Considering what I have just been through I wouldn't risk it with those two, but it was probably best dad didn't want me to be tempted I mean as I said earlier, I am seventeen and hormones are crazy. So even if I wasn't going to do anything I know I would probably check them out, and it would just be my luck that dad saw. Besides, it meant I got out of all the heavy lifting and moving, so it's not so bad.

I soon found the town, thankfully it wasn't to far away I could probably walk it in fifteen minutes or so. I parked my dad's car by the side of the road and paid the meter my some coins I found in my pocket and entered the grocery store.

I was really in need of a cigarette but of course I couldn't use my dad's money of which I brought milk, thankfully I had a crumpled $10 bill in my back pocket so got a packet of Marlboro smooth menthol regular cigarettes, I had enough for some gum, so dad didn't smell them on me.

I know what your thinking menthol cigarettes? But let me tell you there awesome. It's like smoking a polo and considering my late mother loved those circular mints and would always have a packet in her pocket, and when, on a lucky day if I was good when we hung out she would give me one.

I miss her, very much. These cigarettes remind me of home, of her. There comforting in a strange way that and the nicotine, that's just because I need it, but the taste that's for the memories.

I made my way to the side of the shop and finally took my first drag in two days, god it hit the spot, I instantly relaxed and took another deep drag and finished it in silence as I watched the few people on the street go about the business. These were my people now I thought as I flicked the butt of the fag down and went back to the car.

I drove around for a little bit longer trying to find the biggest shop I could that would have stationary and such, I parked outside of some shop called the 'circle K' cute I thought as I went inside.

I walked around the shop not really paying attention to anything or anyone, the shop was air conditioned and I kinda just wanted to walk around a little, I really didn't want to go home to dad just yet.

After around ten minutes of aimless wondering, I found the school aisle; I decided to buy the best fountain pen in my price range, another 4b and 6b pencil along with a couple of black biros. I made my way to the tills when I noticed a small group of teenagers; they seemed about my age, great I thought.

Here we go again, I wasn't bullied in L.A. but I was by no means popular and the jocks did push me around a little but not majorally, nothing I couldn't handle. But these guys kinda looked like twats, immature assholes if how their talking to the pretty young blonde girl at the till is anything to go by. I was determined not to make a scene, to let it go, but who was I kidding what they were doing was out of order I couldn't let walk away I would be as bad as them.

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><p><strong>please please review :') xx<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**unfortunatly my dog passed today, she has been my best friend and part of the family since i was 6 and the greatest dog i could ever have. so i am dedicating this story to her as she has sat and listened to be wittle on many a times, and i have used this story to try and take my mind of her, hasnt worked. **

**you'll never be forgotten. Sleep now Nutmeg you won't be hurting anymore :'( RIP.**

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><p>I walked up to them and spoke, with more volume then I thought I was going to use.<p>

"Hey!" so I had there attention, they all turned and looked at me. If we weren't having a confrontation, oh and I was playing the straight game I would have thought that they were all pretty fit, must be on a sports team, they didn't score much overall but their bodies were obviously taken care of. No going back now, I thought, after a quick glance to the young girl that looked so relieved, I just had to see it through. "Leave off yeah. No need to be so rude you dicks."

Not very threatening I know but I was right and it did shock them a bit, I guess they weren't used to people confronting them. The guys just laughed it off, one of them, must have been the ring leader stepped forward. I'm not very musically but I don't shy away from a fight, I can handle myself, I'm a quick little mover and I'm stronger then I look. The guy stood right in front of me sizing me up. I did the same, which angered him that didn't cower. We locked eyes, and I can tell you that boys eyes were cold, really no joke like dead kind of cold, though I didn't show it, at least I hope I didn't. Then when the manager of the store came the boys decided to retreat.

"Lucifer." A dark haired boy called, they all turned and left the store. I let out the breath I was holding. Lucifer I thought, but I shrugged it off guessing it must be some kind of gang name or something, anyway who am I to judge people on weird names.

I was just about to get on with my shop and get served when a hand grasped my shoulder. I turned and saw the store manager in front of me.

"You too, go on. Out. I won't have this behaviour in my store towards one of my employees." Fuck I thought just got into town and I'm already getting thrown out of places and this time it wasn't even my fault. Thankfully the young girl from the till came in at this point,

"No, Tim, he wasn't anything to do with it. He tried to help, he stopped them."

"Oh" Tim then let me go apologised and left. I was left shakily standing on my own, it felt like my mind had only just come into play. The girl and I caught each others eye and I gave her a smile as I approached her till and placed my items down.

"Are you okay?" I asked, she seemed a little flushed and flustered. She nodded but she seemed a little embarrassed so I didn't bring it up. After she had taken my payment and I was all set to go, she looked to me and spoke.

"Thank you." I nodded as I looked her in the eye. I hadn't noticed someone else coming in through the doors behind me.

"Hey Jo." A voice from just behind me, it made me jump slightly. A boy walked towards Jo and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Hi Dean." She greeted what I thought was her boyfriend. I could tell instantly he was attractive, I didn't want to hang around and tempt myself more; I have self control after all but this boy was pushing my limits, already.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked Jo, noticing how flustered she was. "They came again didn't they?" Jo didn't answer but looked at me just as I turned to leave them to it. "Who's this?" he demanded and I looked around, yeah he was looking at me, great.

"Dean, he stood up to them for me, he helped me." suddenly the boy untensed dramatically and came over with a smile and shook my hand.

"Thanks man." I was a little taken back for two reasons, one; his change in mood like a freaking seesaw and two; his hand felt so god damn good against mine, warm and firm, fuck. I knew right then and there I was in trouble. I was in this town for freaking three hours, if that and I already know a guy I want to fuck, really bad.

"s'alright." Was all I could manage as I looked into those eyes, fuck those eyes.

"I'm Dean." Dean, I thought, I could see myself screaming that.

"Castiel." I really wanted to keep things formal, only problem was we were still shaking hands, the prolonged contact was not a bad thing but right now it was, pretence had to be upheld so I let go of Dean's hand and stepped back a little.

"Thanks for looking out for her, I come to walk her home after her shifts but sometimes it's not enough you know?"

"Course. It's nice to see a caring boyfriend for a change." I froze at that, it was the biggest hint I could have possibly ever have given as to my sexual preference, shit I'm so dead I thought, all I could think as I felt myself begin to panic a little. Dean's brow furred at my words, thankfully Jo came in at that point.

"Oh me and Dean aren't together." she spoke with what I thought was force enthusiasm.

"Nah she's like a sister to me." Dean smiled as he put at arm around her shoulders again, oh no I thought. I recognised that look on Jo's face; I knew it only too well. Jo was in the dreaded 'friend zone' poor girl, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

"Oh I see, sorry I just assumed." I tried to cover my tracks; thankfully Dean wasn't offended by it.

"It's cool dude. You're new to town aren't you?" This wasn't really a question, both Dean and Jo knew I was new, the town was pretty small and the kids in it probably all grew up together so it was easy to spot a fresh face.

"Yes. Just arrived today."

"Well welcome to Lawrence." Dean told me, I couldn't help but smile, he was nice didn't really know anything about me but seemed to accept me, it was refreshing.

"Are you coming to the high school?" I nodded to Jo, though honestly I had forgotten about school, gotta get up early tomorrow and I haven't even seen inside my new house let alone unpack, crap.

"Well we'll see you there tomorrow." I nodded to the two and made my way to leave.

"Okay, goodbye."

"Bye." Jo called after me

"Cya." Dean was just so cool I thought as I smiled to myself as I walked to the car.

That was when I first met Dean and Jo. I had no idea how important they would turn out to be to me, how that meeting pathed the rest of my life.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for your reviews**

**enjoy the chapter**

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><p>Despite my self control I allowed myself to indulge in reminiscing meeting Dean all the way home, I thought why not. Dad can't read my mind.<p>

By the time I got back home, and I use the term home lightly I hadn't even seen the inside of it, but by the time I had the removal van had gone which I supposed relieved dad quite a bit.

I took the now warm milk inside along with my circle k purchases. It was large and airy inside, plain there were no photos or pictures or a family feel to it, the place looked cold. But then again we had just moved in. There were boxes everywhere and I soon found the kitchen, it was a decent size with a breakfast bar and stools never had that before. The kitchen in my last house was pokey. I paid attention to the kitchen more than the rest of the house; I suppose it was because I liked to cook. I usually did all the cooking for me and dad. Cooking relaxes me and gives me time to think. Peaceful. So after I inspected the cooker and the cupboards, I placed the milk in the fridge and the plastic bag filled with stationary, the receipts and the change on the kitchen table.

I quickly remembered my cigarettes and popped three sticks of gum in my mouth and chewed at quickly as I could and I made sure the packet was well hidden.

It was only now did I call for dad. I heard him upstairs, I soon became quiet excited about seeing my new room so I ran towards the voice.

"Hey dad. Erm where's my room?"

"I'll take the smallest as my study and the master bedroom is obviously mine, but you're welcome to choose, I put your stuff in the far room, just for somewhere to put it, your welcome to change." I nodded and wondered over to the furthest room, huh the furthest. Yeah that wasn't a hint, bastard.

The room was a decent size, I did have a look at the other room but it was a lot closer to dad and I didn't like the wooden wardrobes, in the furthest room they were white, clean. The desk was relatively new too, I was glad we got it fully furnished save a hell of a lot of trouble. It also meant for the first time I had a double bed. So the furthest room from my father became my room.

It made me smile though to see my dad had made my bed, it was still early, I hadn't eaten or started to unpack but to threw myself onto my new double bed and fell asleep.

It felt like I had only just closed my eyes but when I opened my eyes, I think I was woke by my stomach rumbling at me. Anyway when I open them the morning sun was pouring into the windows.

I looked at my watch, half six, at least my body clock still worked. I dragged myself to the bathroom-took a few wrongs doors to find it, for a much needed piss and a shower. I put on the first thing I pulled out of my suit case. I put on a pair of black skinny jeans, a long sleeved grey tee that v-necked slightly it was quite tight but that was the style, a jacket, my favourite boots, kinda had a cowboy look but they weren't you know? And of course my long chained silver cross.

I looked at my self in the mirror and thought that as I'm 'straight' now, I should probably dress more straight, how do you dress straight? I started to panic and emptied all my clothes on the floor, nothing. Nothing struck me as appropriate anymore.

I took my jacket and tee off and sat shirtless in the middle of a pile of clothes. I picked up and pair of denim shorts, like really short shorts. I know, there not my style but i did only where them once and it was halloween. figures that the one time I do is the one time my dad catches me _drunk_, as I'm walking home wearing what i was wearing _and_ hanging of some guy from my old school, oh that went down oh so well. but that's a different story. Anyway and I picked up these shorts then tossed them back to the ground and I moaned as "Why do I own so many gay clothes!"

Then I thought of Chris, he dressed in military a lot, he was butch and hunted dear for fun, the definition of masculine and he tried to grope me more than once, and Ethan the campest guy ever, dressed like me and when I hit on him, his girl friend appeared. I can wear what ever, right?

I thought screw it, I kept my skinnies, hey just because I'm straight now doesn't mean I should hid my ass, I have a fucking awesome ass. And wore smart black shoes you know the stylish ones not the clumpy ones. A white tee (which I brought a size too small of) under a black shirt I kept unbuttoned with my cross on top. I looked in the mirror, I didn't care anymore, I wasn't straight I wasn't gay, I was just me, so I was going to dress like me.

my hair that day I could tell wasn't going to listen to me so I just let it be, I put my leather jacket on, along with my brown aviator sunglasses- I am actually in love with those glasses, and put my shoulder bag over my left shoulder and stared at my reflection.

"Well Castiel, this is as good as it's gonna get." I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter and shoved them in my inside pocket before going down stairs.

I wasn't altogether disappointed to see dad had gone to work already; less hassle, more peace. I made toast and coffee and only when I sat down to eat did I realise a note on the table;

'_Dear Castiel;_

_My dear boy_

_I am proud you have come so far after everything and now we can get back to normal_

_Have fun on your first day of school._

_Oh, your car came last night when you were asleep. I didn't want to wake you, it's in the drive._

_I'll see you tonight, we'll order pizza_

_Dad.'_

When I had finished reading I forgot all about my breakfast and ran out side. My baby was back.

I had a blue 1966 Pontiac gto, classic, in my eyes anyway. It was my uncle Balthazar's; he loved it as much as me, probably more. My earliest memory of him was also of this car. He left it to me in his will. I loved him dearly and when I drive his car I feel close to him, I ran my hand over the frame.

"I missed you." I whispered with a smile. My watch started to beep telling me I should be leaving the house now or I would be late. So I ran inside grabbed my bag and shovelled the toast in my mouth before climbing into my baby. The keys were in the glove compartment, where I told the guy to leave them, still can't believe I let her out my sight.

I couldn't help smiling when I turned the ignition and listened to her purr. I pulled the map I draw to the school out of my bag, turned the radio up and pulled out of the driveway and towards my new school.

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><p><strong>please review<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for your reviews, they mean a lot.**

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><p>Though I tried not to be, I was scared. Teenagers are horrible, well a lot of them, in my experience anyway. I was no good at social interaction with new people, it's awkward and I get all weird and unsocial, shy like really shy and get all nervous, it's not good.<p>

Yeah I met two okay people yesterday that didn't mean I knew anyone, or that we were friends, besides I also met four jerks that would probably want to beat me up everyday, what fun.

I soon pulled up to the school and parked, I would be impressed by the sight of it if it didn't look like every other state run high school throughout the country. I straightened my sun glasses and got out the car and walked head held high through the doors and to the front desk. I got a few looks from the students, I looked cool even if I do say so myself. I usually didn't like attention, but I could tell they were impressed by me, like I said great ass, and that's not me being big headed or anything. I saw their faces. I walked towards the front desk and waited for the receptionist's attention.

She looked up at me after a file was placed in a drawer; her eyes were brown and initially stern, probably expecting me to be a trouble maker or what not, perhaps it was just a stressful day. Either way when she saw me her eyes became warm and smile wide.

"New?" she asked, thinking about it now I must have looked terrified or something as she spoke like my mother used to when I was scared of the thunder. I nodded and she asked for my name.

"Castiel Novak." The woman welcomed me to the town of Lawrence's high school and gave me my timetable. I took at and after thanking her I walked away.

"Erm, excuse me ma'am." I said as I turned back round. "Where is this room?" I asked I had English, but no idea were the English block was.

"Oh, it's through those doors, up the stairs turn, left and it a few doors on the right."

"Thanks." I mumbled as I walked away. I followed her instructions and ended up outside the room I had to go inside.

I started to feel sick and after a deep breath, in through nose out through mouth I knock on the door and waited. A small petite woman with long brown hair and long finger nails opened the door to her classroom and looked me up and down.

"Castiel?" she asked, I nodded before she opened the door wider for me to enter. "I'm Mrs Peters." She told me before turning and addressing the rest of the class. "Right class we have a new student today, this is Castiel."

I was standing beside my new English teacher and instantly l could feel everyone's eyes on me, looking at me, judging me, staring. My throat became dry and palms sweaty, I still remember the feeling of my stomach knotting and pulling as I tried to keep it together. I silently prayed that I wouldn't drop anything or trip or do anything embarrassing at least for the next ten minutes. Mrs Peters continued this time addressing me.

"Is there anything you want to tell us about yourself?" all I could think was, are you fucking serious? I looked at the people staring at me; I didn't think I could speak even if I wanted too. I just looked at the people in front of me, my peers, fellow students, my future tormenters, future acquaintances, maybe even a future friend or two, you never know. I than turned to the teacher. I didn't say anything I my face was kept straight, I knew I must have looked like a rebel, or a punk, a bad boy or whatever the truth was I was just to god damn nervous to say anything.

"Alright then," she kept up that sweet smile, though I could tell I kinda pissed her off, already. "Go take your seat. Over there." She pointed to the desk I was to occupy. I still don't know why the point was necessary. It was the only empty space in the classroom and I'm not accustomed to sitting on stranger's laps, where else was I going to sit?

I nodded to her and start too moved forwards.

"Oh Castiel. Sunglasses are not permitted in my classroom." I looked around, all eyes on me _still_, and my day started out so well. I then turned to look at Mrs peters I knew that if I quickly swiped them off I would look like a twat and keeping them on was just a dickish move that would land me in unwanted trouble, either way I felt like this was a really bad start to my school career. I swallowed as I turned and took of my beloved glasses as I walked to my seat, eyes following me, I hated it.

I felt dizzy from the attention and was grateful when I finally managed to sit down.

Mrs Peters went back to teaching her lesson and the students went back to not paying attention.

I looked up on the board was written;

'_William Shakespeare_

_Romeo and Juliet_

_Overview'_

I smiled a little to myself as I fished my copy from my bag. It wasn't the edition the school recommended it was my own personal copy, it was my mothers favourite. Before she died every year since I can remember she used to read it to me at Christmas, half Christmas Eve and the other half Christmas day. I still read it every Christmas out of respect and remembrance. There was no way I was going to scribble notes in the margin, fuck that, it was my mums book I'm not defacing it, so I brought post it notes.

Turned out I didn't need either my book or the sticky notes, by 'overview' she meant exactly that, giving the students a step by step synopsis of the play, though I was surprised to see that this seemed to be new information to much of class, who didn't know Romeo and Juliet for Christ sakes. It meant I could switch off for a while anyway.

The bell soon went and I had to somehow fine my way to maths. I stood up after collecting my belongings.

"Hi," said a small overly enthusiastic boy, who seemed a little too comfortable with breaking my personal space bubble. I backed up slightly a little scarred if I'm honest. "I'm chuck." The small overly enthusiastic boy stated.

"Hello." I spoke a little nervously; this guy was so chirpy and eager.

"What have you got now, I could show you around, if you want."

"Yes thank you, that would nice of you." I know I sounded distant but even though this guy was so, so nice like really overly nice, he was still a new face and I was still nervous and awkward at getting my words together.

"Okay let me see." see said as he snatched my timetable out of my hands, "Maths, Mr Springer. He's a little firm, but he knows his stuff, good at maths you know." What? That was probably one of the stupidest thing I have heard today, so before I could think I blurted out.

"Well considering he teaches mathematics I should hope he is." Chuck laughed, why? I still don't fully understand I wasn't joking I was deadly serious, but at least he didn't seem to think I was some kind of a freak.

"I'll show you the way; I'm just in the room opposite so I could meet you after and show you to your next class, if you want." He told me as he handed back my timetable and walked out the room with me.

"Thanks." We walked in awkward silence for a bit, I should probably have asked about him or the school but the silence dragged out and nothing seemed right to say. Points for Chuck for trying.

"So, Castiel. That short for anything?" okay so I was corrected that was the stupidest thing I have heard today.

"Well. Erm. What? What could I possible me short for?" I asked, a little annoyed if I'm honest, really? Was he seriously asking me that question? Then he laughed again, what was wrong with this kid! Not that I was one to talk but seriously he just jumped into my life, what was his deal.

"There you go again." He chuckled out; did he really think I was that funny? I closed my eyes as I spoke; I had to ask out of concern more than anything.

"Chuck?"

"Hmm."

"Are you high or drunk at least?"

"No why?" Chuck enquired so innocently. I even felt bad for asking.

"No reason. So," I started, what would count as meaningless small talk that in the grand scheme of things doesn't really matter at all? "Is it nice here?"

"No. terrible." I laughed at that, this guy wasn't so bad, then I looked at him, a completely straight face as he looked forward looking at the door. My laughed stopped and we continued our walk in silence. I suddenly had a feeling this was going to be one long first day.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you to everyone that has reviewed favouritesd and alerted, means a lot.**

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><p>I sat on my own in maths which I didn't mind, I needed to concentrate it wasn't really my best subject. Then after about ten minutes, I started feeling something hit the back of my head. Great paper balls, it's started. Fucking perfect. I ignored it for a good fifteen minutes, then whoever was throwing the paper started to reach under the table a poke me with their foot. This really was the best freaking day of my life. After a few more minutes I started to here a, 'pist' every other second, I rolled my eyes and peered over my shoulder. My eyes widened when I saw the smiling cocky face of Dean. How did I not see him as soon as I walked in?<p>

"Dude are you like deaf or something been trying to get your attention ages."

"Sorry." Okay so yeah I knew him kinda, but it was still hard to even say that one word, yeah I was nervous not like I was with new people, more nervous that I say something wrong and embarrass my self, I wanted to seem cool or funny or smart I didn't know yet but I knew I wanted Dean to like me.

"No biggy, so how you liking your first day?" I started to smile, he was interested in me. Just as I opened my mouth the Mr Springer piped up.

"Mr Winchester. Corrupting our new student already I see."

"Just welcoming him to the school sir." He spoke confidently and smiled widely, the teacher just rolled his eyes.

"Yeah I bet. Eyes front you two." The remaining time of the lesson was spent stealing glances on the boy behind me, and he even started throwing paper at me again, I knew it was a joke and he was having a laugh so I didn't mind, I even stretched and flipped him off behind my head, making him laugh and Mr Stringer eye us up.

The bell soon rang and I was on my feet as soon as was possible, I hated maths, but there was something about it I knew I liked, Dean. I knew I shouldn't be thinking this, it was my fist day, and what would my father say!

Dean didn't help matters by slinging his am around my shoulders as we exited the classroom. I swear my heart stopped for a microsecond.

When we got out into the corridor, chuck was waiting for me.

"Dean." He squealed when he saw us. Weird I thought, but I was quickly getting used to the funny little boy.

"Chuck." Dean replied, okay it may have been my imagination but there was a strange kind of tension there.

I looked to both Dean and Chuck, I couldn't help but wonder why Chuck had such a reaction, and then it hit me, who was Dean? I knew nothing about him, all I really knew was that he was protective over Jo, and seemed quite confident, but really he could be anyone. Suddenly I felt foolish for the butterflies looking at him gave me, then guilty for acknowledging it in the first place. I can't do this, think straight I kept telling myself; just think straight!

"Hi chuck." I greeted him.

"You know this freak?" Dean asked, and right then and there my heart sank, he was a jerk. Chuck was a little different but that was uncalled for, the boy was really nice.

"Yes, Chuck has been very nice to me."

"No doubt." He seemed to snort out. He then lent in towards me and loudly whispered in my ear. "But if he asks to use you as a character, say no. you'll regret it."

"Fuck you Winchester," Chuck said quite loudly, obviously tired of this argument I hadn't heard yet. The smirk they both had told me perhaps there was more to this then I thought. "You were a freaking super hero!"

"I could fly Chuck, does batman fly? No, he is the only hero worth my time."

"-And here's me thinking it would me cat women but you know what ever floats your boat." Dean then pointed to Chuck and his face went serious for a moment.

"Thin nice chuck." He warned, Chuck just rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Bitch." Dean snuck in as chuck came and stood next to me.

"Yeah okay, see you at lunch."

"Alright." They then bumped fists on the top and bottom of each others and then brought there knuckles together, I had never seen it before, maybe it was a local thing and LA had its own customs, or maybe was as out the loop and I feared. "Hey bring Cas along." Dean chirped as he clapped me on the back and turned to leave.

"Okay bye." Chuck called before started to walk in the opposite direction, it took a second or two but I turned and followed. Falling into his stride I was a little baffled Chuck must have noticed.

"Don't worry about Dean."

"I thought you too were really fighting. I thought he was being mean to you."

"Yeah he's a bit of a dick, but he's a dick that will save your ass in a fight and stand up for you no matter what you know? He's a good guy. It was just banter. You have with friends."

"I wouldn't know." I hadn't meant to say that, it just slipped out, but it was true. Yeah I had friends in LA but none I was particularly miss, and none I could tell to fuck off without offending them or call a freak and they shrug it off, it sounded good to have friends like that.

I was embarrassed I let that little gem pass my lips, Chuck seemed to be at a loss of what to say, so my remark just sort off hung there. Thankfully Chuck finally spoke after what seemed like the longest walk I have ever undertaken.

"I remember that you have history but what room was it again."

"Erm" after fumbling with my timetable out of my pocket I answered "205."

"Holy shit really?" that was an extreme reaction I thought, I remember thinking this was either really good or really crappy news, my luck it would be the latter. To my surprise though, after I nodded slowly a smile spread across Chuck's face.

"Me too! This is gonna be awesome." I smiled politely as we entered the room and sat next to chuck. I was glad to have made a good impression in this kid but I had no idea how or why he was going out his way to be nice to me.

Though something told me he was picked on a lot, not that I'm psychic but had it written all over him and he was probably one of those friends every one picks on, so I gathered Chuck wanted to make a friend of his own that would treat him as an equal. Probably why he was shocked that I already knew Dean. Either way I was happy for the company.

History was pleasant and Chuck proved to be good company, we also had Spanish together after that and then it was lunch. I know that I shouldn't be excited to see Dean, I know that but my sudden nervous sickness told me different, I was so screwed.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for your reviews**

**sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.**

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><p>After the last two hours with Chuck I felt a lot more relaxed around him, thankfully he did most the talking. Dean had mentioned something about being character or something so I assumed he was some kind of writer, I was right. So from Spanish class to the dinning area- which was a rather long walk might I add, Chuck talked about his new idea for a story. In all honesty I found it rather fascinating and was quite impressed with his imagination.<p>

The lunch hall was basically exactly like the one in my old school- feeding time at the zoo. Sometimes humans can be such animals, I remember thinking this as I passed a table consisting of boys that wore clothing that was too big for them but I'm told that was purposeful, they were shovelling food into their mouth with their hands as one of them was licking up their spilt soda from the table, gross. I'm not a germ freak but that was disgusting and made a mental note not to sit at the table, ever.

I followed chuck to a table near the back of the cafeteria near a window that overlooked to school grounds and part of the field. I recognised Jo, who smiled when she saw me, there was three other people sitting down them I didn't know. There was a brown haired boy looked younger than Jo but that might because girls mature faster or some shit, there was a brunette girl, pretty but I could see just by looking at her she was rich and stuck up. Okay so I didn't know that latter part for definite but I was right about her, the final stranger was a girl with wild eyes, and a little scary. She leapt up and gave Chuck a hug when we arrived at the table.

"Hi Becki." Chuck greeted this Becki; he then turned to me and introduced me to his friends.

"This is Bella, Sam, Becki and Jo. Guys this is Castiel, it's his first day." They all said their hello's and I smiled as Chuck showed me to a seat, I sat to the left of Chuck, who also sat next to Becki and opposite the boy I learnt was called Sam. I felt eyes on me I looked up from what I can only imagine was food, and Jo was looking at me.

"Hey listen; I can't thank you enough for what you did for me last night Castiel." At that point every one at the table was looking at me.

"That quite alright." I smiled to Jo and she got back to her lunch. I didn't miss Chuck and Sam look at each other in a 'what the fuck was that about' kind of way.

"What's up bitches?" Dean spoke across the dinning hall, well more squeaked it, it was amusing to hear. Everyone else just rolled their eyes. I looked around to see Dean approach his arm around some girl's shoulders; she was pretty, looked younger than him though. I looked away not wanting to stare, and then when they got to the table, the girl went from Dean to Sam and gave the boy a peck on the cheek and sat with the boys arm around her as they ate, and Dean. Dean sat next to me, oh so close.

"You alright Cas?" I nodded I was suddenly very aware of my personal space or well lack of it at these kind of table.

"How do you know him Dean? This is like his first day." I couldn't stop my eyebrows raising, I hadn't expected her to English, if she saw she didn't confront me about it, I suppose she wanted to wait and see if I had money enough to be an alley or something, I'm aware of how much I was judging people but not forget I'm from la, full of rich people and they did exactly that. If you didn't have money you weren't worthy. But then I remembered were I was some half ass town in some new odd state, things may be different.

"Oh me and Cas go way back." he joked, oh how I wish it were true. The girl I have learnt to be called Bella, just rolled her eyes and went back to poking her food. Jo turned and decided to fill her in.

"Those jerks, Michael, Uriel, Adam and Lucifer." Lucifer I thought, really? Someone actually calls their kid that! Then I remembered one of them called the ring leader 'Luce,' oh crap I pissed of the ringleader on a 'gang' called freaking Lucifer I am so dead I thought. I mean I can hold my own but four against one? No chance.

"Well" Jo continued the story; I wasn't so keen on publicising. "They started on me again last night and along comes Castiel." Every one then looked at me and I could feel myself sink in my seat. "he was all like, 'leave her alone you dicks!' then Lucifer squared up to him, giving him his death glare you know and Castiel just stared right back, it was pretty awesome." Jo kinda sounded proud and if every ones expression at the table was anything to go by, I guessed that didn't happen a lot.

"How you must have big ones." Sam told me, my brow furred, I didn't understand big what?

"Big what?" the table went silent for a second and I immediately felt like an idiot, it was one of those things I should just know but somehow it escapes me.

"Balls Cas." Dean blurted out.

"Oh." I felt my face grow in warmth. Everyone saw my embarrassment and they all laughed, not in a mean way. Dean clapped my back and I looked around the table, I remember thinking at these people seemed nice, and they were. That's basically how my first lunch at my new school went, well mostly up until the last ten minutes or so. When the jerks from last night came into the dinning area and everything changed, very quickly. I would like to point out now that I didn't start it and everything I did was out of self defence.

Anyway so with Dean Chuck and their friends started talking, and I was happy to listen. I was just starting to eat some gunky mess that I presume is mash potato but to this day I couldn't say for sure. Then there was a big bang, some guy had just slammed his tray onto our table making us all jump, and to my surprise the entire lunch hall became very quite. I recognise the boy from last night; I still didn't know his name though.

"Piss off Uriel. Unless you want another round." Dean snarled and the boy leaning against the table.

"Hey, kiss my black ass Winchester. We're not here for you." We? I thought then I regretted at as the other three from last night appeared and stood around Uriel. I looked down and tried not to bring attention to myself, though I knew it was useless, I wasn't exactly well hidden, but it was first day I didn't want a fight on my first day. Then again having a ruff and tumble- of the straight kind of course, with another guy might go well in my favour. If not with my school career but I could earn some points with dad, but like if I wasn't dragged into it I wouldn't have just started something out of the blue, something these guys didn't seem to have a problem with.

one boy shorter than the others he wore an evil smirk as he walked over to me, to my surprised Dean stood up stopping him from getting to me.

"I don't think so Adam, walk away guys." This Adam guy just laughed a little and tried at get past again, Dean shoved him away slightly. I couldn't help think, what have I done to warrant such loyalty. Then the boy I recognised as the ring leader and now know is called Lucifer, started to talk, and everyone listened.

"we don't want any trouble, we just want this punk over here." Punk, me? I couldn't help but laugh inside, I'm too smart to laugh out loud but I couldn't help but think it was some what amusing.

"well boys that not happening." Dean snapped back. Sam then stood in the defence mood as well as Dean, what was happening, I've never had any one to fight my battles for me but I knew I didn't need some one too.

So I stood up and walked over the chairs past Dean and stood in front of the four boys.

"Cas." Dean growled at me.

"I can handle it." Though I had no idea how, four against one is very rarely a fair fight.

"That's right Dean, Cassie here can handle it. Apparently." Then the four boys started to laugh. "Alright you two heroes, time to sit and relax."

Then Uriel came behind Sam and pushed him back into his seat and held him there, Dean instantly tensed and started to go and help him but Michael soon his the same to him. Adam, being the smallest in height and strength as far as I could tell anyway just stood and enjoyed the show. As did the rest of the cafeteria that had now gone deadly silence watching every move.

To stood in front of Lucifer, eyes met his eyes in a dead on glare, not one did I looked a way or flinch.

"Cocky little bastard aren't you." He sneered at me, and okay so I may have provoked him a little but come on, what would you have done?

"Better than being a dick." There was a load of gasps and whispers at that.

"Oh you are so dead." I smiled at the boy before taking my jacket off, it was getting hot and it was designer didn't want to ruff it up, it cost a bomb. Lucifer strolled up behind me as he place my jacket on the table and took a punch at my head, lucky I heard him and parried his attempt of assault.

Causing him to fall against the table and a few people laugh. Which stopped as soon as Lucifer straightened p and glared at the room.

"That how you win your fights, sneaking up to someone when their back is turned?"

Lucifer then took a swing again this time at my face, with I ducked out of.

"Fast little mover aren't you." He snarled, okay so we were fighting anyway and I kinda got into it, so I really didn't think before I came back with.

"Your mum seemed to like it." There was a lot of 'ooohs' and laughs through out the room and I heard Dean laugh. Lucifer was not laughing he was very, very angry and he charged at me. thankfully when you attack in anger your not most alert so I managed to dodge him and trip him up. If he wasn't anger before he was fuming now.

He screamed as he came at me again, his time I wasn't quick enough and got caught right in the eye, I fell to the floor for a moment, no for long but it was long enough for Adam to grab me and hold me still, I can still remember the pain from Lucifer punching me in the stomach, it was hard to stand up right. Thank fully he really was as cocky as he came across to be. Be came up close to me and sneered at me.

"Not so quick not are we?" Okay let me tell you now; no one wins with a head butt. It knock Lucifer to the floor but my head felt like it split in two, the immediate headache wasn't helped by the uproar of cheers in the dinning room. Somehow I manage to hold of pain until I got out of Adams grip and punched him in the face, it was awesome, just at that moment the teachers came in and took me away to the head masters office. I assume the others went to the nurse or home, not entirely sure but I heard later that they got suspended so that wasn't too bad.

As I was escorted to the principles I managed to look behind me, I caught deans eye, now it was probably the bang to the head or the blows to the stomach but I swear he winked at me, and seeing that my stomach leapt and twisted and turned. But like I said I could have imagined it what I didn't imagine however was the look of worry and pride plastered over his face and that was good enough for me, as I was sure I had made a friend in Dean.

I knew it couldn't be anymore then that, I had to put myself in the friend zone, though one look at Dean and I could guess that even if I professed my feelings I would end up there anyway so id spare the drama and the hatred and possible disowning and do it myself. Okay I wasn't certain he was straight but I have mentioned my weakness for straight unavailable men, so he probably has a girlfriend somewhere too. I know that I couldn't do anything about it and it could have been the head butt, but as I was walking to the heads office and I thought of Dean's possible girlfriend I felt sick to my stomach and to my dismay jealous and I didn't even know if she existed yet.

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	8. Chapter 8

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><p>I'm not really one to get into trouble, I'm not much of a rebel, so when my mind wasn't occupied with pain or Dean, I was a little nervous as me and a tall male teacher made our way to the principles office. It turned out very different to what I was expecting.<p>

The principle sat me down and asked if I was okay. Then asked if I wanted to fill out a formal complaint against them. I said no, I probably should have said yes but it was my first god damn day. He then reassured me that I wasn't in any trouble and they brought me in to keep me relatively safe as the boys were seen by the nurse and escorted of the grounds when their parents came to pick them up.

So I sat in silence sitting stiffly and uncomfortably in the old chair facing Mr White's desk. Thankfully the head went to have a word with the jerks and their parents so I didn't have to sit opposite him for long, because that would just be really awkward and embarrassing.

The nurse came in and examining me, she gave me some painkillers and told me I was fine; no real damage. Maybe a bruise or two, or three.

It wasn't until around ten minutes until the bell was due to ring signalling the end of lunch was I permitted to leave, I dashed back to the dinning area it took a lot of my memory to actually get there. Thankfully I soon found my way and I entered the thinning out room, the table I was sitting at was still full. Sam looked up and I caught his eye, I could see him whispering to the others who were soon looking too. It felt good to be noticed but the only one I really wanted to notice me was Dean. He turned and smile at me, which might I may as well tell you, that it made my stomach knot, and head all fuzzy.

The boy then stood and started clapping, it was quite surreal. Especially when the rest of the table stood and started cheering and clapping, Jo and Bella even stood on their chairs and wooed and me, I've never been wooed before. It made me smile. As I started to walk towards them, everyone else in the dinning area looked up, and some even started to clap too, a few guys I had never seen before in my life came up to me and shook my hand. I would have felt sick from everyone eyes focusing on me, if it wasn't for Dean, I kept his eye contact and instead of sick I felt butterflies.

I sat down at the table and the clapping faded out and I knew how red I was.

"Why did you do that?" I asked staring at the table trying to hide from view as I blushed really bad.

"Because we knew how adorable you are when you're embarrassed." Dean stated making the others snort with laughter and me to go even redder, I glance upwards and Dean winked at me, fuck I knew I had to get some distance from this guy, but how could I? He was fucking perfect. I smiled as I stared at the table, maybe these people could become friends after all.

"Are you okay Castiel?" Jo asked, I looked up she seemed to look a little guilty, I guess she blamed herself for what happened, I didn't I blamed those jerks.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"You sure." Chuck pushed. "That eye looks bad."

"It probably looks worse then it feels. How much longer is there of lunch?" I really needed a cigarette after that fight.

"Erm." Chuck started as he looked at his watch and the bell went. "None."

I nodded and I stood, every said there good byes and left in their own little groups heading for their next class. All expect Dean.

"What do you have now?"

"Art, till the end of school."

"You like art." This seemed to amuse Dean, did I look really unarty or did he hate art. Either way I didn't really like his tone.

"Well I'm doing it."

"Alright, alright." He held his hands up in surrender, perhaps I misread him. "Do you want me to take you there?"

"Please."

"Cool, come on then miss Daisy." He clapped me on the shoulder and led me out the back of the cafeteria arm drapped around my shoulder. "You've got to show me some of your sweet moves some time."

"Excuse me."

"You, you were like dipping and diving dodging all those hits, it was wicked cool."

"Thanks."

"You fight a lot?" I didn't know how to answer that, I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot but I didn't want to lye or give the wrong impression of me. So I stayed quiet.

"Alright, enough about you then, you like it here?" I couldn't help but smile; I gave Dean a sideways glance as we carried on walking.

"I thought you said enough about me." he smiled back before I continued. "Well it's been one hell of a first day." Dean laughed it sounded magical and I couldn't not laugh just for the reason of hearing Dean laugh, we continued our walk to art in a comfortable light silence.

We arrived and both walked into a large airy room, with many mirrors on the walls, shelves of artist and gallery books, in seemingly no order and the back wall, simply piled floor to roof with either students work or random quirky little things and props for drawing, manikins, costumes, material, old toys, masks, sequins, buttons, feathers, jewellery, boxes of literally shredded material, piles of newspapers and many tin cans I'm guessing someone was collecting them for a project or something, there was a radio on the side amongst the several potted plants and was playing the local music station.

The room was a complete mess, utterly unorganised, and completely perfect for an art room. I loved it as soon as I saw it. A woman wearing a dress, leggings and boots with her dark hair up in a ponytail turned around, okay so I might be gay but I could tell this woman was attractive. Dean probably fancied her; the thought caused a lump to be formed in my throat, I didn't like it. She turned and smiled when she saw us.

"Hi Dean."

"Heya miss. It is dry?"

"Yes, its looking good Dean, you should be proud"

"Yeah well, we'll see" Dean then made his way to the drying track in the corner and got hold of a wooden board with stretched paper across it, I couldn't tell what the picture was but even from across the classroom it looked impressive.

"Oh miss." Dean started as he turned and placed his work on the desk and bag in the floor, "This is Castiel, he's new." Dean pointed to me and the young teacher turned to look at me.

"Ah yes I am expecting you. Welcome."

"Thanks." I smiled to her, she seemed nice.

"Right well as this is the first lesson of the term I'm allowing time to give everyone a chance finish of their final pieces of the previous project, so I'm afraid there's not much for you to do, practical wise today. Do you have your sketch books from your old school?" I shook my head, damn I knew I forgot something. I felt like an idiot but thankfully she didn't treat me like one, I liked her as soon as I meet her. "Well, if you can bring them next time and we can have a look and see where you're at and we can go from there, sound good?"

"Yes, thank you."

"So I suppose this lesson is up to you, your welcome to stay or you can leave." I looked from the teacher to Dean, I have two hours ahead on me, in which I'm in a class room with Dean, with a teacher that didn't seem to mind talking, which meant I could get to know him. There was no way I was going to leave.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you so much for your reviews xx**

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><p>"I would like to stay if that's okay." I was a little nervous not wanted to push things within my first five minutes in her class.<p>

"Sure." She told me, before something over my shoulder caught her attention, after a parting smile she left and went to another student. I made my way to Dean's table. I stood next to the boy and I was seriously speechless when I saw his work, I was beautiful, no joke. It was amazing.

"Dean. That's really good." It was a picture of an angel, an angel in armour with a sword and a shield, beautiful white wings and sky in the background. Each part of the picture was in a different media.

"Thanks." He seemed a little embarrassed about me seeing it, but he didn't say anything about it though.

"Was there a theme?"

"Light and dark. So I thought; religion. One the one hand it gives people something to believe in, gives them hope. On the other people die because of it."

"I see. So why angels?" I was fascinated, I had to hear more, but I couldn't take my eyes of the picture made by Dean's hand.

"Angels are the biggest part of religion for me. My mum used to say they were watching over me, as she put me to bed. I used to believe her. There are different interpretations of angels too. There not some fluffy white creature sitting on a cloud with a harp. There warriors of god, you know?"

"Yeah." I was very impressed with his passion of his work and the subject; I couldn't help but think my dad might like him. Though obviously hate him completely if he knew just how much I liked him already.

"Here look at this, this picture kind of inspired my whole project." He opened his art book and skipped to the page of a familiar Painting. It was the one of The Arch Angel Michael, casting out Lucifer from heaven, I loved that piece one of my favourites. "You know it?" Dean asked as I stared at the page with a little smile on my face.

"I know the story well, my father has told me it many times, this piece is probably one of my favourite religious paintings. But I don't know the details of the artist though."

"It's by this dude called Raphael Sanzio, he was born on April, 1483. He was one of the most important artists of the Italian Renaissance, obviously I mean just look at his technique, my opinion he was one of the best. He painted and designed loads of pieces inside the actual Vatican."

"You're a fan."

"Yeah, he's awesome. There's a sculpture of this in Gasson Hall at Boston College by an Italian sculptor, erm Scipione Tadolini made in. Erm 1857? 60?1869. Would love to see it."

"You will one day." I don't know why I was so certain about that, but he was obviously so passionate about it, he was bound to see it one way or another.

"Yeah maybe." We stood in silence for a moment, when I eyes came across a medium I did not recognize.

"What's this?"

"Seriously?" his eyebrows shot up, I felt stupid and cast my eyes down to the floor, he softly bumped our shoulders together to get my attention, when I looked up he was smiling at me. Fuck that smile. "That's fine liner and water." He began, he pointed to another medium when I interrupted.

"I got the rest, coloured biro, black biro, chalk, coloured chalk, water colour, oil pastel, acrylic paint, watercolour pencil and collage." I stated pointed to each of them in turn.

"I'm impressed." He joked.

"So am I, you have a talent." I wasn't joking at all. Dean was like quite deep and I knew there was more to this boy then meets the eye. Which in a very weird way was kind of a turn on, or it might have been the fact he was still smiling at me, not sure all I know is that my head went a little light.

"Yeah right, it's not finished though. I need to draw the face."

"What is that going to be done in?"

"Pencil, the face I'm gonna stretch. Just need to find the right face."

"Wont any face do?" I sounded like a naïve kid.

"No, it needs to be the right one. Miss said I should do a self portrait but that's kinda douchey, don't you think? Drawing your self as an angel, I was thinking someone from my family but not of them really" Dean then looked at me like really looked at me and he slowly said the next four fours, he seemed to be in thought. "Strike. Me. As. Angelic."

"What?" I asked he was looking at me strange and I didn't know if I liked it.

"You." He repeated as he took a step towards me.

"Me what?"

"You're face. It's perfect. Can I draw you?" that took me aback, was he serious?

"Me, an angel?" that's laughable, I mean according to my dad I'm going to hell for one and as bad as I may be I don't think I'm Lucifer bad, so angel? No.

"Yeah." He repeated as a smile grew on his face. I didn't know what to say all I could really do was ask,

"Why?" I asked, Dean laughed for a minute looking at the floor; he stopped then looked at me.

"You're beautiful." He almost whispered, right then and there I realised that this boy? I was never going to be able to let him go.

There was a snort of laughter on the table to the left of us from a boy with glasses and shaggy black hair.

"Did you say something Ray?" Dean asked as he went over to the boy, now concentrating very hard of his drawing.

"No." he mumbled trying not to look him in the eye.

"Huh? Didn't quite hear you." Dean pushed leaning closer to the boy, I felt a little uncomfortable watching this, but this ray wasn't completely innocent.

"I didn't say anything Dean."

"Good." He snapped, turned and came back to me.

"You don't want my face to ruin your work." I laughed it off though I really wanted Dean to draw me, it seemed a really good excuse to be near him, oh god I'm pathetic.

"Its ruined without your face, go on. Please say yes."

"Sure." I said as I rolled my eyes and tried not to smile so much.

"Yes. Would it be okay if you came around mine sometime, so I could finish. I'm not going to get it done today." Dean started out so confident and as his sentence developed he got quieter and more nervous, I couldn't help but internally 'aww' at that.

"I'd like that."

"Okay." He beamed, "Wait there." Dean walked off leaving me examining his work, the detail was amazing and the blending of the colour, beautiful. I was excited that I was going to be apart of it. He came back and stood next to me hold a digital camera and smiling at me.

"What are you doing with that?" I asked as he looking suspiciously at the camera in his face, I didn't like photos.

"I need pictures of my model." He explained, I wanted to back out then but I couldn't do it. "Put this on." He told me hand me a big piece of white material, I didn't get it.

"Why?"

"Suspicious little guy aren't you." He joked.

"Sorry." Then before it knew it I get a face full of white material josh threw at me. He laughed as I looked the material off and he saw my face.

"You apologise a lot too." It was true, when you live with a man like my father, you have to be very careful with every thing you do or say.

"Sorry," I told him, then winced and said it again "sorry." Dammit, I was really making myself look like a freak. To my surprised me laughed and held my shoulder, moved me to the left and draped the martial around me.

"Just stand still." He instructed, I just nodded.

"I want to isolate your face." He explained the use of the material. Made sense I thought. "Miss, Can you hold this up at the back please?"

"Sure." He told him before walking over and hold it but behind me.

"Thanks." He told her before turning back to me. "Relax Cas." He whispered as he flattered a little bit of hair that was sticking out. I swear his touch was actually electric. Dean moved back and snapped a photo of my whole face, "Look to the left." He instructed I did and he took a load I lost count how many. Each picture was at a different angle and distance; some were just of certain parts of my face. "To the right." He did the same to the other side of my face "Now at me." I turned my face and looked him in the eye, he raised the camera a like but stopped, he was looking at me, the whole room felt like it doubled in heat, "Good." He whispered before addressing me. "Stay still." He took a few more photos of my face as a whole, then he finally finished and I could move again. "Thanks." He told the teacher who nodded and left, then he turned to me. "Thanks Cas. Just going to print these out."

"Okay." I told him as I placed the material on the table. "Cas." Dean said from behind me.

"Yeah." I asked as I turned.

"Smile." He told me as he thrust his free hand into my side. He snapped a picture of me as I girlishly squeaked at the contact, grinning like a twat.

Dean stopped tickling me and pressing a few buttons on the camera, he smiled and showed me the picture of me laughing.

"That's better." He told me, I looked up to catch his eye, "You should smile more." He stated before he turned and walked to the classroom computer, leaving me standing there. I'm not ashamed to say that I was very confused at what just happened, and my heart had yet to return to its normal pace.

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	10. Chapter 10

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><p>I started to flick threw Dean's sketch book, it was bursting at the seems with research, reflection, experimental pieces and themes, drawings and paintings of different media and objects, different ideas for angels etc, it was very intriguing but I couldn't stop my eyes from staring at Dean sitting at the computer.<p>

From behind me I heard a; "Pist." I turned to see the boy I had yet to speak to but I learnt to be called ray. "He's gay you know."

"What?" I asked I hadn't expected that, who was this guy?

"Winchester. All that stuff about you being beautiful and going to his house, please." Ray sounded like he hated the words he was saying. My heart sank a little; it was like seeing a younger version of my dad. I mean my dad is worse but this kid hasn't had so many years for his hatred, fear and ignorance to manifest and spread throughout his body until there not one piece of compassion left in his heart for me.

"And you know this for a fact?" in all honesty I was buzzing at the news, Dean might be gay. I didn't want to get my hopes up or show this boy my true feelings so I stopped the smile that I felt starting to form and spoke like I was sceptic and didn't believe him. Also like I didn't really care one way or another, the latter was a lot harder to put into my words. Ray shrugged as rolled his eyes and he continued.

"He hasn't actually said so, not in so many words but I'm almost certain." He did seem so certain, but he was wrong. Even if Josh was gay he was wrong to go around telling people if he hasn't come out.

"So you're just spreading gossip." I told him trying to hold in the angry that was starting to boil in my stomach.

"I'm just warning you. Doing you a favour." He seemed convinced that he was genuinely trying to help, that actually needed to be warned; I instantly didn't like this emo twat.

"I don't need warning thank you." I spat out trying to sound threatening, I don't know if I did but he did back off.

"Whatever man." He mumbled before getting back to his picture, he was using black and white chalk on black paper. I turned back to Dean's sketch book, I could amazed I could never be able to do so much work, especially the research bit, I hate that bit, how did he find time? I looked over to him at the computer again and smile softly as I watched him waiting for the printing to finish. I glanced back at Ray's picture, there was a few beats of silence before my curiosity won over.

"What are you drawing?" Ray held up his drawing, it was a skull, pretty good. I knew from experience that skulls are a bitch to draw so I was quite impressed. "It's good." I told him, the boy smiled and the air felt lighter and filled with less tension.

"Not as good as that. God given talent him." Ray said as he looked at the picture on the next table.

"Yeah." I couldn't deny it as I looked over the wings, a mix of beautiful white feathers with blended chalk and tiny pieces of coloured magazine that served as shading. Really puts my work in the shade I thought. I love to draw but I don't possess what Dean has, amazing artistic flair with a pure raw talent.

"Not that he sees it of course." Ray remarked as he got in with his drawing and snapped me back to the convocation.

"What do you mean?" I asked eagerly, I was getting a look into Josh's world. Even though I decided I disliked this boy he had information I really wanted, so I perched on the edge of Dean's table and listened to what Ray had to say.

"Ask him what's wrong with that picture, he'll list a hundred points, ask him what's good. He'll struggle for five."

"But it's perfect." I said in awe as I gazed down at the detail of the armour.

"Nothings ever good enough for Mr Dean Winchester." He spoke in a mocking tone that confused me, there seemed to be anger in his words, maybe pain and defiantly a deeper meaning. Then it hit me.

"Do you like him?" it seemed a little surreal if I'm honest, but it made sense, I think. I mean of what I have seen of josh why wouldn't you like him, but the way Ray was talking about homosexuality early I never expected this. Then again perfect way for a closet case to go undetected, be homophobic, it made me sad and angry that people did this. Then I remembered what I was doing and I felt like a dick, guilty and foolish. What I was doing was lying clean and simple to everyone including myself, that's just as bad as what Ray was doing as a means of survival.

"What?" the boy tensed and stared at me sternly. He was very defensive and for a moment I thought I would have yet another fight on my hands.

"I just mean…" I tried to defuse the situation, before it got out of hand, didn't want another fight already.

"You calling me gay boy." He snapped at me as he stood and though squinted eyes he looked at me up and down. "What's your name?"

"Castiel." I told him, I made a point not to stand, it would be like accepting his challenge and I have already got too many bruises from today, including a black eye that felt like it was shaping up nicely. I found it strange that when I told ray my name he sat back down again.

"Castiel, as in the guy that beat Lucifier up?" Wow, seems to have spread through the school, he seems to know me by reputation and here's me hoping to get my head down and get through the year quietly.

"I think you miss heard the story. I kinda got my ass kicked." I laughed as I told him pointing to my eye.

"Na, you're like a hero man. No one's ever done that before." He sounded excited, like energy just got pumped into him. I remember thinking, hero? Really? All I did was get hit a few times a make spike the victim of a head butt, which I too paid for, but injury wise I would say I came out much worse, or many that wasn't the point.

"What stood up to that dick?" was that the point? Did winning or loosing even come into the equation or was it just the fact someone tried. Ray laughed a bit at that, which in turn made me smile a little.

"Yeah, or called him a dick either. Well to his face. Seriously that was pretty cool." It was nice to feel, I don't know admired? Like? Accepted? Whatever I was liked it. All I could think though was how much I wanted Dean to make me feel that way.

"Thanks." I told him who nodded. Maybe he wasn't that bad after all, maybe.

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	11. Chapter 11

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><p>A moment later Dean had returned holding the prints of my face and for the first time I could really see my black eye; it did look painful. Though the dark purple bruising did make my blue eyes more obvious, sorry but I like my eyes. My favourite part of my body, come on if they beat my ass for that title they have got to be amazing.<p>

"What are you two talking about?" Dean asked as he stood next to me looking in-between both me and Ray.

"Castiel's victory in the lunch hall." he informed Dean smiling slightly. He reminded me of a proud parent showing of his son's achievements, unlike my father of course but I hear they are sometimes known for it. Then Dean piped up he too sounded impressed, some how I seemed to have made a big impressed, at that point I wasn't entirely sure whether it was of the good or bad kind.

"Dude, I was there. It was awesome, he went all like Batman on there ass'." He told ray as he sat next to me, so close our thighs touched, and I felt the sparks again, fuck I already had a huge crush on this guy, I could indulge it so I stood up and leaned again the wall instead.

"Sure. Batman." Ray mocked in a bitchy tone, but Dean was a little distracting looking at me with a confused expression, wondering why I had moved. Dean shot the boy a fuck off look before giving him a friend shoulder nudge and exchanging smiles.

"Right Cas." He turned his attention onto me. "Sit down and I'll sort these out and do some practises." I did and Dean sat opposite me and spread the photos out on the table in front of us, I must admit I was a little disappointed to see he hadn't print out the one of me smiling, stupid I know. "I work quite slowly too, so this way buy the time I get to work on the actual piece, and to your black eye, it should be heeled." I nodded and Dean set to work cutting out the photos he took and arranging them in his sketch book, leaving room annotate around the edge.

We sat in silence for a bit, when Dean concentrated his mouth curls up at the edge of the left side of his mouth, cute I thought. I picked up the camera and pointed his at him.

"Dean." I said getting his attention and waiting.

"Yeah." He answered and unsuspectingly looked up, and got a face full of flash as I took a picture.

"Ah, fuck you." He sneered in a fun way, as least I hope it was.

"Dean, language." Miss spoke across the classroom, looking at him with raised eyebrows.

"Sorry." He called back and she got back to helping a girl with mixing the exact colour she wanted. He looked at me and we both started to laugh.

"Why'd you do that?" he asked as he snatched the camera out of my hands.

"Had to get you back didn't I." I joked through the slight giggle I had in my throat, which made Dean smile back at me. He then pointed the camera at me and I covered me face laughing as he tried to get me.

"Sounds like a challenge to me." he smirked

"Oh no," I told him and took the camera back turned it off and place it back down on the table "You strike me as a never back down kinda guy. I would imagine things would spiral out of control, very quickly."

"Sound like fun to me. But yes that is true; Sam always regrets it when we start to prank each other. I always win." A gentle smile grew on his face as he reminisced those memories, whilst my stomach dropped, Sam I thought. Of course if not a girlfriend then a boyfriend, unavailable. Just my type. Just my fucking luck.

But this was a good thing, it had to be, I mean me and him could never happen so it was good that Dean had someone to make him happy, it was just good to dream.

"Sam?" I asked trying to sound interested and casual and not jealous, I worked I think.

"Sam. Sammy, you met him at lunch." I remembered, at lunch I sat opposite him. Shaggy brown hair and big brown eyes, kinda cute I guess, Dean could do worse. Plus he knew me all of ten minutes maybe when he stood willing to defend me against spike and his minions, then I thought he probably didn't do it for me. He wanted to protect Dean. I realised that I shouldn't jump to conclusions, it wouldn't be fair, especially as Ray said he hadn't actually come out yet, so I decided to play dumb.

"Oh you two close?" I asked, I was aware my voice had become higher, I sound like a dick but thankful Dean didn't know me well enough to notice yet.

"Too close, little dweeb is unshakable." He joked I smiled too, they must have known each other for quite a while then. Yet they way he talked about him confused me, 'little dweeb' and then there was that girl Dean came in with and sat and cuddled up with Sam at lunch, I was starting to get confused.

"I see." Dean looked at me and he must have seen the confusion because he laughed a little and lent towards me and through a smirk told me;

"He's my brother Cas." I let out a breath I didn't even realise I was holding. And all I can remember thinking was; 'Thank you god!'

"Oh." I new I sounded relieved, though I knew I had no right to be, what wrong with Dean having a partner, expect it hurts to think about. I was pretty sure Dean sensed something, there was a little silence in which it felt that all the air in the room had been sucked out, fortunately Dean soon spoke,

"You got any siblings?" worst question he could ever have asked, I felt the sadness rise though my body filling my limps and weighing me down, I had to fight off the tears that were stinging in the back of my eyes.

"I did, once." I croaked out, I couldn't say I didn't, because I did he just wasn't with me physically, but I do because he with always be part of me.

"Once?" Dean asked, a little puzzled at my strange answer, but he saw the sadness on my face and the sorrow that was wrapped up in my words, so he stopped doing him work, gave me his full attention and asked gently.

"Yeah, he erm, he died." I told him as a single warm salty tear fell down my heated cheeks.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He placed his hand over mine, and a hot flush instantly race throughout my body, no I thought I can't. I pulled my hand away from his warm grip, wiped the tear away and smiled quickly as I looked at him.

"Its alright, happened a long time ago." Luckily I was getting good and a happy tone, guess that's not really a good thing but it made Dean smile at me and getting finish sticking the photos in.

What I said was true, it had been 12 years but it didn't mean it was alright. It was never going to be alright. Not when it was my fault he died, I killed him, it should have been me but no, I lived and my best friend, my brother died, and half of my heart died alongside him, it was never going to be alright.

I watch him as he took out some drawing paper from his bag and sharpened his pencil. He softly held my face and moved it to the right angle.

"Good, stay still." He told me as he moved his chair closer and started to sketch. I kept as still as I could; all accept my eyes I kept sneaking glances of the drawing it was shaping up nicely.

Dean kept catching me and telling me look ahead. It took him around half an hour to draw it, he then moved my head again and that heat and sparks from skin o skin contact rush over me again. He was around half way through when the bell went, I was so relaxed it made me jump nearly five feet in the air, which man both Dean and Ray laugh at my expense.

"Cya later guys." Ray told both of us before rushing out of the classroom, in much the same fashion as everyone else, eager to get home.

Dean on the other hand carefully packed away his supplies, placed his sketch book in his bag and his main piece back on the drying rack. I waited for him but didn't know if he wanted me to, but when he turned and found me standing there he smiled and we began walking out of the classroom.

"So where are you from?" he asked as he walked down the crowded corridor.

"LA." Dean's eyes widened I must seem well travelled, I suppose he grew up here, same hose all his life. It sounded nice.

"Wow, why the hell did you move here?" yeah I could hardly tell him the truth that would have gone down well.

"My Dad thought it best." Which was the truth, I didn't want to lie to this kid, I am aware how stupid that sound I mean my whole life is one big stinking lie. I wanted him to like me, to be my friend and friendship doesn't last if it's based on lies. Okay fine so I wanted to be more than friends but you know what they say; you cant always get went you want.

"Okay, a big city isn't for everyone I suppose." He told me, though there was suspicion in his voice he knew there was a story there, and he seemed to know I wasn't going to tell him so he dropped it but I knew.

"Suppose." I mumbled as we excited the school and went down the steps. Fuck I thought time to say good bye. It was so stupid I knew him for one day and I already didn't like the thought of leaving him, my life officially blew, officially!

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	12. Chapter 12

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><p>We stood at the bottom of the steps for a few seconds in silence.<p>

"Do you need a ride home?" he asked, he almost sounded like he was pleading instead of asking.

"No thank you." Though I would have loved to have said yes but I had my own car, and there was no way no fucking way I leaving her here all night when I have only just got her back.

"You sure, I got a sweet ride." I smiled, I really wanted to go.

"I have my own car, she's pretty gorgeous too."

"Oh really, I doubt we would agree on that." He seemed so certain, despite liking Dean all I could think was, 'you don't know me.' I don't like people judging me, no one know the real me, truly who I am and what I think, feel. Not one person knows my secrets so Dean should just assume thins about me. Then I calmed down and I actually agreed with him.

"You're probably right." I have yet to meet another boy my age that truly appreciated the awesomeness of my car.

"Can I see?" Dean asked, which did take me by surprised but I nodded quickly, I was excited to show another car enthusiast my beauty, but I was a little nervous, as much as I loved my beauty I knew that muscle cars wasn't for everyone and it would be kinda embarrassing if he shot me down and hated it.

"Alright man," Dean told me through his gorgeous smile and he clapped my on the shoulder with one hand and used his other arm to gesture to me to lead the way, I smiled but inside I was beaming, I placed my sun glasses on and started to walk towards the car park in silence.

I decided I couldn't hold of anymore, I had gone the whole day without a smoke, and this was a particular stressful one. To I got one out, lit and took a long awaited breath. Fuck me that was good. I knew that I wouldn't manage another school day without one at lunch time.

"You smoke?" Dean asked he looked at him with the lit cigarette between my lips, was he really asking this question. I took another breath and nodded and I exhaled smoke and removed the cigarette from my mouth.

"Yeah." I rumbled my voice sort of dropped an octave 'cause of the smoking, sounded pretty cool I thought. Dean stopped as we got to a brick wall, at separated school and student parking. I stopped as well not wanting to o on without him. It was strange he just stared at me, scanning me up and down; I wanted Dean to see me, notice me. But this made me feel like a piece of meat and very uncomfortable.

"Is there any part of you that isn't cool?" Dean laughed slightly before he asked after I took another drag. I thought about this for a second, why did he want to know? Or was it a compliment and I wasn't supposed to answer. Before I could work this out I had already answered.

"My comic collection." This gained a fucking awesome laugh from Dean and we walked in silence for a few strides. Then Dean turned and walked in front of me, facing me as he walked backwards and had a curious on sided smirk on his face, it lit up his eyes and my heart

"Castiel, cheerleaders' three o'clock, totally checking you out." He wiggled his eyebrows as he whispered.

"Doubtful." I told him before turning into my spot, I couldn't be bother to even look, they weren't exactly going to be my type, plus they all looked the same. Dean looked astounded that I didn't care, and was left speechless until he saw my car.

"Dude, this yours!" I almost laughed at the tone in his voice, like he didn't believe me or like he thought he was seeing the car. Either way his eyes grew so wide, if it were indeed possible his eyes would have fallen out, but I did make me laugh a little.

"That's my baby." The breathed out, I was relieved that Dean didn't laugh at me referring to my car with such affection, in fact he seemed to understand.

He circled her in silence examining her frame, running his hand over it, he then looking in the windows to see the interior. His smile grew and grew.

"Finally someone that appreciates good cars, come and see mine." He told me as he slung an arm around my shoulder, being a little shorter might explain why he kept doing his, though I have to admit I hope it wasn't the only reason I thought this as I smiled up as him for a moment and he kept his eye on my baby. "It's a classic." He stated as he looked down at me.

"I agree." I told him, "What's your like?"

"Another classic baby." He told me with a wink before leading me across the way.

"Oh my, this is yours? I'm not really one for motorbikes, but a Triumph TR5T Adventurer is my favourite. My uncle used to run a scrape yard, hundreds of bikes; I remember this one in particular. My uncle had one; let me ride it a few times. I mean vehicle wise my girl's number one but this I am not afraid to say is a close second."

"She's awesome isn't she?" Dean told me, all I could think was how big of a understatement could you get. This bike? This bike is like summary of all my childhood memories, the happy ones anyway. "I could give you a spin on it sometime, if you like." Yes! I almost jumped but I didn't I kept my composure, still not sure how I managed it.

"Yes." I told him as the biggest smile I could have managed spread across my face. "I better go." I told him as I walked back a step, loosing that warm contact of Dean's arm around me.

"Yeah. Okay." He told me and he moved towards his bike. He put his helmet on, which was hot by the way, turned and waved. "Bye."

"Yeah bye." I told him as I opened my car door and looked back.

We caught each others eyes and for the life on my I could not move, it seemed that he couldn't either because we stood there, staring at each other across the school parking lot. I am not sure how long we were like that, I'm guessing not long because no one seemed to notice, but for me it lasted a life time and that feeling it gave me, felt like it will last a life time more.

Dean looked away first, the boy I learnt was called Sam, and thankfully Dean's brother came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder before greeting his brother, putting on his helmet and getting on the back on Dean's bike. They then speed on, Dean beep and waved at me and he past, making my smile like a little girl, a smile I kept all the way home.

I pumped up the volume of the radio and drove home, as I did I thought of my new school, my new classes new enemies and hopefully new friends. I had been probably the most dramatic first days anyone has every had in the history of first days, but I have to admit I had fun. My mind went to Dean, and there it stayed. His eyes, his smile, his everything. By the time I pulled into the drive of my new house, my smile had completely disappeared and I felt close to tears. I realised just how hard it will be to keep the growing friendship I hope we are sharing, stay completely platonic.

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	13. Chapter 13

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**oh and i kinda hate the end in this chapter lol you may agree or not either way enjoy the chapter x**

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><p>My father's car was already in the drive way so I knew I had questions and awkward small talk to endure. After I pulled into the driveway I sat in my car until the end of the song that was playing. Just my luck it was a fucking sad love song kind of song, but I suppose it's kind of empowering or whatever but it was heart breaking at the time, jar of hearts or something. When the song ended I turned the radio off, took a deep breath, grabbed my bag and put some gum in my mouth before dragging myself out of my car and into the house. It was now did I realise I didn't have a key; I was locked out my own house, perfect. So I knocked and waited for dad to answer.<p>

"Hello father." he opened the door wider for me to enter.

"Castiel." He greeted me as formally as how I greeted him. He went back to the living room and sat back down on the sofa and continued with his book. Perhaps I was wrong, no questions about my first day, wow my dad really cares about my life. "Why didn't you use your key?" Dad asked without looking from his copy of Casanova. The choice of book did surprise me a little but not enough to ask about it.

"Don't have one." I told him from the kitchen as I poured myself some orange juice and join my dad back in the living room. I stood leaning against the back of the armchair as I drank my drink and waited for a reply. We were in silence for a second before he finished his chapter and reached into his pocket.

"Don't loose it." He instructed me as he gave me a spare door key.

"I won't sir." I told him as I pocketed the key. "Thank you."

"Castiel." My dad said as he looked up from his book and at me. "I got a phone call from your school today. A bit early for fights isn't it?"

"Sorry dad. But I didn't start it. It was completely self-defence, and-" dad rose his hand to stop me and I shut up instantly.

"Sit." He commanded as he gestured to the sofa. I did so and sat on other end of the sofa to my father. I know from experience that if I sit next to him, he will make as excuse to get up and leave the room and sometimes he simply moved to another chair, my father wasn't the most subtle man in the world. "Castiel I do not like you fighting, I expect better from you. Especially on your first day. Not the best impression to give."

"I'm sorry, but they approached me and it's not like I came out uninjured." Told him as I looked him in the eye, I saw him look over the bruise before sighing.

"But why did they start a fight. Was it because you're new?" he asked as he placed his book on the coffee table and looked at me for an answer.

"No." I told him as I looked at my hands, I didn't want to catch his eye, 'cause I felt like I was about to get a telling off.

"Then what?" he sounded weirdly calm, like he actually cared, so I took a breath and told him the truth.

"I had a run in with them last night." I saw his eyes go stern so I quickly started looking at my hands and started to twirl my thumbs.

"I told you not to talk to anyone." He answered quickly. Was that all he had to say? Doesn't matter that I have come in with a black eye, no I brought it on myself, typical dad. This really did piss me off; did he ever think that I don't like fighting that I would have avoided it if I could? That I had no choice? My words that were bubbling in my stomach and my throat shoved them out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"What was I to do? they were harassing Jo. I couldn't just let them continue." At that my father froze completely, and after a few second but let me tell you that that room went icy cold and extremely uncomfortable and those few seconds were honestly like hours.

"Jo?" dad asked as he stood and walked to the other side of the room. "Casitel, we have only just got here. You told me you were done with all that nonsense."

"What are you talking about?" I asked from the sofa, I actually couldn't move as I watch dad angrily pacing back and forth.

"Jo? Jo! You get in a fight with the school bullies to save some poor innocent Jo! Well let me tell you that-"

"Dad! Jo's a girl!" I interpreted as soon as I understood my dad over reaction.

"What?" he asked eyes shooting to mine instantly.

"Her full name is Joanna Beth." I explained in a sigh. "They were being jerks to her, I couldn't not help. No one stands up to them so today they were trying to heal there wounded pride okay." Dad seemed to relax and came back and sat down, not near me though he sat in the arm chair.

"Oh." Was all he muttered. What I did wasn't wrong, it was right I was being a good person I didn't understand dads reaction to what I told him even if Jo was a boy. Was dad that paranoid and scared?

"It was mum that taught me that if you see wrong doing, if you are in a position to help it is your duty to do so." He looked at me with soft eyes and sad little smile as he heard me speak of my mother.

"Oh my dear boy. Your mother was very wise."

"I know." Sat in silence, both saddened by the mention of mum but I managed to get through to him, I think he understood. At least I hope he did. Dad didn't like the silence and seemed excited that I played protector for a girl; I wasn't going to hear the end of this.

"So this Jo, she pretty?" I managed to stop myself from both rolling my eyes and simply leaving the room.

"Yeah, she's a lovely girl." Which was true, just because I don't find them attractive I can still tell if girls are pretty and what not and Jo? She was one hell of a pretty girl. Wonderfully long layered blonde hair, and her skin was fair and clear and she didn't over do the make up. I mean she was naturally pretty but her make up really enhanced it. Come to think of it, if I was straight, like really straight and not just pretending I guess I would be attracted to her and would probably ask her out, I mean she was a nice girl. Too bad we seemed to be crushing on the same guy.

"Good." He seemed satisfying with that and I guessed there was nothing else really to say.

"So you're done freaking out? Because I have homework to do." I tried to joke as I stood and head for the stairs.

"You're a good boy Castiel. I know you will do me proud. I will order pizza for seven yeah?" we exchanged smiled before I nodded and moved to the stairs, were I stopped I would regret it and hate myself if I didn't say this I thought so I had no choice.

"Even if Jo was a boy. I wouldn't be wrong in helping him, if it's the right thing to do."

"Of course, but she isn't a boy so it really doesn't matter." I really hated my dad at that moment, I realised that no matter what I do he wont love me like h should, but he should at least understand the lie I am living for him.

"When I was, different not every guy spurred my advances." I felt disgusted at myself for not using the word gay but I knew my father couldn't take it.

"I do not wish to know." He snapped quickly not being able to look at me and he picked up his book again, signalling the end of the convocation, but I continued.

"I'm just saying that not every girl will now. I am capable of having platonic friendships with both boys and girls. Just thought that needed to be said. I'll see you at seven." I climbed the stairs and rushed to my room.

I pulled out my CD player from my suit case and put my favourite CD in before crashing on the bed with my bag by my side. I laid still for a few songs before pulling out my timetable to examine my classes for tomorrow. After I pulled out my Spanish books to do the homework for third period tomorrow, it took so long. I mean seriously I almost gave up así que fue puta aburrido!

By the time the pizza came I had managed to do my Spanish and math homework as well as making duplicate copies of my time table and have a nap. It was actually from this nap that my father woke me for dinner.

We ate in silence at other ends of the table, like always the food was more interesting than convocation.

After that I retreated back to my room with a soda and I set up my TV and DVD player before reading a few chapters in my current book of wind in the willows, easy reading but one of my favourites, lost count of the number of times I have read it.

I had time for a film before I dozed off to sleep, I wisely choose the classic film; back to the future. Though I had attempted an early night, I lay awake for hours that night running the day over in my mind. Mainly I thought of Dean our joking around in math, how he defended me at lunch, our time in art and how his eyes lit up when he saw my care and the offer of a ride on his bike. It was so perfect, apart from the black eye that was stinging a little.

I finally got to sleep at around two and before I knew it my alarm was blearing and I was getting up for yet another day. Time for day two, at least if it sucked there was only tomorrow to go before the weekend I thought as I forced myself to get out of my warm inviting bed, I would give anything to curl back up in it and fall back asleep.

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><p><strong>please review xxx<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you or the reviews :)**

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><p>That morning I managed to get to school early so had a cigarette leaning against my car before I entered school. I walked into homeroom with my head held as high as I dared. Sunglasses on my face in an attempt to hide my black eye, but I'm sure the teacher will tell me to take them off, sometimes I missed LA.<p>

Unfortunately not everyone was in the classroom so I didn't know which seats were free so instead I had to approach the teacher. I recognised the man as the guy that took me to the heads yesterday lunch, such a good first impression. He was sitting at his desk and looked up when I stood in front of him.

"Ah yes Castiel. I'm Mr Wicks Nice of you to join us today. Please take a sit, the back far left desk is free." I nodded and turned. "Glasses." He told me and I slowly removed them, my eye had really ballooned over night and my stomach had blossomed into proper purple bruises so it was harder to move.

As I turned I noticed everyone was looked at me, and when I removed my glasses their stares didn't lessen up some even gasped. My stomach was churning and my palms sweaty from the attention. As I scanned the class my eyes were drawn to a familiar face, Bella- the rich English girl, she waved and I nodded to her as I made my way to my seat next to her. As I sat down we exchange smiles and she went back to texting.

The morning announcements started, I didn't really pay much attention but there was nothing of real importance. When they were over Mr Wicks came over and gave me a piece of paper with my locker information on it, I had totally forgotten about my locker.

I pocketed the piece of paper and looked up to the clock and watched it tick by, until it was finally time to leave.

As I stood I wondered whether I should try walking or even walking with Bella, I mean we knew of each other we weren't really friends, I didn't know the rules of acquaintance interaction. Thankfully she approached me.

"I wouldn't bother trying to hide the eye, I think it's sexy." What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I had no clue, so I was nervous and shy and now I was also confused.

"Thanks." I told her, I suppose she was looking for some humour there wasn't any in my face so she turned to leave. I felt horrible she was just being friendly and I acted like a dick. "What have you got now?" I asked the only thing that popped into my mind in such a short amount of time, it worked though because Bella turned with a smile on her face.

"Biology."

"Me too." Her smile only got wider as she stepped towards me.

"Oh that's awesome. Walk with me?" she asked, as she flattered her obviously fake eye lashes.

"My pleasure." I told her as we started to walk out of the classroom and along the busy corridor.

"Who have you got for biology?" she asked, granted I pegged her as a little stuck up but at least she was making an effort, small talk was really not my thing.

"Miss long. You?" I didn't really care but hey, I was trying to be polite.

"Mr Hopkins. That sucks." Didn't see why, it wouldn't make but of a difference either way, she probably already had friends to sit and work with.

"Yeah."

"At least you came at the right time; we've just finished this project on music and plants. I had to listen to this stupid hippy shit I hated, the plants hated. It was not cool." Have to admit I love her accent. If Dean was British I probably would have creamed my pants as soon as we meet. I smiled at what she was saying; it was as if we were actually friends. She was open and relaxed around me, I envied her. "So you won't be without a lab partner, they'll probably sort it out today." That put me at ease a little; I didn't have to worry about coming in half way through a project or have to take on one on my own, hopefully anyway.

"Oh this is me." she told me pointing at the door to her classroom, so I nodded to her and was about to leave when she spoke again. "Thank you for walking with me."

"My pleasure Bella." I told her and I meant it.

"I'll see you at lunch." She said with such certainty, I didn't realise I was welcome, did the others want me around, or even remember me?

"Perhaps." I told as I shuffled on my feet a little, really wanting to go and sit quietly in my class room.

"No perhaps Castiel. You're sitting with us. End of." Why was she being so nice, I didn't know her. I decided I didn't care, it wasn't unheard of for people to be nice and friendly, so I smiled touched by her efforts to make me feel welcome.

"Thank you." I told her with a genuine smile, before she winked at me and left.

I turned and walked towards my classroom, I thought of Bella's wink and the distinct lack of butterflies and how that simple little gesture when made by Dean can affect me so badly. This plagued my mind as I entered the lab.

It seemed I had done something right; call it karma or being in gods favour or whatever fact is I had a freaking angel looking over me in that lab, that or the devil and he was tempted me, fuck. Basically I got partnered with Dean and it took all my strength not to jump up and down right there.

As I sat down next to him we exchanged smiles and started to talk.

"Hey." He greeted me; I smiled thinking about how much time I was going to spend with this guy.

"Good morning." I told him, just as the teacher I learnt was called Miss Lyons came and told us be quiet and do the pop quiz she put on all the desks, so she could find out where we are and what kind of projects we should do, we would get our projects next lesson. I just hoped it wasn't anything boring, not that biology can really be anything but. Surprisingly though the test didn't stop Dean who wrote on a piece of paper;

'_Why so formal?' _

'_Sorry.'_

'_Dude seriously.'_

'Sorry,_ I mean. Sorry okay I get nervous around new people.'_

'_It's cool dw about it.'_

'_Thank you Dean'_

'_anyway I'm not a new person we're friends now :)'_

'_I would like that.'_

'_Besides gotta keep my model sweet don't I.'_

'_Rhubarb and custard sweets will do :)'_

_'Ha lol how about dinner? Come round for dinner tomorrow and I can get to work on drawing you.'_

I blushed when I read Dean's message. It was like a dream, he thinks of me of a friend already and wants me to come for dinner, yeah it was so the devil trying to tempt me, and I was really tempted. I really wanted to go but what would my father say, would he even allow it? Probably not but as I said I really wanted to go.

Just then the bell went and I had English so I rushed out of the class shooting a quick glance a Dean. I left the word _'yes.'_ Written on the paper we were writing on. I chanced a glance over my shoulder and I almost couldn't believe it. He was softly smiling at the note I left.

I walked to English with a smile on my face. I sat in the same desk and waited for the class to begin. Mrs Peters soon begin she came in and started to continue that synopsis. So I begin to stare out of the window and daydream.

"Mr Novak." She spat at me and pulled me out of my very lovely dream, I darted my gaze to her and she continue. "I presume that as you see fit to not pay attention in my class you are already well informed with Romeo and Juliet." Oh how right she was, I didn't say anything in fact I just kept her gaze. "Stand up, how about gracing us with the prologue."

I stood up and I could see the smug look on her face, I looked around and it wasn't until he smile and opened her mouth to speak did I slowly rumble out her request.

"Two households, both alike in dignity,  
>In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,<br>From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,  
>Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.<br>From forth the fatal loins of these two foes  
>A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;<br>Whose misadventured piteous overthrows  
>Do with their death bury their parents' strife.<br>The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,  
>And the continuance of their parents' rage,<br>Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,  
>Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;<br>The which if you with patient ears attend,  
>What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend."<p>

I finished and the class was left dumb struck, no one had expected that at of all Mrs Peters whose face was one of utter shock and embarrassment, which made a lot of the student snigger.

"You, studied the play in your last school?" she asked trying to cover her tracks. I shook my head and answered.

"Macbeth." I told her, which was the truth; I wasn't going to lie to make her feel better, besides it was amusing to see how red her face got.

"Oh well sit down." He hurried and I sat down a little smirk across my face.

I sat in a silent day dream for the rest of the lesson. After Spanish I walked to geography with Chuck and we talked about his new story idea, we didn't have physics together which was a shame, I was growing quite attached to the little guy. I was on my own until lunch and I did want to join the other in the lunch hall, really I did but I really wanted to find my locker and I was dying for a cigarette.

I managed to do both and I rushed towards the lunch hall but the bell went and I had to go to my next lesson without seeing Dean, or the others.

I had my most hated subject, gym. It's not my most hated subject because I'm bad at it, it the whole getting naked in front of others guys torture, I got my kit from my car boot and made my way to the changing room, I took a breath and went in.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed it, please review :D<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for the reviews! enjoy the chapter** :)

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><p>I entered the locker room and already there was a lump in my throat. I had self control but hadn't been in a room with a dozen teenage lads getting undressed since the programme, so I was terrified it was going to be much for me.<p>

I must have been my lucky day because when I entered that room, put my bags down and took my jacket of the teacher, coach Pullman called me into his office.

He was a short man with a chubby face, well chubby everything. Short blonde hair and brown eyes, I didn't know what to expect as he sat at him desk and motioned for me to sit down too.

"So, Castiel. How do you like the school?" I was quite confused, why did the gym teacher care? But I had to be polite, personally I don't really know what I think of this school yet, not completely anyway.

"It's good." I vaguely told him, I didn't fully understand the reason for the convocation.

"Made any friends yet boy?" okay now I was really confused, and what was with the name 'boy' he knew my name.

"A few." I hoped anyway.

"That's good kid? You'll need that if you want to survive here; friends give you unity a sense of purpose. You what else does?" I was started to feel uncomfortable around this man.

"Sir?"

"A sports team, I see in you records you played soccer." I sighed; I didn't think he would find out.

"Yes."

"So you're good." Yes I thought I was bloody brilliant, I loved playing. Can't now obviously.

"I was adequate." I lied and prayed leave it at that.

"You were down for a sports scholarship." Fuck didn't know he knew about that. Oh how I miss that scholarship. I couldn't say anything, what was I supposed to say?

"There's a little note from your previous coach. You were the star player." I cast my eyes onto the floor, my former glory, sort of. I really missed my team I mean we weren't friends but we worked well together, and kicked ass. "So you gonna try out boy?" boy? Why boy? What was wrong with Castiel?

"No I don't think so. I just want to get my head down and graduate." I told the coach I mean that was true but I would still join the team if I could. I didn't want to divulge the real reason behind it.

"What do you mean kid? This is a great opportunity. Don't you want to go to college?" coach Pullman seemed to be getting a little annoyed, I was touched that he cared so much about me, that he didn't want me to throw away this opportunity that could path my whole life, that or he wanted his team to win. But I felt better thinking it was the first one. Thing is I did, I really did want to go to college.

"Yes very much so. But certain things are expected, certain standards as such and if there not then, my father wont allow me to attend college." I told him as I continued to stare at the floor I couldn't bare to look him in the eye, but I felt them balling into me as he continued to try to convince me.

"If it's about grades then you don't have to worry, if you're failing class your cut. So you get both sport and class. But looking at your past grades I don't see that as a problem. See sorted. See you at tryouts." He was so sure, how was anyone so sure about anything, I wish I was this sure about something other than my sexuality, something I wish I didn't.

"I can't. I want to coach. I do, but my father he, its not the best course of action me at the moment." I chance a look up, the coach's eyes had softened slightly, then I realise just how tense and closed off I was sitting, god I must have looked a sight.

"Is there something you want to talk to me about boy?"

"Castiel." I told him, trying my best to change the subject.

"What?" he asked, maybe I choose the wrong subject, I didn't want to anger him.

"My name is Castiel. Not boy or kid, Castiel." He told him sternly before looking down again, I don't mind being called it not really, just my dad used to. It wasn't a sign for affection. "Sorry, it's just," I trailed off and sat silently coach Pullman sighed before continuing.

"Look kid, at least see how you feel after the session today." Fair enough I thought.

"Okay." Though I knew after I played my will power to say no would be at its lowest but I simply couldn't pass up a game. So I went into the changing room, thankfully everyone has finished and were on the field, I started to get changed when the coach came out of the office and told me to be as quick as I can. I stood shirtless in the changing room and I slowly moved my hand over the deep upside down 'y' scar just below and to the left of my heart. Just above it, over my heart was the words;

'Jimmy

1994-2000'

Tattooed on my chest, over my heart, forever as remembrance. My dear brother. Among my many, many tattoos three stood out far beyond the rest, Jimmy's tattoo; for obvious reasons, the card symbols of a club, heart, spade and diamond, going vertically down in a ling started just about waist band level on my right hand side, going down and finishing on the top of my thigh. My uncle had exactly the same one. He was the closest thing I had to a father, in my eyes anyway. As bad as that sounds and I know it does, but he listened to me, gave me advise wanted to see me and hang around with me, he cared. The last was the lily I had down on my left hip with

'Mum'

Written above it, it was her favourite flower. Though there were many others, those were the most sentimental. I sighed as I looked down at my inked up chest, and down my body, my shorts were quite short and on my left leg the tail of my dragon tattoo that wrapped completely around my leg was on show. I hoped coach didn't do the system of shirts and skins and if he did I prayed I didn't get skin, I had enough of people gawping at me, I thought as I pulled the t-shirt on. They always jump to the conclusion that I had something to prove or I was some big bad ass, I just wanted something that meant something to me to stay with me all my left, that and my rebellious stage last year. But really I just wanted to be left alone. With the exception of a few people, one and the main expectation I was thinking about came running through the door huffing.

"Hey." He greeted me, my back was turned and in full thought so I didn't hear him come in, when he tapped me on the shoulder I jumped and squeaked his name

"Dean." Making me laugh which in turn made me smile. "You're a bit late."

"Yeah, got held up. Do you mind waiting for me, then coach Pullman wont crack down on my balls so badly if there are two of us." He asked as he hurriedly pulled his kit from his bag and pulled his clothes trying to get change as quick as possible.

"Sure." I told him as I turned a little, seeing Dean's chest was really not a good idea, so I turned slightly. We stood in silence for a few minutes. I turned I he was done and he sorted the rest of his stuff out quickly. His gaze was caught to my left wrist and he remarked.

"Didn't know you had a tattoo." I looked at the angels wings there and smiled, I was a fan of this one it looked good, since pat- the guy that did this one I always went to him for my tattoos though obviously I can't anymore, going to have to find a new tattooist, great I thought remembering the drama of the last time.

"Yeah. A few." I told him though that was an understatement, a few is two, three possibly four. I have eleven, all well most with meanings behind them, that and metal bar through my right nipple, another reason I didn't want to take me shirt off.

"How many?" he asked, I didn't really want to tell him, he might think me a weirdo.

"Not enough. You ready?" I asked, he nodded and patted me on the shoulder

"Yeah. Let's go." We jogged out to the field were the others were warming up, when the coach saw us he shouted across the way.

"Dean, Castiel. You're late! Warm up, quickly!"

"Yes Coach." We both told him as we jogged past him to start stretching. After a good five minutes the coach blew his whistle to get all of our attention.

"Gather in!" he yelled and after we were all bunched around him he began instructing us. "Right we going to play a friendly game of soccer, those already on the team will be divided up equally between the teams and I want everyone to have a go with the ball." The rest few minutes the coached shuffled people around until he was happy. "Right, you half shirts. You half skins." He told everyone. Fuck I thought. Yes I got skins, fucking perfect. Dean had shirt, which I suppose was a good thing if I wanted to concentrate on the game, I could tell he took care of himself. Everyone was busying them selves in talking and/or taking their tops off. Dean was standing next to me when I stripped.

Dean's mouth fell to the ground and basically everyone fell silent and stared at me, some even came closer. As well as the others I had a cross on the top of my right arm, and a verity of musical notes in a line from my right collar bone up and around the back of my neck to my left collar bone, and 'fly free' in Chinese on my left shoulder blade. The dragon was slightly visible and there were three others that had yet remained unseen.

I think coach Pullman regretted making me a skin because now the class was more engrossed in me then the lesson. There were a lot of mummers either to me or each other I just tried not to go red.

"Fucking hell newbie."

"Awesome."

"Who the fuck his this kid?"

"Shit man." Where all among what was being said, only one got a rise out of me.

"Whose Jimmy your lover?" a boy said as he laughed to himself, thankfully no one else was laughing. My eyes shot up, as he glared at the boy in front of me.

"Careful." I warned him.

"N'aw did I offend you, you fag. Not my fault if you have a guys name tattooed on your chest." I charged at the twat in front of me and violently shoved him and when he came at me I flipped him over and pinned him to the ground.

"Look at it. Look!" I shouted forcing him to look at the tattoo. "Six years! He was six years old and he died!" I shouted in his face as he held his eye my in death glare. In I got closer and growled into his eye. "One more word about him and I will kill you." I was being deadly serious.

"Alright, come on guys. Get playing." Coach pulled shouted as he broke us up, he threw the ball to a boy and blew the whistle to signify the start of the game. But stopped the boy that I kinda attacked and threaten. "Lewis, your already on thin ice, if I see that kind of behaviour or language again I will not hesitate in reporting you, okay?" I heard him threaten this 'Lewis' and it made me smile.

"Yes coach." The boy said back before the coach refused to let him joined the game and sent him to his office to wait for him. I couldn't help but smirk as I watch him go.

Dean was on the opposite team, he had the ball and I ended up in front of him, needing to tackle, he winked at me before he tried to get past. I honestly hadn't meant to shoulder barge him so hard but he ended u on the floor looking up at me. so I winked as him and continued playing, I didn't miss the goofy smile on Dean's face as I did so, I was a miracle I could turn away from that gorgeous face of his.

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	16. Chapter 16

**Thank** **you for** **the reviews**

**A lot of you were wondering what happened to Jimmy, you will find out later on in the story.**

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><p>The game was fantastic, my heart was pumping, adrenaline flying and scoring through my body and I even broke into a sweat, I scored two of the three goals for our team, which beat the other team by one and I loved every single fucking minute of it. I have to admit Dean wasn't the best soccer player but he was not the worst, but I could tell it really wasn't his game. We wondered in together both of us trying to get our breath back, until I heard my name being called and Dean told me he'll wait for me inside.<p>

"Castiel!" I turned and saw cheer leader swaggering her way towards me, her hair dark and curly, scrapped back into a pony tail with too much make up and dark brown eyes, almost too dark and her outfit, was just a little too short even for a cheerleaders. "Hi." He said making her voice higher then it should be, with her hands on her hips and eyes looking over my body, in a not so subtle way.

"Hello." I greeted her, I didn't really want to talk to her but I also didn't want to be rude.

"You were great out there." She told me as he stepped closer to me, now I could have been wrong but I was certain she was flirting with me which made me sweat for than the soccer, god all I wanted to do was get out of there.

"Thank you. Do I know you?" I asked, I didn't want to sound rude but who the fuck was this girl. Come into my life and take me away from Dean as company.

"You will. I'm Meg." She sounded so cocky and certain that I was just going to fall into her hands, or her bed wasn't sure which, probably her bed, eew.

"Good to meet you." I lied, completely; I didn't even want to get to know her.

"Sweetie you have no idea." She told me with a smirk, how someone can be this cocky is beyond me, then again she is a cheerleader.

"Castiel, enough chatting." Coach Pullman shouted , thank fuck. I nodded to Meg and walked off, quickly. I distinctly heard her say 'Hmmm' to herself as I walked back and she checked me out, I cringed at the thought.

I quickly made my way to the changing rooms where I found Dean undoing his shoes, he smiled when he saw me next to him.

"Cheerleader? Castiel you dark devil." He joked.

"She was quite unpleasant, I don't want to talk to her again." Dean laughed at this, I know that's not the common opinion when it comes to cheerleaders buts it's completely true, when it came down to it she just seemed, shallow.

When were in silent for a while, I thought I could feel Dean's eyes on me, on my chest but I didn't have the balls to look up and see, I kinda liked the tingle of anticipation and uncertainty, if I found out I was making it up I would have felt like a stupid dick.

"Cas, you were awesome out there, how you took down Lewis. Wicked cool. Oh and soccer? You rule. You should try out for the team." I smiled at Dean and I agreed with him, I did want to but I couldn't, though it was getting harder and harder to convince myself of that.

"Thanks Dean but I don't think so." I took him as I put my shirt in my bag.

"Why?" he honestly seemed astonished that I didn't jump at the chance of it and I did want to.

"Don't think my father would approve." I honestly told him, honest because my dad specifically told me he didn't want me getting changed with a load of sporty boys before running around getting sweaty with then showering with them, honestly my dad made it sounded way better then it was. I guess I saw his point, he didn't want me tempted but I loved soccer so much. Sometimes it was hard not to hate my dad.

"Wow that sucks." Dean told me as he sat on the bench we were sharing and looked at me.

"Yeah." I answered as I toed my shoes off.

"Do you want to play on the team?" he asked and I nodded, he shrugged and answered as if the answer was so simple. "Then what your dad doesn't know won't hurt him." I winced at the thought, I was getting tired of lying to my dad/ "Do you want to play or not. It's your life Castiel." I thought about this for a second.

"You're right." I told him then I made my way to Coach Pullman's office, Lewis wasn't there. The coach was at his desk buried in papers, I knocked on the door until he looked up.

"Coach I would like to try out for soccer." A smile grew on both our faces.

"Excellent. Try outs tomorrow after school." he told me before looking back down and getting on with his work. When I heard the date of the try outs my smile faded, fuck. Tomorrow I was going around Dean's, damn it. I wouldn't see him for so long and I could really asked him to wait or come back so he could show me the way to his.

"So you're going to them yeah?" Dean asked as I came back.

"Yeah but there after school so I won't be able to come around." I spoke slowly, what he did I didn't expect, he laughed.

"Don't worry come around after Sam it trying out to so ill be there anyway, it's fine."

"Okay." A massive smile appeared on my face, things seemed to be working out. When got undressed and into our towels in silence, luckily since it the end of school, most of the guys had already gone, having rushed the shower.

We stood next to each other Dean's eyes dragged over my torso, his eyes stopped.

"Did it hurt?" he asked.

"What?" He reached up and my entire body tingled and ran warm, he flicked the metal bar though my nipple.

"That." I squirmed a little and I we laughed slightly as my dick actually stirred and I couldn't help think of Dean having the bar in his mouth, licking it and tugging slightly, fuck.

"a little." I croaked out, we caught each others eyes and I could hardly breathe, he patted me on the shoulder and looked away, I did the same and tried to shake of the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.

"Shower time." Dean joked when we walked to the shower together. We stepped in; fortunately there was a lot of steam. Dean and I showered in silence, there was around another three people in with us and they were muttering amongst themselves. After a few minutes on came up to me.

"Castiel right?" he asked I couldn't even be bothered to turn.

"Yes." I told him, was the shower really a place to meet new friends?

"I'm Eric."

"Can I help you?" I asked, trying to sound polite but I was naked and I felt uncomfortable, probably why I didn't want to look at him.

"You know you've got a heart tattooed on your ass right?" he asked and the other two boys in the shower laughed. Dean remained silent; he seemed to be waiting for me to answer. Luckily I had the perfect comeback ready and rehearsed ready to shot back.

"I am aware. But have yet to understand why you're looking at my ass."

"Fuck off." Eric growled, and another boy stepped in.

"Cool it Eric, the guy got you." He said in the middle of laughter.

"Shut it Cameron." Eric snapped before storming out of the shower to get dressed and go home. When this Cameron guy had stopped laughing, I am guessing his curiosity got the best of him.

"Why do you have a tattoo there anyway?" I felt the room suddenly become tense. Dean looked up to me and waited for an answer. Now what could I have said; because I love ass? Not likely so I told them the only thing I could think of.

"My girlfriend wanted matching ones." I lied, the only girlfriend I have ever had was in fifth grade and even then I preferred to hang out with her older brother.

"Awesome." Cameron said before everything went silent. Dean looked down and quickly finished his shower.

We got dressed in silence and even though he waited for me before he left so we could walk together I felt him go a little cold, like he was angry at me or he was hurt or something. It wasn't until we had walked at least half way to the parking lot did I finally ask.

"Are you okay Dean?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." His eyes didn't even look up at me.

"You sure?" I pushed I didn't like the idea of me upsetting Dean in some way. He coughed and looked at me and smiled.

"Yeah. Its all good" he told me, I shared his smile and we walked in a less tension filled silence, especially when he kept playfully barging me with his shoulder as he walked. We stood in the same spot on the wall as yesterday as I had a cigarette and Dean waited for me to finish. "Jimmy, was he? Is he your brother?"

"Yes." I said sadly as I breathed as smoke.

"Was he older or younger than you?" I didn't want to talk about it but I felt Dean should know.

"He was my twin." I told him as I after I took another large drag and exhale the words along with the smoke.

"Fuck Cas, I'm sorry." Dean said, his words were pleasant but didn't help, he had nothing to feel sorry for.

"It's fine." I told him before I finished my cigarette and we began to walk as I listen to Dean speak.

"No its not. I don't even want to think about what I would be like if I had lost Sammy.

If you want to talk about it, or anything. I'm here for you." The last person that offered that was my uncle, no one had cared since him..

"Thanks Dean, but no thank you. I am not in the habit of confessing my secrets to

strangers." I told him as I carried on walking, Dean stopped dead at my words before running after me.

"Wait, wait a minute." He snapped at me before holding my left arm and pulling me around to face him. "I thought we were friends."

"We are." I told him, fuck I thought I really did offend him but that wasn't my intension.

"Well obviously not, you just called me a stranger."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just I told you it is hard to talk to people, I just freaked. I'm sorry." I told him and as I spoke I could see his eyes soften as he understood what I was saying.

"Yeah, sorry." We smiled at each other and walked in comfortable silence until we got to my car. "So, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Okay bye."

"Cya tomorrow. Oh my mum wants to know if you eat meat." He seemed a little embarrassed asking the question, but I honestly thought I was adorable I smiled as I answered.

"Yes I do."

"Cool well. Bye." I said as he walked backwards to his motorbike that was surprisingly close to my car.

"Bye Dean." I told him as I got him and watched him sit on his bike and wait for his brother, he waved as I started to drive home.

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><p>That night I cooked me and dad lemon chicken on rice and we ate in silence, again. Even though we don't speak dad still insists that meal time is family time and we should eat together.<p>

"Anything interesting happen at school today?" dad asked eyes still on his food.

"No. Just normal day." I answered, even if aliens attacked the school and we defended our selves with pencils and won, I would still answer with the same response. It was just a courtesy question he didn't really want to know, so I did the same back.

"How was work?"

"Good."

"Good." We sat in silence for a bit. I realised that I had to tell dad about going around a friends for dinner tomorrow. This will not go down we I thought, especially as the friend is a boy. Thank god dad spoke before me.

"I'll be working late tomorrow Castiel. I have a meeting, and the deal is almost broken. Won't be back until around eleven. You'll be alright?" a smile appeared on my face, I couldn't believe my luck.

"Yes father, I'll be just fine."

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	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you for your reviews :) it means a lot X**

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><p>The next day was kind of awesome; I actually started to feel that I belonged. I had homeroom with Bella, history with Chuck, maths with Dean, English, Economics with Jo, and then lunch. Lunch I spent with all of the people I was getting close to calling friends. I sat next to Dean and we all listened and laughed at Becki's theory of aliens. Then I had art with Dean, this lesson was rapidly becoming my favourite one at the school.<p>

I brought my previous art folders from my old school with me so our teacher could see just how much I sucked. I sat on the table with Dean, sitting opposite him. There were six tables in the room and only what looked like twelve students so me and Dean got to have a table to ourselves.

We were given a new theme; identity. Great I thought, how can I do a project on identity when I am hiding who I am everyday?

I spent the first half of the lesson showing and explaining my previous work to the teacher, she seemed impressed which did surprise me. I much prefer graphic digital art, taking photos was my thing really. The second half I spent spider diagramming for initial ideas along with Dean. He had many ideas but his favourite seemed to be how family creates your identity- a sort of nature/nurture thing, he wanted to draw his family and friends I think, I liked the idea. I liked the idea of hiding identity pretending to be what your not. I can relate.

The bell soon went and my nerves were completely gone, I spent the day trying to forget about tryouts but it was very hard now that's school is over and they were about to begin I felt sick with worry.

"You have nothing to worry about you know." Dean told me as we walked to my car to get my kit and drop of my school stuff.

"Thanks." I told him, it made me happy and less edgy knowing that he believed in me.

"Is Sam any good?"

"Brilliant, he's sure to make the team." We walked a little way more in silence.

"So what will you be doing whilst Sam and I play soccer?"

"I'll be watching." He told me with a smirk as I got to the changing room.

"What?" I asked completely serious as my face fell, now the thought of Dean watching me really made me nervous, well the thought of making a fool out of myself in front of him did.

"Good luck. I'll see you out there." He told me before walking away with his usual cocky smile. I took a deep breath before entering.

"Hi Castiel."

"Hi Sam." I seemed to be comfortable enough around Sam and the others not to say the full 'hello' which made me so formal. And this was my third day, I think I that's some kind of record, I don't usually fit into social situations and here I am trying out for the soccer team with a friend, brother to not just another friend, a brother to Dean and Dean was different. Even though I had to treat him as if he weren't I tell you its killing me already.

"You confident?" he asked me, I suppose I was I played before but nothing is certain.

"Just gonna do my best. Do you think you'll get in?" before Sam could answer the door swung open and a boy came into the changing room. I felt like I should recognise him but I couldn't quite place the face.

"Hello Castiel." I nodded to the boy but didn't greet him back I didn't know who he was. "You think you have a shot at getting onto my team?"

"Sorry but who are you?" I asked trying to keep my cool.

"Eric, the one you insulted in the showers yesterday." I held back my smirk when I realised he was the guy that found my heart tattoo on my right ass cheek.

"Ah yes. The one that was looking at my ass." I couldn't help myself he was just to flush about it.

"What!" he shouted maybe it wasn't the best idea. He was really not happy about my answer he grabbed my t-shirt and pushed me against the locker as he shouted in my face. "I was not! It's not my fault you're painted up like a whore." Just as I shoved him back and knocked in backwards over the bench, the coach came and blew his whistle very loudly.

"Alright that's enough!" he shouted at me and Eric, he pulled Eric up. "you okay?

"Yes coach" he answered whilst still death glaring me, not being one to back down I did the same.

"Eric go home, you have no need to be here." Coach Pullman told the boy, who soon turned and left. He then turned to me, for a moment I thought I was going to get shouted at or not be allowed to try out since he came in to fine Eric in the floor but luckily I was wrong. "You alright boy?" I nodded and he turned to address every in the locker room, he blew his whistle one more time before giving instruction. "I want all of you on the field in two minutes!" he shouted before going out to the field.

"You alright?" Sam asked as I returned I nodded and we got changed in silence. I didn't miss him looking in awe at my ink. As we were walking to the field he finally asked what I knew he was dying to ask. "Do you really have a tattoo on your ass?"

"Yeah. A heart." We both walked onto the field laughing.

We wished each other luck just before the whistle was blown and we had to do sit ups, press up, ball dribbling, penalty shots, laps and then a game. I really shouldn't have started smoking it did have an effect, though I still did better then a lot of the others. I only chanced a few glances at Dean in the stands, he wasn't lying Sam was good. He played in goal and I was very thankful that we were on the same team otherwise I may not have scored as many if at all.

At the end he called out the names of people that made it onto the team, my heart was beating so loudly in my chest I felt it pulse through my body.

I cannot tell you the relief I felt when my name was called and how happy I was when Sam name was also. We even gave each other a side one armed manly hug.

We walked back to the locker room and shower and changed as we chatted about the try out, about the team and soccer in general.

"You're coming around today aren't you?" He asked as we grabbed our bags and headed for the door.

"Yeah, Dean invited me. I hope that's okay." I forgot it was Sam house to, what if he didn't want be there.

"Why wouldn't it be? Anyway I'm going to go meet him, tell him in the good news. Then I have to go to my locker but we'll meet you in the car park? Then you could follow us home?"

"Okay, sounds good." I smiled and he started to walk in the opposite direction.

"Alright see you in a bit." He waved and went of to find his brother.

"Bye." I mumbled not sure if he heard it or not. I walked to my car with a smile, buzzing in excitement. The sun was still out so I put on my sunglasses as I walked.

When I got to my car, I lent on my baby and I didn't waste any time before I had a cigarette. Before I knew it I had company, a familiar looking cheerleader was standing in front of me.

"Hey." She told me with what sounding like forced and slightly patronising kindness.

"Hello." I greeted her

"I hear you're on the soccer team." Yes I was, yes I fucking was I thought and I was so proud of myself, but I didn't know how she knew, it has only just happened. News really does travel fast in a small town high school.

"That's what there saying." I told her a little distantly as I smoked, I didn't really want to talk to her. I have also seen her around on campus; she was very popular and very mean. She also seemed to always get what she wanted. She disserved to be taken down a peg or two.

"So it's Friday night my parents are away, there's a party at mine and you better be there." I was despite myself a little excited to be invited to a popular kid party. I was never invited in LA. I was never really seen as cool; then again this is a small town. It was a choice between Meg's party and hanging out with Dean. I knew my choice.

"Can't, got things to do." I told her as I took another drag, her face fell to the floor, I doubt anyone has ever said no to her in her life.

"What?"

"I have a previous engagement." I told her as I flicked the butt of the fag onto the floor, I pushed of the car to stand and ending up a lot closer to her so I spoke near her ear, deep from the smoking. "Another time." She smiled at me a little before I she walked back to her minions and I got into my car. I know what I was doing could be seen as flirting bit I knew that girl make my life very hard, very hard. So I wanted to keep her sweet.

Thankfully just then Dean and Sam went past on the bike so I pulled out of my space and followed.

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	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you so much for the reviews really puts a smile on my face :D - see lol xx**

**sorry if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes, i did check, and re check and re re check but there is still probably some in there.**

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><p>I followed the boys down a few streets until they came to a stop; I was only driving for a few minutes, literally about a fifteen minute walk. But I suppose if you can drive why not really, better than walking anyway.<p>

The house was around the same size as my new house, maybe even a bit smaller but not by much.

I got out of my car and made my way to Sam and Dean that were getting off the bike. We started to make our way towards the house and I could tell instantly it was a home, a real one. There were net curtains and curtains in the windows with ornaments and flowers on the windowsill. The front garden was well kept and flowers grew around the porch and the steps, there was a swinging bench on the porch and a scaled down ornament Dalmatian, along with a few pairs of dirty wellies near the outside of the door. What was surprising was the toddler shoes and patchwork blanket on the swinging bench and the little plastic driveable digger on the front lawn. I didn't know Dean had more then one sibling, maybe his mom babysat. I loved that I had so many questions about Dean's life and they were all about to be answered and I was tingling with anticipation.

"Well done for getting on the team." He beamed at me, he actually sounded proud of me, made me smile.

"Thanks."

"You okay?" Dean asked as we went up the steps of the porch together with Sam lagging behind.

"Your house, it's really nice."

"Not really, but thanks." He joked as he fiddled with his keys and opened the door.

I followed him in and it was just what I wanted my house to be. The walls were clean and painted in light airy colours and Family photos on them. It was tidy but messy enough for it to look lived in and warm, there was the smell of vanilla in the air from one of those plug in air fresheners and the smell of cookies cooking in the kitchen, seriously it was slightly freaky. Like the house just jumped out of stepford wives or something.

Dean must have seen well something in my face because he decided to explain.

"When someone comes round, Nikki goes crazy, cleans the house and bakes. Don't ask. Think it has something to do with wanting to be liked or some shit. But on the plus side we get awesome cookies."

"Nikki?" I asked confused and intrigued.

"She's our step mum. I know I should call her mom she did bring us up but I still remember mom, feels weird. But she understands. She's awesome though." He explained as I followed him into the light clean living room.

"Oh I see. What happened to your mom? If you don't mind me asking." I asked as I watched Dean pick up a few books from the floor and put them back on the side table to joins the others.

"Car crash." He informed me with his back to me, car sad and croaky I instantly felt bad for asking, but I felt worse for me, I know how bad that sounds. All I could do was think about Chris and how he and Dean's mother shared the same fate, I could nearly hear the cars breaks, the screams and the hymns at the funeral. I could see my fathers face looking at me; he knows, he knows as well as me that Jimmy's death was and is on my head.

"I see." I told him with the sound of my mother crying in my ears. Dean sniffed and straightened, and turned with a big smile on his face, I was quickly starting to be able to tell which smiles were true and which fake.

"Anyway. Cookies?"

"Yes." I told him as I followed him to the kitchen, I could tell how much it hurt him and I despite the loss I have experienced I had no idea how to comfort him. I wasn't the best at physical contact, despite from the obvious, intimate physical contact I'm at a loss. I walked slightly behind him and whispered in his ear as he reached the kitchen. "I'm sorry about your mum." That was all I could think to offer as comfort.

"Thanks." He told me with a fond smile so I think it worked a little, at least it showed I cared.

We walked into the kitchen and there was a middle aged women with red curls from what I could see when I entered the room she was plump, not fat not skinny. She was curvy, in the good way and I have to admit rather attractive. She looked up when she heard us; Nikki's smile was warm as he looked to us. She placed a baking tray on cookies on the counter; her brown eyes were lit up by her very charming smile.

"Hi Dean," she greeted him who nodded back, and then she leant across the counter slightly and shouted in the direction of the stairs "Hey Sam!"

"Hi mom." He shouted back, I guess Sam was too young to remember his mum like Dean, and then Nikki turned to me.

"And hello, you must be Castiel." He looked to me and her smiled didn't fade or lesson it was nice, welcoming.

"It's good to meet you ma'am." Both Dean and Nikki snorted with laughter at that.

"Now sweetie two things; one enough of 'ma'am' call me Nikki and two, how many cookies do you want." I laughed slightly she was indeed lovely.

"Told you she's awesome." Dean whispered into my ear.

"Thank you Nikki." I told her as she handed me a cookie.

"Hey, hey there my princess." I turned around at the sound of Dean's strange words; he was addressing a little girl. She must have been around three and greeted Dean in the cutest way with the cutest little voice, before giving him a hug. He picked up a little girl from the living room and carried her to the kitchen. That explained the child toys and clothes outside I thought as I watched Dean gaze lovingly at her as he placed odd kissed around her face making the little girl squeal.

"How's she been today Nick?" Dean asked as he pressed a hand against the little girl's forehead.

"Still a little poorly I'm afraid pet." Nikki told Dean, his face instantly turned to worry, my stomach jolted seeing such concern in his face, he was so caring. "She's got an appointment. Not to worry though."

"Aw you poor baby." Dean baby talked to the little girl how pulled his ear and giggled to herself, before coughing a little. "Oh, Castiel. This is Annie." Dean introduced me and I didn't know what to do or say. I was really no good with kids I had zero experience.

"Hello Annie." I greeted her like an adult and I felt like a twat in doing so. I caught Dean's eye and saw his face, though he was smiling at me, not mocking me. I could get used to this house.

"Cassy!" Annie screamed as she retched out for me, was this normal? Had I done something wrong?

"Do you want to hold her?" Dean asked and I could feel my face fall a little and my blood ran cold. Was he fucking serious! I would probably drop her on her head, I don't want to kill the little girl on my first visit, no I didn't want to kill her at all, no I couldn't hold her no, no, no.

"Erm, no. sorry I am not good with children." I told Dean as I held my hands up in surrender and stepped back a little.

"You sure? She's a little doll."

"I'm a good girl." Annie insisted but I just couldn't so I shook my head. Thankfully Dean saw the panic that I must have had in my eyes so nodded and put the child down and gave her a stuffed toy of a frog, she screeched as he took it and ran back into the living room both Nikki and Dean laughed a little as they watched her go.

"Don't sweat it Cas. Kids are daunting but you'll get used to it. You'll be holding her before long, promise." I smiled as he elbowed me gently but I wasn't so sure, children kind of freaked me out a little. Maybe because I have never been around them, they were really scary and foreign to me.

"So what will you two be doing then?" Nikki asked as she handed me and Dean another cookie each. I looked to Dean at that question, I assumed he was going to draw me a little but other than that I wondered the same. Besides the question was really for Dean not me.

"Dunno, probably just hang out, then I'm going to take Cas for a ride on the bike." My heart fluttered, I forgot about that, and I was so touched that Dean remembered and so excited that I will get to have a go, it's been simply too long since I have.

"Oh be careful, you know I don't like you and Sam on that thing. Castiel have you had any experience on a bike at all? And does your mother know?" I was happy that she cared but saddened a little at the mention of my mother, not too much though you get used to it through the years, but what hurt the most was that this women I have known for all of ten minutes has shown more concern of my welfare more that my father has in years.

"I have ridden them before and my father doesn't care." I spoke coldly and I was aware at how bad it sounded and how awkward I had made the room. Thank fuck for Dean.

"I'm going to do some drawing too, I found my model." He told Nikki as he elbowed me a little, causing Nikki to smile even wider and even hug Dean she was that excited.

"Finally it's about time you did. Okay then, have fun you two. And take more cookies. Dinner's at six." He told us as he made her way into the living room and picked up a baby bad thing as well as Annie.

"Thank you Nikki." I told her.

"Yeah thanks." Dean said too.

"You're very welcome boys. Now I'm going to take little Annie to the paediatrician for her cough." She then turned her attentions to the little girl in her arms, it was now I realised little Annie and Dean, shared the same eyes, beautiful dark green, mysterious as if they held the key to life and answers to its questions, stupid I know but I could and would love to get lost in Dean's eyes, completely. "Don't you aye." Nikki said to the little girl as he came back to the kitchen to get her bag and keys as she spoke. "Right I'll be back in about two hours. I'm popping into the grocery store in the way back."

"Okay bye." Dean told her, he then gave Annie a kiss on the forehead and blew a raspberry on her neck, causing Annie to erupt into fits of giggles. "Bye, bye Annie. Love you."

"Sam, do you want to come to the paediatrician and the grocery store with me and Annie?" Nikki shouted up the stairs and waited for an answer.

"Yeah. Wait a minute." He called back.

After a minutes Nikki, Annie and Sam were gone and as far as I knew Dean and I were alone in the house, I hated how nervous that made me, I hate the now certainty I had in my head of Dean's straightness because of some other thought that was now plaguing my mind. Annie, what did Dean mean about kids were daunting? Whose child was she?

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	19. Chapter 19

**yay told ya itll be up tonight XD**

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><p>Dean and I stood side my side in the kitchen in silence for a moment or two before Dean curiously burst out into a heavenly little laugh, making me smile as I watched him. He soon came back down from his high, and turned and grabbed and cookie for him and threw one to me, I thanked god I managed to catch it. Strange how easy it seemed for him to lighten the mood so quickly.<p>

"Sorry about her Cas. She can be a bit over protective." He said as he hopped onto one of the bar stools, he was also spitting out crumbs a little, usually I found it rude but weirdly I found it cute and endearing.

"She's lovely. You're lucky you got a second chance to have a mom." I told him and I lent opposite him, stretched across the counter a little so I was closer to Dean.

"Yeah I know. I love her and I feel bad that I call her Nikki but I don't feel comfortable calling her mom."

"That's fair enough. I understand." I told him truly, if my father remarried the thought of calling her mom does seem a little disrespectful.

"You want a drink?" he chipped in as he jumped off the stool.

"Yes please."

"Okay we have." Dean scanned the counter top under the cupboards and opened the fridge "Tea, coffee, milk, blackcurrant squash and orange juice."

"Orange juice is fine thank you." He nodded and poured two glassed of juice and we drank in silence for a minute. I couldn't get my mind of Annie, and I knew I had to ask. I didn't want too I didn't want to offend him or anything. But if my suspicions were true then it would mean the end to my very vivid and far fetched fantasy. Though that's probably a good thing. "Annie's sweet."

"Yeah she's my little sweetie pie." He told me with a fond smile as he took his and my empty glasses to the sink. I had to ask, I would be kicking myself later if I didn't and it was a good a time as any.

"She yours?" I asked a little shakily, Dean spun around from the sink, features painted in anger, I immediately regretted asking.

"Is that what you think of me? No! She's not mine, she's my little sister." He told me as he walked closer. I wasn't necessarily scared but I was worried that we would decide it would just be easier not to be my friend. Plus he was a little intimidating.

"I'm sorry I-" I stuttered out, I didn't have time to feel relief. But I couldn't finish my badly put together apology because Dean burst out into laughter; I stood and watched him, completely confused. All I could think was 'what the fuck?'

"God you're so easy." He told me and clapped my back, he strangely kept his hand on my shoulder, and the contact was glorious. "Its cool, I guess it may come across that way I do father her a lot. Dads away a lot and she's just too cute not to." He shrugged as he explained it did seem obvious, and I was so relieved that he wasn't offended.

"I understand that. She is lovely." I told him with complete honesty making the boy before me smile.

"Wanna watch a film?" Dean asked as he fetched two cans of coke for us.

"Yes please."

"Before we do, I have one question that has our whole friendship on the line. Which one salt or sweet." He asked as he held up two bags of popcorn. Coke, popcorn, film and Dean, I loved that plan. But I was nervous I didn't want to pick the wrong one, I mean I liked both and by the sounds of it Dean like just the one type, oh god these types of trivial decisions shouldn't be so hard!

"Either one." I settled on and hoped that would be a satisfactory answer.

"No, no answer." He repeated as he thrust the bags closer to me.

"Erm sweet I guess."

"Ah, thank god you didn't say salt." He told me as he over dramatically sighed and wiped fake sweat from his forehead making me smile I was glad I picked right. "Though even if you did, I suppose I would forgive you." He told me with a wink, making me blush a little. "Come on." He told me as he opened the bag and poured it into a bowl and I followed him into the living room.

I went to the sofa but Dean just stood in the middle of the room. "Don't you wanna come to my room?" oh god fuck yes I wanted to go into your room, into your bed I thought. Fuck no I cannot think that! I decided then that I had to stay away from his bed, and being so close to him, that would spell trouble.

"Yeah, yeah okay." I answered with a smile and I followed him up the stairs.

I studied each family photo as I went past. At the bottom of the stairs, there fore the first photo was of the men in the family; Dean his brother and his father, then was the girls; Nikki and Annie, then Nikki and all the children- it was a good way of making her feel like part of the family I thought.

Then there was Dean's father two wedding photos, one with Nikki and one with what must have been Dean' mom, good of Nikki to allow it really I wouldn't like it if I were in her position.

There were Dean and Sam' school photos. Photos of Dean and Sam growing up. One of Dean, Sam and Annie and the one at the top of the stairs was a recent photo of all five of them. Dean's father looked quite rugged with tattoos, muscle and a beard. A manly man if such a thing exists. The photo was casual they were at a wood having a picnic they seemed a picture perfect family; it was nice though at the same time hard to see as I thought about my two person family.

I followed Dean into the second door on the left of the stairs. The room was covered in car posters, rock stars and to my heart break topless girls. Fuck, I did say I was attracted to unattainable men, well now Dean was unattainable, even more then he was already, not only did it hurt but it made me want him even more, I know messed up right.

I dragged my eyes away from the posters to see the rest of his room, it was a fair size not as big as mine but wasn't cramped, he only had a single bed, that wasn't made. I couldn't see his desk due to all the papers his DVD rack was basically empty as they were all over the floor.

His TV was turned on with the words 'game over' on the screen. I guess he was playing a consol before school. I was impressed I ever have time for anything like that in the morning.

Takes me an hour just to get dressed and do my hair. Maybe that wasn't such a good thing I thought. I thought then that I should make more of an effort to be straight because I'm really not doing mush of a job so far. That was bits and bobs over the floor, mostly clothes but it still felt welcoming and warm and I felt comfortable there.

"Take a seat, make yourself at home." Dean told me and he rummaged around on the floor for a film. "Sorry about the mess." He added.

"Mines worse, half of my things are in boxes the other half is on the floor." I told him and he laughed in return. I sat on the chair to his desk; well I did after I placed his washed and ironed clothes on the floor so I could sit down.

"Is alien alright?" he asked with his back to me after checking to see if the disk was inside the box.

"Yeah, I haven't seen it so it should be good." Dean darted around at that mouth open.

"Seriously. Where have you been?" he joked, I knew it was a joke but I also knew where I have been whilst he has been watching films. He turned his Xbox off and put the disk in before sitting on his bed Indian style. He had the remote in one hand, coke in the other and the bowl of popcorn between his legs. "The chair really? I know I don't have a double bed but your welcome on it, might be a bit of a squeeze but it's gotta be more comfy that the chair."

I know I told myself to keep a distance and not to get onto the bed but come on I wasn't about to turn down an invitation from this guy. Besides he's straight so what other kind of invite will I get from him. So I nodded and sat on the bed next him and watched the film.

I enjoyed the film it was rather good, we watched in basically silence but it was a comfortable kind not an awkward I don't know what to say kind. It was still a little tense being so close and it made reaching for popcorn a new experience.

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	20. Chapter 20

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><p>We were silently watching the credits to the film roll down the screen when the sound of the front door bang shut filled the room and my ears.<p>

"Boys, we're home!" Nikki shouted from downstairs.

Suddenly I became really aware of the fact that me and Dean had sunk closer together on his bed he was even resting his head on my shoulder slightly. I was sitting up right like normal Dean on the other hand slouched so he fit perfectly. The only thing better would be to wrap my arm around him. Though of course I can not do that, in fact that I really shouldn't be this close. I became rigid and stiff Dean noticed and he sat up and looked at me confusion set deep in his face.

"What's up?" he asked as he knelt on the bed and looked at me as I stood in middle of the room, feeling and no doubt looking very uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"Nothing, I just. Erm, what's the time?" I asked just for something to say, not that I cared I just had to say something to break the seemingly awkward silence I had created. Dean looked over to his alarm clock, as he eyed me closely.

"Five thirty. Are you okay?" I regretted freaking out so much but what else could I do, Dean was straight and I well I have a stupid and unrecipucated crush on this boy, who by the way I have known for four days and I have only been at school with him for three, why do things have to get so complicated so damn quick.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied and came up with the lamest excuse ever. "Just, just thirsty. You want a drink?" I asked as my voice went high pitched and stupid.

"Sure, let's go downstairs." Dean said slowly as he carefully squinted at me, as if he was daring me to tell the truth. When he saw that I wasn't giving in, I had that stare from my father many a time. He got of the bed, picked up the bowl that once contained popcorn and shrugged as he relaxed his face and smiled. "I wanna see Annie anyway."

"Okay." I followed him out of the room and we walked side by side down the stairs.

"Are you going to draw me today?" I asked and I have to admit I was rather excited about that.

"You're very eager aren't you?" he smirked and gave me a sideways glance.

"Sorry."

"It's cool; I need a kick up the ass some times. Good job you're here." He told me and I opened my mouth to say some thing, but my brain hadn't kicked in yet so I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to say. Thankfully Dean didn't notice and Nikki had caught his eye. He wondered into the living room and sat down next to her on the sofa.

"Heya Nikki." She looked up form her book and smiled at her stepson. "Where's Annie?" he asked as he scanned the room and found no sign of the little girl.

"Sam took her to the park." She told him as she put her book down so she could engage Dean completely, I couldn't help but compare this to my father. I stood at the bottom of the stair not really knowing what I should do, do I leave them to it go into the room, I was uncomfortable and to nervous to speak. I wasn't really used to social interaction.

"What did the doctor say?" he sounded a little worried, it was lovely to see such a caring brother. I like to think that I would have been one, but of course I will never know.

"He said there's nothing to worry about, he gave me some infant cough syrup, should be all gone in a few days." I watched Dean untense at the news.

"That's good then." He sighed and looked around and saw me. "Castiel we won't bite, get your ass in here." I nodded and smiled as I entered the room. Dean pattered the sofa to the side of him so I took it as an invite and sat next to him.

"So what have you two been doing Castiel?" Nikki asked she was trying to involve me, she was sweet.

"Watching-"

"Homework." Dean interrupted quickly, "We were doing homework."

"Dean. You know you have to do your homework first, it's important." Nikki's expression hardened.

"Sorry Nikki, it was my fault I had never seen Alien so I asked if we could watch it." I told the room, I didn't want Dean getting in trouble, and I felt that I owed him some loyalty considering what he did for me the other day in the lunch hall.

"Oh well I guess I could let you guys off, just this once." She smiled and stood and faced both of us, now in complete mum mode. "But I wont have you two slaking, Castiel do have any homework to do?" I shook my head and she continued. "Alright then, by time we sit down for dinner, which will now be at seven. I expect some wonderful artwork done of our lovely guest."

Dean nodded and I followed him out of the room, Nikki smiled and shook her head and went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I followed Dean to the dinning room It was spacious, there were French doors that lead to the conservatory and then onto the garden, it was airy and open.

"You didn't have to do that you know." Dean told me and he picked up his folder and art box and checked his pencils.

"I know."

"Thanks." He huffed out before turned and holding my shoulders making me sit in the chair he decided had the best light. "Right, I need you to sit still." He told me as he got his sketched pad out and sat in front of me. "I'm going to do a few two minute sketches, a few five minutes ones, then I'll try one without looking at my paper, I only look at you." I dry swallowed that that line, he only sees me, oh how I wish that were, no I will not finish that sentence, no, no, no I cant I'm straight. Straight, straight, straight I can't forget that, especially around Dean. "Sound good?"

"Yes." I told him but I didn't really hear the last thing he said.

We sat in silence and when Dean was done with his first two minute sketch and was changing paper, he spoke.

"So what were you and queen bitch talking about?"

"Who?"

"Meg. Head cheerleader, thinks she's perfect and rules the school, completely up herself and opens her legs to say hello and-"

"Yes, I know who you mean." I told him, I decided to stop him as by his tone he could probably go on all day. I could she Meg's face in my mind; she really did look like all those unpleasant things Dean said about her.

"So what did you talk about?" he pushed as he started another sketch.

"She invited me to some party tonight." I told him and shrugged, Dean on the other hand didn't take the information so lightly.

"Come again." He stopped drawing and asked.

"Some party at her house."

"Are you going?" he asked in a hurry.

"No." I told him as if it was the easiest and most obvious question to answer.

"You're kidding right?" Dean asked as he began another drawing.

"No, I told her I was busy." I said as I took a sip of coke Dean was still drawing but his face was confused.

"What why?" he seemed really confused he couldn't seem to understand why I would say no even though he had just described her as 'queen bitch' among other things earlier.

"I already had plans with you." I told him, and I swear I saw a small pink tint to wash over his features. Dean seemed to need clarification.

"You would rather be with me, then at the biggest party of the year?"

"Yes, every time." I assured him, I was wondering why he wasn't going but I didn't want to offend him.

"Why?" this was going to be embarrassing I thought as I took a deep and began to explain as clear as possible.

"I have no reason to choose her over you. You showed me loyalty and stuck up for me when you had no reason to, I won't forget that."

"Wow. I would have gone to the party." He told me with a straight face, I felt a little hurt there, before he cracked up as he changed paper to start after sketch. "I'm just kidding I wouldn't stand you up." Dean seemed embarrassed by his words, he froze and stared down at the table, it was a joke I knew it was but it didn't stop by stomach from tightening. "You wanted a drink didn't you; I'll get you a can." Dean hurried out before quickly catching my eye and smiling before hurrying to the kitchen.

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><p><strong>Please review :D xx<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**thanks you for your reviews! :D **

**I may not be able to update for a while xx**

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><p>I had had the song dynamite in my head all day, so I tapped the rhythm of the song with my fingers on the table top, as I Waited for him to return.<p>

I couldn't help think how adorable Dean was when he was flustered, but why was he flustered? I thought as he came back into the room and hand me a can and had one for him self.

"Thanks." I told him, who smiled back as he opened his coke. We sat in silence for a bit as we drank.

"Look down. Stay still." He commanded and started to draw again. "So, you like it here? The town and that." He was really trying to make convocation, it was sweet.

"Haven't seen much of it really, I suppose what I've seen is good." I lied, it wasn't a bad town, just not very eventful and kind of like a clone of every other small town in America, not like LA.

"It's a shit hole. As soon as I graduate I'm gone." He told me with absolute certainty.

"Are you going to college?"

"Na, Sam is more the college type. Wants to be lawyer, can you believe it." I guess I could see that, but Dean could go to college, he wasn't stupid.

"So what will you do?" I asked and he shrugged as he continued to draw. I was a little worried at how little he planned this out; I didn't want to see Dean working at the 'circle K' or a garage all his life. That would such a waste of a life filled with so much potential. "Have you ever thought of art school?"

"Wouldn't get into somewhere like that." Dean laughed; he seemed to think it genuinely funny that I would suggest it.

"Dean, you have a god given talent." I told him quite harshly, he needed to get it into his head and start believing it. Dean looked at me and he sighed as he looked at this previous sketches.

"I guess I can see its good and all, but I can see so much that's bad." I reached out and placed a hand on his, grabbing his attention instantly.

"Nothings bad." I told him and he smiled him return. Our eyes met and I knew I should remove my hand but I couldn't, I didn't want too, besides- Dean wasn't removing his either, that kind of mind fucked me.

"Thanks." He croaked out, before clearing his throat and removing his hand away. He pointed a finger at me and instructed me. "Still." I was a little taken back by his casualness and change, but hey it made it less awkward, so I played along even though it killed me. I rolled my eyes in a jokey, over the top way.

"Yes sir."

"Shut it." He smirked and continued to draw. He did so in silence for a while until finally I got to hear his voice again.

"So you gonna tell me something about you or do you like this mysterious image you seem you have at school already."

"That wasn't intentional." I told him in all honesty, I hadn't banked on thugs making me defend my-self openly so soon, or people actually looking at me and noticing me. People in LA seemed to ignore me and joke about me, even my friends. I was the Tom of the group, so that's probably why I make such an effort with him.

"Okay so tell me something." He pushed me to open up to him.

"I don't like broccoli."

"Who does, but tell me something that matters. Something that matters to you" that made me nervous, oh there was so many things, I decided to go for the less tragic and personal stuff and keep it light, not wanting to freak my new friend out.

"Erm. I can play guitar, the piano and the saxophone."

"Wow, I can just about do chopsticks on the keyboard."

"Well that is a hard one. Okay something about you." I said desperate to learn a little more about him.

"I hate eggs." He joked; I wanted to learn more, something real so I used his own words against him.

"Dean; 'tell me something that matters. Something that matters to you.'" I told him, and Dean glared at me for a moment before speaking through a smirk.

"Fuck you," he joked. Then his face got serious. "Erm. I know that Jo likes me. I haven't the heart to tell her I don't feel the same. I know that makes me a bad person but I wasn't lying that night we met. I do see her as a sister and I just want her happy." he told me though he couldn't look me in the eye, I guess he must have really felt bad, I did feel for him but I couldn't for get Jo's face the day we meet would Dean told me she was like his sister, it was heartbreaking, it just wasn't fair. I knew exactly how she felt and I couldn't stop myself feeling a little annoyed at him.

"You think she's happy dreaming of you when deep down she knows she can't have you but clings on to some thread of hope she's wrong?"

"I know." He mumbled as he stared at his drawing, I knew I sounded harsher then I wanted, guilty immediately filled my entirely body.

"Sorry. It's not my place. I understand what you're saying; I don't think I could do it either." He looked at me and smiled as did I. we did seem to bicker a lot considering last week I didn't even know he existed, and I hated how sad that made me.

"Look to the left." He softly told me, I did and he stared another drawing. "So err, what have you seen of town then?" he asked after a minute of silent drawing.

"Erm, my house, and my room especially, the circle k and some grocery store and school obviously." So I haven't seen anything I thought, I knew nothing of my new town. That had to change; I mean I was living here for the next year at least, well hopefully. So I decided to explore the town tomorrow, at least it would get me out of the house.

"That's it?" Dean asked like he couldn't believe it, I nodded and he shock his head as he laughed slightly. "Well you've seen pretty much everything, but not all of it."

"I was thinking of exploring tomorrow." I told him, as a hint an open invitation to join me, to spend time with me away from school and homework, just me and him. I loved the idea; if I didn't know he was straight I would be nervous at the thought. I mean ii still was but I knew there was no way he felt the same so I knew I couldn't do anything, I knew that he would sooner go out with Jo then me. so I could concentrate on getting over my stupid crush.

"You want a guide?" yes! I thought god yes! Thank god he picked up on my not so subtle hints.

"Yeah, that would be very kind of you." I told him, trying not to beam as much as I was inside.

"It's alright, sounds like fun. Oh fuck. Saturday I'm looking after Annie."

"She could come too. You know if you don't mind." I rushed outside, I was desperate for Dean to come and I really didn't mind Annie coming, I would prefer it actually. Means things have to stay pg.

"That would be awesome." He told me with a smile, and I simply couldn't not smile back, I was really excited.

"Okay, I could pick you up?" considering his bike wouldn't do three of us and defiantly not a toddler.

"Sounds good. Around 2?"

"Sure." I told him before I drank he last little bit of coke at the bottom of the can. Dean hit my hand lightly to get my attention.

"Stay still, how any times." We both laughed and he pulled out a larger piece of paper and looked at me. "Right now, I can't look at the paper only at you." He told me and gulped. After getting his pencil ready and settled it in a good starting point he looking at me.

He scatted over my features, his gaze gave me tingles. His eyes slowly dragged across my skin and they stopped, I think they rested on my lips. I can't be sure I think its just wishful thinking.

"Err Dean?" I asked as I looked down at the paper. I spoke quietly as a lump had formed in my throat under his gaze.

"Yeah." He answered as his heavy lidded eyes slowly lifted to my eyes. I cleared my throat so I could speak.

"You're not drawing anything." He looked down and cleared his throat and looked as if he wouldn't allow himself to blush but he did look a little uncomfortable.

"Oh, yeah just err, focusing." He told me before placed the pencil back onto the paper. "I'm doing it now." He opened his mouth before I interrupted him, he didn't have to say it.

"I know; stay still." He concentrated heavily, though seemed careful not to catch my eye.

"Done." He told me when he had finished and looked down and burst into laughter., "Oh god! It's like I'm four." I looked down too and it was pretty bad but that's the point I guessed.

"We have a Picasso." I joked making Dean snort a little.

"Can you believe I was actually _trying_?" He told me before starting to pack up all his drawings.

"I think that's kind of the point." I told him, he agreed but it didn't make him like the picture anymore. He placed the drawings into his folder and spoke to me as he did so.

"Yeah, I'm just doing these small ones to get the marks for prep. That and practice don't want to mess up my final piece with your ugly mug." I laughed and couldn't help but flirt just a little, though it sounded like I was continuing the joke so at least it wasn't awkward.

"Thought it was angelic." I reminded him with a sideways smile.

"That was my pitch." He told me as he lightly hit my arm and I went to hit him back but the little fuck caught my wrist and stopped me. I used my other hand to gently catch the side of his face.

Dean's face turned dark as a smirk quickly spread across his face.

He pulled my wrist and somehow manoeuvred me to the ground. He ended up straddling me, all I have to say is thank fuck for my will power because if I didn't posses it, I would have either popped a boner or kissed him, probably both. We were both laughing as I struggled beneath him, and it felt so good. He looked down at me as if saying 'just try it.' I stopped struggled and just looked at him, I could feel his grip on my wrists waver a little as he looked down at me and our laughter stopped.

"Do you give up?" he asked slowly in a low tone I haven't heard him speak before.

There was no denying it, Dean was my guilty pleasure and I know that I did surrender everything to him, whatever he needed me to be I would be, supporter, joker, model friend. Though sadly I knew that was the most it would be, it seemed enough for now, just to be near him, so I nodded as I kept his gaze.

"Yes, I surrender to you."

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><p><strong>please, please review :') <strong>

**not going to lye but that last line made me awe . lol xx**


	22. Chapter 22

The rest of the night went by quickly and seemed to go by in a bit of a blur but at the same time I can vividly remember every detail. Sam brought Annie back from the park, and Dean climbed off me when they did and acted like nothing had happened, well I guess nothing had, for Dean.

Nikki called us in for dinner, it was lasagne, and might I add absolutely gorgeous. We ate in the dining room like me and dad only here they were actually talking and looking at each other. Dean helped Annie with her food I don't know much about children but no one seemed to worried that she got more food around her mouth then in it. so I guess that was normal. At any rate we ended up in the presence of a very messy toddler.

After dinner Dean picked Annie up and told me that he was going to lean her up, Sam had other plans he took Annie off of him and told his brother not to be a bad host. Nikki then told me and Dean to go into the living room and watch TV whilst she cleared up. I didn't like leaving the washing up for someone else, but who was I to argue so I followed Dean into the living room.

We channel served, couldn't decide on a programme we both agreed on or could be bothered to watch. Soon Annie came half running and half crawling in the room. Sam went upstairs to do homework so Dean put a children channel on he and I played with Annie as we talked can't even remember what it was about but we hardly stopped, the convocation seemed to flow, it just seemed easy. I was becoming more comfortable with the little child but was still nervous.

Annie was obviously tired, so me, Dean and Annie sat on the sofa. It made me smile when she climbed onto my lap cuddled up to me. We stayed that way for a few minutes. Annie soon started to fall asleep against me; I couldn't stop myself from stroking her hair. Nikki joined us after a little while and told us it was gone Annie's bed time. So she gently picked her daughter up and put her to bed and once again me and Dean were left alone.

My relaxed mood was turned on its head when I realised how close we were sitting. We decided it was too late to go on his bike, so we'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow, I was to spend a whole day with him.

We decided to watch toy story- because we're just that awesome, plus it was the film that happened to already be in the DVD player.

We chatted about stupid things during the film and simply had a laugh. As the film was nearing to an end my phone alarm started to beep.

"I have to go." I told Dean, whose eyes shot up at the news and looked up at me.

"What? But, the film. At least stay till the end." He held my arm and pulled back down to the sofa, and I cannot tell you how much I wanted to stay but I stood back up again.

"I can't. My dad is getting back soon."

"So. He doesn't know you're here?" Dean asked sounding a little disappointed, I felt like I should explain myself, well not completely.

"He gets funny about this sort of thing. Plus he was going to be out any way so there was no point." I begged that that would be enough it seemed to be as Dean leaned back against the back of the sofa as he said.

"Okay. So I'll see you tomorrow at two then." I smiled and nodded to him.

"Bye Dean." I said as I approached the door. "Can you thank Nikki for dinner please." Dean nodded.

"Cya dude." I nodded back and left the house and got into my car.

I very nearly got lost several times on the way back home. I had to try and remember the way back to school, then to mine whilst my mind was fully occupied on other things.

I showered before dad got back and thankfully he didn't suspect a thing. I came downstairs from my room three times that night, once for a drink, once for a drink and food and the third time was just before dad was going to go to bed- he usually went to bed at around one on Fridays.

"Dad, I'm going out tomorrow, going to explore the town a bit." I told him, more than likely he didn't care but there was an off chance he was tell me I couldn't and I really didn't wanted that to happen.

"Hmmm." Dad hummed out as an answer, and I went back to my room quickly before he changed his mind. I Held off my smile and little dance until I was in my room with the door closed.

I barely slept that night running everything over in my head. After well over an hour of Dean thinking. My thoughts landed on his family and I realised how much I was lying and deceiving my dad, how little he knows about me. I'm now on the soccer team again, I love soccer and I finally get to play again but I knew dad wouldn't be at any of my games because he can never know that I play. I'm hiding Dean from him, I'm hiding me from him, my whole life, everything I am and who I was.

Dad saw what he wanted it see and not what was right in front of his face. I still have hope that one day he would change but after so many years and after what he has put me though, making me go to the institution I have lost faith in that hope. I guess it's the same blind desperate hope he has that one day I would change and be the son he wanted. It was that thought that lulled me into a restless, dreamless sleep; the thought that I knew what my dad had hope for, what he was waiting for. He was waiting for the day Jimmy will live again though me and Castiel disappears forever.


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry I have taken sooooo long to update, my laptop fucked up and went away for over month! :( but its back now and so am I lol :P**

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><p>I woke the next morning feeling more tired then I went to sleep, worst nights sleep ever. Then again when I remembered my plans for the day I perked right up and was ready for the day. I just decided to make sure that I pick up an energy drink in town, should do the trick.<p>

My dad was in the shower when I crawled out of my bed at half nine so I decided to get breakfast first. My stomach was screaming at me for food anyway.

Sausage, egg and French toast with lashings of ketchup and a glass of smooth cold orange juice; the best breakfast god ever created. I never had time to make it on weekday mornings, so it remained my Saturday treat.

I made coffee to greet my dad when he got out of the shower and came down to read the morning paper.

After hopping into the shower it took me as long as always to decide what I wanted to wear.

At eleven I looked in the mirror wearing my black biker style boots, faded dark blue jeans my baggiest I had I thought I would dress appropriate since Annie would be coming along, but I was in the mood for my white t-shirt so I could talk myself out of that, and that was tight and of course my two essentials long chained cross and leather jacket. Then I had to start with my hair and my hair has a mind of its own, seriously it's a nightmare. I don't usually style it much partly because it wont and partly because I kind of like my sex hair.

I left my room at twelve with slightly neater hair, a packet of cigarettes and my light in one pocket, my keys in another and wallet in my jeans and a stomach full of butterflies.

My dad was in the living room and I immediately wished I had stayed in my room.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked from behind the paper.

"I'm going to explore the town, I told you last night. Remember?" there was an awful silence, I just wanted to walk out but I couldn't, though I was terrified he would question me further.

"Oh yes." He said, not moving his paper. "Will you be back for dinner?"

"Yes. I'll make spaghetti and meatballs, for around sevenish?" I told him, though really I wanted to say; 'no, I'll be out late with a friend don't wait up.' Though I would, could never say such a thing, I would get too many questions for starters.

"Very well." He mumbled, I nodded and kept my cool though he couldn't see me due to the news paper I didn't want to give anything away. "Have a good day." I heard his grumble as I opened the door; I smiled at the slither of interest he showed in me.

"Thank you." I answered before leaving.

I drove around the block a few times before it was time to go to Dean's, music up and windows open so I could have cigarette. Since a toddler was going to be in the car I didn't want it stinking of smoke. I had one left in my packet, and was in desperate need to buy some more, thank god I waited tables in la so I had my own money and for the first time I was glad that I never went out because it meant I had saved nearly all of my wages from the past three years of part time work so I didn't have to ask my dad for money.

I pulled up outside of the house at five to two, I didn't suppose that five minutes really mattered.

I knocked on the door and before I lowered my arm the door swung open and Dean was standing there Annie in his arms and smile on his face. His speed to answer the door took me back a little, was he waiting for me?

"Cassie!" Annie screamed when she saw me and wriggled in Dean's arms as she reached out to me.

"Hey Cas. Seems you have a fan." Dean told me. He knew I wasn't comfortable holding her so he put her down and she was instantly around my ankles. I laughed as I watched; she was so cute and so trusting.

We walked to the car, Dean carrying carry a car seat and what he descried as the baby pack over his shoulder and as I started to walk, Annie hopped off my leg and held my hand as she skipped to the car.

"Are children usually this trusting and friendly?" I asked it seemed a little strange, but that just might be because I have learnt not to trust people, I guess children haven't learnt that life lesson yet.

"Some are, strange Annie's not really one for strangers. She must like you." I smiled as I looked from Annie to Dean who as looking at me with his own smile gracing is features.

"Thanks." Dean silently attached the car seat for Annie and I watched, Annie on the other hand strangely decided it would be a good idea to go onto the front lawn and spin around in circles. Dean straightened and stood by my side when he finished as he watched the laughed little girl for a moment for two.

"They say that children have a kind of sixth sense about being, can tell what some ones like, if that makes sense." He told me as he scooped her up and farsoned her in.

"I am going to take that as a compliment." I listened are carefully, he thought I was a good person, that made me smile, once we were both getting into the car I answered.

"You should." He told me as we did our belts. I was about to turn the key when I realised I had no idea which way to go.

"So where are we going?" I asked looking to Dean for answers.

"That's up to Annie, I promised her first pick, if she agreed to come along." I smiled and nodded before looking to the back of the car to see her strapped up in her little pink car seat.

"Okay, where are we going then Annie."

"Park!" he screeched as she clapped her hands.

"Okay." She was buzzing with excitement, I guess I could understand I remember loving the park, I used to love the swings, I remember thinking if I could swing high enough I could fly, then after Jimmy the swings were the only thing I would go on, being a stupid kid I believed that if I got high enough for long enough I could reach heaven, stupid I know.

I think my mom knew, either way she was worried about me, I stopped going to the park and was placed in Sunday school instead, they thought it was for the best. I know what you're thinking Sunday school in LA? But trust me it does exist.

I turned the key and stopped, I looked to Dean with the sound of my baby our and the toddler laughing. "Where's the park?" he laughed and pointed to the road.

"Straight ahead." I set of and we travelled in comfortable silence. "Turn right." I did so and before I knew it the park was in front of me. "Voila." Dean joked as he got out of the car to assist his sister.

"Yay!" Annie was jumping in her seat. By the time I got out and around to Dean he was lifting the little girl out of the car.

"There you go missy. Hold my hand." He told her before she could run off. Oh how I wish he said that to me.

"Does she need that bag or anything?"

"No, its fine. Come on you." We walked in silence to an empty bench facing the play area. He let go of Annie's hand and she jetting of towards the climbing frame. "Stay in sight!" he shouted after her as we sat down.

"Okay!" she shouted back and she continued to run. We watched her play for a few minutes, until I turned my gaze to Dean, the look of pride on his face was very warming.

"How is she? You said she had a cough." I asked, grabbing his attention.

"Better thanks. Thank you for asking." We shared smiles before I turned back to Annie, though I could feel Dean's gaze burying into the side of my head. "I have so many questions about you Castiel."

"Really?" I asked as I caught his gaze again, my stomach dropped when those damn eyes sparkled from the sun and captivated me entirely.

"Yeah, you're a complete mystery. You come into school just some quite, new kid. And within a couple of days you're seen as a mysterious rebel. You're on the sports team and are getting invited to the popular party's. You can turn ninja, you drive an awesome car, you're covered in tattoos, you smoke and you're from LA." Have to admit it sounded rather impressive when said like that, though none of it was intentional, at the moment the only person I care about liking me was Dean and I seemed to have succeeded there so the rest was unimportant. "So many questions." He repeated. I was excited top be asked them but also terrified I really didn't want to lye but some parts of my life I will have too and I hated that.

"I have many for you as well." I told him in all honesty, so many questions I wanted to know everything about him and more.

"Well then, looks like we'll be getting to know each other."

"Sounds good to me." I told him and I couldn't for the live of my stop smiling. Dean looked away from me and back to Annie.

"I was right." He told me though he still didn't look at me, I guess Annie's safety was more important than I eye contact I understood that, but I still looked to him, eye clues to his skin kissed skin.

"About what?" I asked, it made me feel a little stupid I felt like I should know what he meant, was he talking as I stared at him and just didn't hear, because that does seem very likely.

"You should smile more." I didn't expect that, I swear he blushed a little but I couldn't be sure as the sun was in my eyes, either way I know I did. I opened my mouth to reply though god know what I was going to say, thank god Dean took this moment to call after Annie, that had decided to climb the climbing fame backwards. "Annie, be careful!" he then looked to me "What?"

"Nothing, it's just cute, how you worry about her." I told him, he would make a really good dad when he grows up and falls in love with a girl, my heart broke a little there.

We got talking I couldn't really remember what about. Though I did find out that Dean's favourite colour is black, his dad taught him how to fix a car, planes freak him out and he has never left the state. In return I told him that I didn't have a favourite colour or food or animal, just what ever I liked that day, I longed to travel and am quite a good surfer, though there's not much call for that here in Kansas. I don't remember anything else but I am sure we talked about more. I needed to know more, I needed to know everything.

We faded into silence for a while, enjoying each others company as we sat together on the bench and watched Annie laugh and play the innocence and freedom of youth shone brightly through her, I wish I was like that when I was younger.

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><p><strong>The next chapter will be up soon :D<strong>

**please review**


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you for your reviews, means alot. Enjoy the next chapter! :D**

**sorry if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes, :) xx**

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><p>"Ice cream?" Dean asked out of the blue.<p>

"Huh?" I asked a little confused for a second, "Oh, yeah. I'll get them." I told him before standing. Dean had other plans he grabbed my wrist and pulled my back down onto the bench, a little closer to him as well might I add and my body felt it, it went hot and leg tingly from where my thigh grazed his.

"Sit down, there on me." He told me through a smile as he winked at me. He turned to walk towards the little wooden hut that did ice creams, drinks etc.

"At least let me pay half." I told him as I stood again. I realised that he was buying me something, I loved that idea but I knew that it would only lead me deeper into my infatuation, I couldn't allow that.

"Sit." He told me, he pushed me down slightly hand on my shoulder yet his thumb, his thumb grazed the side of my neck slightly and as soon as I felt the warm of his touch fill me I new I would do anything he asked of me. He came in so close to me I could smell him, (trust me I know how creepy that sounds but he smelt so good.) he pointed a finger in my face, I had to fight the urge to suck it as he smirked at he and mockingly threatened me. "If you move I'll kick your ass." He seemed to think about his threat for a split second before correcting himself "Well I'll try." We exchanged smiles before he turned and walked off. I watched him walk for a minute, the slight movements of his hips, his fucking perfect ass enhance by this beautifully snug fitting jeans. "Cas!" He called and I was snapped out of my trance, he must have known I was staring how could he have missed that? I was so dead. "Flake?" Or maybe not. I nodded and he turned back around to sort it out as I let out a sigh of relief.

Before I could get to shamefully mentally undressing my straight friend, little Annie came run towards me.

"Cassie! I found this for you." He told me with a huge toothy grin on her face as he thrust her hand towards me and held a rock out to me, it was in the shape of a star, a obscure abstract star but a star nonetheless.

"Thank you Annie." I told her as I took it from her, I was very touched.

"Can you pick me up now?" she asked and my eyes sharply went from the stone to her as I felt the blood drain from my face. "Sorry if I scareded you. I'm a good girl."

"I know." I told her as it got up, there was nothing to be scare of surely, it was just a little girl, it was only Annie I could handle it, I hoped.

"Yay! Up, up, up." She screeched cheerfully as I held under her arms, I held my breath and lifted her up, she rested comfortably in my arms, she rested on my hip as she beamed up at me.

"Hello you." I greeted her when we faced each other, the little girl giggled as she grabbed at my nose.

"See you're a natural." Dean told me as he approached with three ice creams in his hand. Which made Annie very fidgety, I put her down and she started jumping trying to grab one from Dean's hands.

"Yummy, yummy, yummy, me, me, me yay!" she kept squealing with a smile wide across her face as her eyes were alive and excited, she skipped ice-cream in hand, around the bench we were at a few times before settling down.

We sat on the bench and eat in silence, it had been years since I had a 99 even longer since someone brought one for me. we sat in comfortable silence as the sun beat at our backs and we hastily eat our melting ice creams. Dean and I finished before Annie, though hands very sticky. Annie gave the rest of her ice cream to Dean when she had her filled who didn't waste anytime in eating it. I glanced down at the little girl who was very, very messy. I couldn't help notice how this seemed to be a regular occurrence for her.

"Do children always make such a mess." I asked slightly worried, though I felt a little stupid when Dean laughed a little.

"Yes Cas. There are wipes in the car." He told me as he started to get up, he already brought the ice creams the least I could do was clean up the mess.

"I'll get them." I told him as I got up and placed a hand on his chest as softy pushed him back down, my breath hitched in my throat, our eyes locked and we got so close before he sat back down with a half sided smile.

"Cassie, take me!" Annie shouted through a huge ice cream covered smile, I looked to Dean for permission, he was smiling and nodded before I turned back to Annie with a smile of my own.

"Alright then." I told her as I picked her up, giggling as I did. As I carrying her to the car I tried to avoid her smothering me with sticky ice cream whilst I listened to her excitedly talk around the she saw. When we got to my car, Annie did not like the idea of being put down, so I held her in one arm as I opened the car door and fetched the wipes, I cleaned her messy face and hands as she giggled and wriggled.

"Well, well, well. Hello freak." A familiar voice said from behind me, it wasn't a pleasant voice so unfortunately I had a good idea of who it was. I turned and I was right, our eyes looked and a horrible smirk appeared across his face.

"Adam." I said as my way of greeting him, we kept eye contact so much that I barely notice Annie starting to wriggle even more in my arms.

"Addey!" she screamed through her huge goofy smile, grabbing both mine and Adams attention immediately.

"Annie?" Adam asked as his eyes widened like he couldn't believe she was with me, I couldn't believe he knew her, I didn't understand at all, but before I could question this his eyes shot up, there was angry and unless I am very much mistake fear as well. "What are you doing with her?"

"How do you know her?" I ordered an answer from him as I turned the child away from him slightly, I didn't like him, I didn't trust him and there was no way he was getting his hands on her. He started to take a step forward when from behind me Dean came and stood in front of me.

"Back off Adam." He growled, I felt so relieved I wasn't on my own and a little tingly that he seemed to stand up for me.

"Dean, nice to see you. Just taking patch out for a walk." He told Dean, strange thing that the name patch made Dean's shoulders untense and he kneeled to greet the large chocolate Labrador at his side that until now I hadn't notice. Patch's tail started to wag as Dean stroked him, my stomach tightened as I realised they knew each other.

"Hello boy." Dean told the dog before standing back up and resuming his defensive pose like before. "What do you want Adam?"

"Saw freak boy over here, and I wanted to teach him a lesson for getting us suspended. But I suppose for little Annie's sake it can wait. I'll see you boys at school on Monday." Adam stepped forward and never broke my eye contract, after he shrugged before leaving,

"Looking forward to it." I growled after him, he was such a twat.

"Oh me too." He told me as he turned and winked at me with those evil looking eyes, I know I shouldn't be but I was a little intimidated. "Bye Annie." He told the little girl in a much nicer voice Annie waved and Adam was gone. We stood in silence for a few painfully long seconds before Dean turned around and gave me a quick smile before putting the wipes back into the bag.

"What was that about?" I asked as I watched him rummage through the bag, I couldn't help think that it was something to do so he didn't have to look at me.

"Just Adam being a jerk." I didn't want to let it go, I had to know.

"No I mean, how did he know Annie? How did you know his dog?" he stood and looked at me, he could tell I wasn't backing down so after sighing to told me.

"Adam was like my brother once. We used to be good friends. Then he fell in with Lucifer, and I refused to join, then he turned into a jerk." I was left frozen as I processed the information and Dean looked to me for some sort of reaction. Dean took Annie into his arms and it was the feel of his skin against mine that snapped me back and aloud me to answer him.

"So I'm like his replacement?" I knew it was cruel to say but it was how I felt, I expected the pain to appear in Dean's eyes horrible or not I was pleased to get such a reaction, it meant he felt how bad I did, I didn't wanted to be anyone's second prize.

"What? No. that's not it. We all loose and gain friends Cas. I'm just lucky I managed to gain you as a friend. You're no ones replacement." I felt relaxed and smiled at his answer, some how we ended up laughing, Annie started to wriggle until Dean put her down and she started running around us with limitless energy.

"Sorry." I told him after the light laughter simmered down. Dean held up his hand to try to stop me answering.

"Castiel you don't need to say your sorry." All I could do was majorly grin at that, it was what I wanted to hear and I did, my heart fluttered all through my body. "All done here sweetie?" he asked Annie as she ran into his leg and hugged his ankle. Annie nodded and started to laugh, Dean laughed too and picked her up and put her into her car seat. Dean and I sat in the front I was just about to ask where we were heading when he turned to me. "Fancy going to the park?" what the fuck I thought as I looked back and fourth to the park ahead of me and Dean's face.

"We're at the park." I stated completely confused, when Dean heard my words the tips pf his lips curled slightly as he explained.

"I mean the better park, my park. Hardly anyone goes there. It's my favourite part of town." I smiled as I heard Dean explain himself, I was thrilled I hear that he was willing to share this place with me, it sounded special to him and I was going to be apart of it.

"Sure." I didn't want to sound too excited even though I was.

"Go ahead, then straight over the roundabout, then turn left." He instructed before I set off. We sat in silence for a little bit. Annie was watching the scenery zoom past too fast for her eyes, and I think I could felt Dean's eyes on me. "How long have you been playing soccer?" he asked, random question but I loved that he was making convocation, I glanced over to him quickly, catching sight of those eyes before continuing.

"Most of my life. Me and Jimmy were in a little league together, he was so much better than me. Then after he, I didn't play for a long time, I started again when I was fourteen." I didn't really wanted to expand much more, but I knew he would and I knew I would tell Dean anything if he asked.

"Why did you start at 14?"

"It was when my mom died. Needed something to busy myself with. So I played most days, got good at it." I said with I shrug trying to brush of the fact that it still hurts.

"I'm sorry." He told me and I was aware that I made the car slightly awkward.

"Yeah."

"So it's just you and your dad?" why did Dean care I thought, but yeah it was and hated that it was so.

"Yeah, it was me, dad and my uncle, you know the one I told you about. The one with the junk yard, but he crashed fell into a coma and slipped away in his sleep. And my dad is never really around, not really. So it's just me I guess."

"Fuck Cas. I'm so sorry." Dean told me as he clasped my shoulder with his left hand, it felt really good. Not just because it was Dean but to have such a simple form of human contact as comfort, it was then I realised how much I missed it. The little things, hugs, hand holding, jossing around with friends, anything, made me realise how lonely I was.

"It's okay. I'm not alone anymore," I answers with a small smile, as I looked to him and he took back his hand, I really wasn't alone. "I have you. And the others at school." I wanted to tell him just how much I wanted him to stay with me, how much I needed him

"You'll always have me, and the others." He told me and I felt like crying, of course I didn't, but I did beam like a twat.

"Thanks." We sat in silence for a bit, listening to Annie sing twinkle, twinkle little star. "So what's your sport? I'm guessing it's not soccer."

"Am I that bad?" he asked acting hurt and puppy dogy, so cute.

"No but if it was your sport you would have tried out for the team." Dean nodded, excepting my reasoning, "Well?" I pushed wanted to know more.

"Tennis, I like tennis." I didn't expect that, football, baseball, soccer, any of those but tennis was a nice surprise. Confirmed my suspicions there was more to him than he let on. Besides the tough of Dean in short shorts running around getting sweaty, made my mouth dry. "Right here." Dean snapped me out of my what I can only describe as a sexual trance and he pointed to a dirt road to the left.

"Is this really a park?" I asked a we drove up the dirt road to no where.

"Sort of. Up this road." I followed his instruction and we came to a little clearing for what I guess was to park cars so I did. Dean was smiling but it still didn't look like a park. "Tarda."

"It's a wood." I stated as I watched him get out the car and followed suit.

"Oh contra," Dean told me as he pick Annie up and throw her bag over his shoulder, and have his little sister a kiss on her nose, who got a giggle in return, "come on." He told me and turned to walk up the clearing.

"Cassie!" Annie screamed and wriggled to get free. As soon as Dean placed her on the floor she ran to me and demanded me to carry her.

"Is it okay?" I checked with Dean, I kinda wished he refused to let me, I was still a little nervous around her.

"Course. You don't have to ask." Annie 'yay'ed at that, we walked up the path. "How did you find this place? It seems well hidden."

"Just came across it when I went on a ride one day." We came to a clearing and I was left speechless, there was a grassy opening, river running through the left side of it, on the edge of a small cliff. It was like something from a film, it was perfect. "Well, what do you think?"

"It's, beautiful." I told him as I put Annie on the floor. It was peaceful, the sound of the river and the birds, beautiful. Dean sat down and looked around the surroundings like it was the first time he was there.

"Sometimes I come here at night, I lye on the grass, looking at the stars as the owls, well they kinda squawk really don't they. And I can hear the water, its very relaxing. It's my own special place, away from the world" I sat with him, close but not too close that he would be uncomfortable though god knows it would never be close enough. We sat in silence for a while, I laid down and stared at the clouds passing by, taking in the sounds Dean had mentioned. Annie was running around us singing or something, it was cute, and Dean now it is probably very wishful thinking but I could have sworn he was staring at me.

"Can we share it? I think I've just found my favourite part of town." I spoke to the sky, I didn't want to look over and see he wasn't looking at me; I wanted to keep the obsessive dream alive a little longer, besides the thought of it made me a little tingly.

"Sure." He told me, he voice sounded soft and a little husky. I looked over and he was looking at me, face graced with a soft smile, the sun kissing his skin, beautiful. We kept eye contact as I sat up slightly leaning on my elbows and fore arms. We were still looking into each others eyes, I couldn't believe it when Dean's eyes dragged down my body and up again, that I defiantly didn't dream that was real. I sat up and slowly got a little closer to him by leaning on my hand.

"Juice please!" Annie shouted, breaking our eye gazing, which I will be forever thankful for, if it went on any longer, I know I would have kissed him. I sat up properly and crossed by legs as I watch the siblings interact.

"Alright." Dean laughed as he fished out a fruit shoot from the bag open it and gave it to the little girl, in exchange for a kiss on the cheek. Annie took the juice and she came towards me and sat on my lap, I couldn't help myself as I kissed her on top of her head, she was so cute. I looked to Dean he was looking at us, looking slightly surprised.

"What?"

"She's never this clingy, with anyone; she usually hugs you, gets a bit of attention then run of to do her own thing." He told me, and then turned to Annie. "Do you like Castiel Annie?" she nodded as he suckled the top of the little bottle. "Why?"

"Angel." He told her brother. He were both taken back at that, couldn't help but think what was with this family and seeing an angel in me.

"You think he's an angel?" Dean asked, a little amused but he didn't mock.

"Cassie. Castiel is angel. Angels are the nicest, kinds and prettiest things on the world. Deserves extra love." She informed her brother, I felt very touched at her words.

"He sure is." He told her, my eyes shot up to look at him, why was he encouraging this? But then I supposed you don't destroy a toddlers believes, I mean you would never tell a kid there was no Santa. "What you told me about angel's sweetie; I can assure you that Castiel is defiantly an angel."

"Yay." He screamed, as our eyes met again and I felt my stomach churned, as I thought about what Annie said about angels; 'nicest, kindest and prettiest things on the world.' Dean thought that about me, I broke our eye contact this time, I knew I couldn't look at him for long, or I would pull him towards me and kiss him, those soft lips on mine. No I couldn't think that. At that point I excused myself to smoke the last cigarette I had and tried to forget how I felt when our eyes meet.

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><p><strong>Please, please review :) xx<strong>


	25. Chapter 25

**thank soooo much for your reviews! each one made me smile loads and made me write this chapter instead of doing my assignment ;) so keep 'em coming lol xx**

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**Im in a good mood :D ive had ten cups of verrrry strong coffee today just so i didnt fall asleep at my desk and so i was able to do at least a little reading/note taking of my uni assingment lol xxx**

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><p>We sat on the grass until around four; when Annie started yawning we decided to get her home. We left her with Sam and me and Dean went to town.<p>

I picked up cigarettes and lent against my car as I smoked one of them, Dean stood opposite me and watched.

"Why do you smoke?" he asked, I couldn't tell him why I couldn't tell him where I started either. So I simply shrugged and tried a general answer.

"Why not?" I told him as I exhaled.

"Well, the price, cancer, makes you smell of smoke."

"Okay, okay." I told him with a smile, holding my hand up to stop him. "I smoke because I'm addicted and well I like it."

"Fair enough." After I took a few more drags Dean asked something I didn't think he would. "Can I try it?" I didn't really want to hand the cigarette over, he shouldn't smoke. But who was I to tell him what to do. So I handed it over. He took a drag and almost instantly started coughing, he looked a little embarrassed.

"Don't worry happens to us all." I told him through the small laugh I tried to keep hidden. "But no, don't start."

"Okay." He assured me as he handed it back. I thought about it for a moment and I had to ask, but I didn't want to make a big thing of it, but I was interested.

"Do I really smell that bad?"

"No." he blurted out before continuing, and well rambling really. "You don't usually smell of smoke, really you don't. You smell good, real good." Dean stopped and looked a little flushed, he seemed to look around a little before speaking again. I simply watched it was adorable. "You hungry?"

"Yeah but I can't." I told him as I shook my head, I would love to get food and eat with Dean, I really would. Besides his eyes lit up when he mentioned food so I guessed he was hungry.

"Come on, my treat." He tried to persuade me into it.

"I would love too, believe me I would, but I have dinner at seven and my dad wont like it if I don't eat."

"Can't you just tell him you wont be back for dinner?" sounded easy doesn't it? If I tried that my dad would screw, he would accuse me of god knows what. At this moment I really did seem worth it to spend more time with Dean. Then again in the long term I would end up spending more time with this stunning, fucking gorgeous guy if I kept my father happy.

"Little hard considering I cook it." I joked, I hated saying no to him.

"Okay, do you mind if I get something. I'm starving."

"Not at all." I told him and he jogged across the road after giving me a wink that made my stomach knot. He came back holding a pie and plastic Spork. He stood less than metre from me. Gathered pie and whipped cream onto the spork and slowly put it in his mouth, and he didn't forget the pornographic moan, whether on purpose or not i still can't tell. God I swear I wanted to spin him around and pin him on my car. If I didn't have self control I would have popped a boner, well I did a little.

"Oh my good that's so good." He told him staring me straight in the eye, a lump formed in my throat and I knew it would be near impossible to speak. Dean took a few small steps towards, until we were almost chest to chest. "try it." He almost whispered. Dean fed me a piece of his pie. The moment seemed to last forever, our eyes locked.

"Wow." I said under my breath after I finish my mouthful. I couldn't believe we were so close.

"You like?" he asked speaking a little high pitched as he stepped away a few steps, I didn't like the new distance between us.

"That is truly disgusting." I told him, though it wasn't the answer he was looking for, but I really hated cherries.

"Well pie thinks you're disgusting too." He argued like a child, turning the pie away from me slightly, I had to laugh at that, especially at the little pout he did.

"Okay, I think you're a little too attached to that pie." I told him as I got into the car and he did too, he simply smirked and gave me a wink.

"Do you not like any pie?" he pushed, I didn't understand why it was important but I answered hoping it would please him.

"I just don't like cherry. I love apple pie." a huge grin appeared on his face, I loved that I caused it. Even though it was over something as trivial as pie.

"Awesome." I watched Dean finish his pie in silence I hoped he didn't think me creepy but he didn't say anything. When he had finish and put his rubbish in the bin he turned to me. "Come back to mine."

"Okay." I answered, now it was me with a huge smile, goofy huge, really. Though he didn't seem to mind in fact Dean smiled after my answer too. We drove back to Dean's, listening to Metalica on some radio station I had never heard of before Dean turn it on and pumped up the volume when I turned the key. We travelled in comfortable silence. I was desperately trying not to stare at Dean the entire way back to his, generally I succeeded but I did manage to sneak in a few side glances. Dean told me to park in the drive, and we entered the house and were greeted instantly by the smiling face of Nikki.

"Well you two really gave Annie a good time." He stood us and gave Dean a hug.

"Thanks Nikki." Dean replied as he gave his step-mom as hug.

"She kept ranting and raving over you Castiel." Huh? I thought, why?

"Me."

"Yeah, she's taken quite a shine to you." I never thought of myself as a child person, in fact babies tend to freak me out, they always seem to stare a me, like they hate me or something.

"Thank you." I told her out of shock, she smiled in response, I liked her.

"You staying for dinner love?" god I wanted too, really I did.

"Erm, no thank you, got to get back soon."

"Okay. Dinner at seven Dean."

"Thanks Nikki." Dean told his step-mother before she went into the garden.

"See you're a natural." Dean told me as he put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me towards him slightly. "Freeze." He suddenly said, I was very confused at this point.

"Excuse me." I asked as Dean turned from me and picked up his camera.

"I need to picture that. Do that face again." He instructed, I thought about for a second I think a smiled with half my mouth as I looked at the floor, but I wasn't too sure and didn't really know how to do it with the same emotion or whatever, but I may have over thought that moment.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Don't worry. But I'm in the mood now." My whole bleeding body flushed as a hundred thoughts and a thousand images flashed through my head, not one was appropriate for the straight boy I _am_.

"Excuse me." I asked I was very aware I was red and was holding my breath.

"To draw." Dean affirmed, thankful he didn't do any of the thoughts as I wouldn't be able to control my self, but was still ever so slightly disappointed, okay very disappointed. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all." And I really didn't, having Dean stare at me gave me goosebumps, plus it gave me the opportunity to stare at him without looking like a creep. We sat there for around ten minutes in silence, the concentration on Dean's face kept me entertained, it was adorable. What made it better was that we kept catching each others eye and when we did he smiled at me. God I love that smile.

"You doing anything tomorrow?" Dean asked and broke the pleasant light silence that had enveloped us.

"Not really, just church." I told him hoping maybe we could see each other again, though my dad is even more strict about my whereabouts on Sundays.

"You go to church?" Dean looked at me and asked, he sounded a little sceptical, I must have sounded like a geek or something.

"Oh yeah." I nervously answered.

"Me too." He told me and my heart fluttered a little, "I'll see you there."

"Looks that way." I told him with a smile trying my best not to seem excited about it. A moment later Dean stopped sketching and put pencil down.

"Hey, I just thought. Enough of this, you wanted to ride my bike right?" I didn't want to mention it in case he had changed his mind about letting me ride it but I was looking forward to having a go on it, so when he mentioned it I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"Yeah."

"Cool come on." Dean said as he jumped up and dragged me out the front door by my hand, yes he was holding my hand, my heart was in my mouth, I was so distracted by this glorious contact between us I didn't even notice him picking up his helmet on the table near the front door.

Dean let go of my hand when we got to the curb at the front of the house, and therefore his bike. I hated the suddenly cold feeling it gave me. Instead soft warn electric skin pressed against mine there was the breeze blowing air onto my hand giving me a slightly sensation of pins and needles from the sudden change in temperature, I didn't like it. He made up for it by taking it upon himself to gently put the helmet on me himself, getting oh so very close, all I could do was stare at his lips.

He gave me the keys and wished me luck. I got onto the bike and so many memories flooded back to me. I really did miss my uncle, but he has been gone long enough for me to remember him and the good times without crying or it being too painful to think of him, which was good. I liked to think of him he made me feel normal, and loved.

I knew that apparently you never forget how to read a bike, I just hope the saying extends to motor bikes, well I was soon going to find out.

I road the bike up and down the street a few times, it was awesome, and I didn't crash which is a definite plus. I loved every second it. I stopped the bike where it was parked before, got off and took the helmet off, I just knew my hair was crazy even more obviously sex hair then before.

"How was it?" Dean asked, it was sweet he seemed to be excited for me.

"Brilliant." I huffed out, I was out of breath the adrenaline I got from that was crazy.

"That's it. That smile I want for my picture. I love your smile." he told me, and we sank into silence and when I looked at him I found he was already looking at me.

He retched up and ran his hand down the top of my head to my cheek, I think he was trying to flatten my hair, but as soon as he touched me, my heavy breathing basically stopped dead and my breath held in my lungs. I didn't even realise that I only started to breathe again when he had removed his hand. Thankful for my health the moment was over as quickly as it began, though at the time it seemed to go in slow motion and I could hear my heart beat in my ears. Though I wished it lasted longer, and it meant something else other than I needed a comb, at least I think that's what that was the motive behind it; intimate touching and gestures like that eluded me, it wasn't something I wasn't accustomed too, though if it gave me that feeling every time I was more than willing to learn.

I looked at the ground and gave him back his helmet and shuffled away from him slightly, needing for the sake of our friendship and my straightness to get a little distance from the boy I was getting very turned on by.

I caught Dean's eye again he looked a little hurt and a little confused through it was clear he was trying to hide both emotions, he opened his mouth to speak when the sound of loud music, not unlike the music Dean put on the radio earlier, cut through the scene.

I noticed that as soon as Dean heard the music he move at way from me a little, I followed his eyes to a car that was driving up the road.

"Who's that?" I asked, I knew from Dean's reaction he knew the person driving.

"My dad." He told me and suddenly I became anxious to be there, my mouth went dry and heart beat doubled in pace.

"Nice car." I commented wanting to change the subject. I wasn't sure of the make but I was a beautiful black classic car.

"It's awesome isn't it. I love that impala. He's been promising to give it to me when I graduate. Can't wait." He commented as Dean's dad got out of his car and came towards us.

"Why can't I park in my drive?" His voice was deep and I felt very small at that moment, first impressions- I didn't like him. But who was I to talk of first impressions, when I first meet people I'm a painfully shy awkward insignificant geek.

"Hi dad, sorry," Dean began, I knew enough about Dean to know that he would say it was his fault and take the blame even though it wasn't his fault, it was me that drove the car so I interrupted him.

"Sorry sir it's my fault, I'll move it." I told the man before turning planning on walking to my car fast, I kinda wanted to make my excuses to leave.

"Thank you." He told me, eyes soften a little. I guess he appreciated manners. "What's your name?" he asked, making me turn and answer him.

"Castiel."

"Good to meet you Castiel. I'm John" I took his lead and shook his hand in this very formal introduction. "But I think its time for you to go home, I would like to spend some time with my family." Fair enough I thought, Dean did tell me he worked away; I guess he hasn't seen his family in a while. Of course he should spend time with them, I was glad to see a dad that wanted too.

"Sure." I told him with a smile before, catching Dean's eye then turning and walking towards my car. Dean caught me up he seemed a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry Cas." There was nothing to be sorry for I thought, but I was touched he apologised anyway.

"No, no it's good he wants to spend time with you." I assured him with a smile, I was happy that he smiled back, that god damn smile will never get old.

"Castiel." Dean's father called, I turned having no idea what he was going to say. "Nice car." I smiled and nodded in thanks.

"You too." I replied, his car was awesome. I got into my car and after Dean and I said our goodbyes, I pulled out of the drive and went home, having a sneaky cigarette on the way.

I got home around six, which meant I had time to cook dinner in time for the pre-arranged time of seven. My father was in the same position as he was when I left, which I actually found rather impressive.

We said our hellos before I went into the kitchen, cooked dinner. We ate in silence before I retreated to my room, I did my history homework and watched some junk TV before going to bed, the events of the day still in the front of my mind. For the first time in a long time; I went to bed happy, with a smile on my face.

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	26. Chapter 26

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><p>I woke up the next morning bright and early. I was excited about church even though I had to wear a badly fitting suit, but that wasn't so bad I was eager about seeing the church and leaning a little about the vicar.<p>

Me and my father ate breakfast and drove to church together in silence, but it was the comfortable kind of silence my father even looked happy well content I suppose, he loved church found it very peaceful.

My father pulled into the car park and straight away my eyes were drawn to the familiar shiny black car and a lump hitched in my throat, Dean.

This wasn't good I thought this wasn't good at all. My dad can't see that we knew each other because I just know I will give something away. Plus Annie, this she's there if she sees me as will probably shout for me and there's no way to really explain that in a way that my dad would approve of.

We entered the church and I recognised the back of Dean's head straight away. He was sighting next to his dad, his whole family was there.

Dean was at the end and I really wanted to sit next to sit.

"Isn't that your friend? Call him over." I heard a familiar voice, I knew it was Dean's dad, I tried to ignore it but I looked up. I caught Dean's eye and he smiled. Shit, it thought. And I hurried of to the front with my head low, fortunately Annie didn't see me.

As the service began I chanced a quick glance over my shoulder, he looked both confused and hurt and was staring at his hands, obviously not paying attention to the service. He looked up and our eyes collided, though this time there wasn't so much a smile from him but a small stir of anger. That made me feel like shit.

I didn't want to look away but I knew I had no choice so tore myself away from his hypnotic gaze and faced the front again.

For the rest of the service I think I felt eye balls boring into the back of my head, though that could have well been wishful thinking.

At the end of the service my dad informed me to wait by the car whilst he has a word and meet the vicar, I was so both excited and terrified at the prospect of having a few free minutes to speak with Dean, that's if he I even saw him, he didn't ignore me and he wanted to even speak to me.

Turns out I did see him and his whole family.

"Oh heya love." Nikki greeted me as she strapped Annie into her car seat.

"Hello Nikki." I greeted her at I saw that same kind, care free smile.

"Cassie!" Annie shouted and reached up to me, I crouched by the open car door and greeted the excitable child.

"Hi there you." I told her with a smile, Annie's was bigger though.

"Hi." She answer as she reached and gently slapped my face, although of course that wasn't the intention.

"Did you have fun in church today?"

"I like the songs." I was looking at Annie when I heard his voice behind me.

"Cas?" that single word gave my stomach a sickly feeling and my mouth went bone dry, I had no idea what he was going to say or how he was going to be.

"Yeah." I answer as I got up and face him, he was so close again, why was he doing this to me! Not that Dean knew how hot I flushed when he was near me.

"How was it. Your first service here? Different to L.A I bet." I was so glad he didn't call me out on sitting so far away from him.

"Yeah. It was good thank you, at least my father seemed to enjoy it, and he's introducing himself to the vicar now." I told him and checked to door to make sure he wasn't already done.

"Yeah? you mind if I meet him?" he asked innocently enough, but I blurted out my answer before he barley finished.

"No." wow that sounded rude I thought, I could barely tell him why my father wouldn't appreciate an introduction so I had to make something up, quickly. "I mean, we're in a hurry, running late things to do, you know." I spoke so fast I barely understood what I was saying, I felt so shitty for lying to him, there were many things I wanted to do to him but deceiving him wasn't one of them.

"Thought you just had church today, you going to see if you wanted to make a study day with Chuck, and Becki." Fuck I thought. Thanks karma. "No biggy, it's cool." Dean shrugged like it didn't really matter, and I suppose it didn't really I mean we were going to see each other tomorrow, but it did matter to me, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, if the stiff shrug and disappointed look was anything to go by, I think Dean was more effect by the news than he let on, I hoped so.

"Sorry." I told him, and I really was. At that moment Dean's father walked up to me, and Dean stepped behind him, what was going on thought. I got very nervous very quickly.

"Castiel." He greeted me in that same deep gruff voice as yesterday.

"Hello sir."

"I have been informed that my behaviour yesterday was rude, I didn't intend to be. Just hours on the road, not much sleep and I really wanted to see my wife and kids." Thank surprised me, I quickly glanced at Dean who was leaning against the car, with a small smile on his face as he watch the scene. Dean told his dad off for me I thought, wow I won't even let Dean meet mine. I tried to put the thought of meeting the parents out my mine and I took John's hand and shook it.

"I understand sir."

"Thank you. You're welcome around anytime. You're good for Dean." I couldn't help but smile at that, I looked to Dean quickly and received a wink, oh god I thought. "You've made one hell of an impression." John stood me with a lighter voice even a slight chuckle as he spoke. "Good influence you; you've given him that kick up the arse he needed to finish his art project. He's even making time to study." I could see through the corner of my eye that Dean was started to fidget, I think he was embarrassed he seemed cute when he was embarrassed.

"Dad." He hissed, making John to laugh. I looked over he was a little red and looked to the ground as soon as our eyes met, cute.

"Now apparently I'm being embarrassing as well."

"You wouldn't be a dad if you didn't embarrass your children once in a while." I told him, he seemed a lot me relax and friendly today, I guess long travel does make you cranky.

"Indeed. Any time Castiel, you're always welcome." He placed a hand on my shoulder and felt so happy. Dean's family is like perfect, they were so warm and inviting. Like I was a lost little puppy that they look in just before the snow started to fall.

"Thank you sir." That feeling abruptly stopped when what I feared would happen, did.

"Castiel!" my dad shouted, making me jump ten foot into the air and take a few steps away from Dean and his family, I could still see the surprised looks on all of their faces.

"Dad." I greeted him as he stood next to me.

"What are you doing?" he stage whispered at me. I was starting to get annoyed I was only talking, wasn't like I was fucking in the car park, well not this time.

"Just speaking to," I started to explain when he held up his hand and I stopped talking immediately. He then grabbed my arm and dragged me to the car, not before glaring at both Dean and his dad. God I wished a hole would open up and swallow me. It was so embarrassed.

"We're at church for heavens sake! Come on, get in the car." He told me as he took me back to the car. I knew he was loud enough for his words to be heard by Dean; that just made me feel even more embarrassed. As I opened the door I managed to quickly look to Dean. His whole family was looking at me, all of them looking shocked and worried. I looked to Dean he didn't look so much shocked as angry. He stepped forward but John put his arm out to stop him. I gave Dean a quick flash of a smile before getting in the car.

I made sure I stared at my hands when we pulled out the car park, didn't want dad to think I couldn't take my eyes of them or something and get him even more pissed.

The drive home was once again silent, only this time it was anything but comfortable, I even considered tucking and rolling out of the car. Not that there would be any point I live with him would have to face him sooner or later. Strange though he didn't say anything on the way back, not even when we got home. Wasn't until I mumbled good night and made my way to the stairs did he actually say something.

"What happened today, I don't know what was going on and I don't want to know. I just expected more from you. After everything I thought you knew what was expected of you." There was so much I could say, but I didn't. I knew it was be no good, just a waste of perfectly good oxygen, I've just before. So instead I just silently went to bed. I was really looking forward to school tomorrow and getting out of this house. Best of all, not only did I have math, biology and art but my last period was free, and all of these things I shared with Dean. I was going to be a good day tomorrow.

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><p>As I had expected, the day was truly an awesome one, in homeroom Bella wasn't there though I did like her, I wasn't too cut up about it. It gave me time to think of Dean. I gave up fighting the urge to think of him, I had to, I know I can't do anything doesn't mean I can't think of him.<p>

Math consisted of what I have come to expect math to be, me and dean secretly throwing things at each other, dean also made it his mission to try and make me laugh, he succeeded and we got threaten with a seat change, I think Josh was turning out to be a bad influence on me. I liked it.

Art was amazing as usual; we also managed to have an actual convocation instead of assaulting each other with stationary. The convocation was going well until Dean brought up yesterday.

"So what's with your dad?" he asked as he sifted through the research he had printed out. I was still expanding on my ideas and made a point not to look at those god damn beautiful eyes because I would crack.

"He's erm, a little high strung."

"A little, dude you got your ass handed to you for talking to some one."

"I guess. He means well."

"How?"

"I think that convocation is best left for another time. After a craft of vodka."

"Sure thing dude." we sat in silence for a minute. "You looked good in that suit by the way, looked like a badass."

"I looked like a twat." i told him with a smile as i tried to to blushed, I looked up and locked into his gaze and with both smiled gently. "But thank you."

Biology, not my strongest or favourite lesson, but I did sit next to Dean and we were getting our project today, which gave me a perfect chance to work closely with him. I was aware that I sounded like a stalker, but I really didn't care at this point.

We got our assignment title, there were five different titles, four pairs did each question, ours was;_ 'the influence of biology in everyday life.' _It was an essay, though we should include experiment right up to prove points etc, if we were aiming for a high grade. Now I couldn't speak for JDean but I just wanted to pass I didn't really care what I got, but we had to do it anyway might as well do it well.

We spent the lesson half writing a general plan for our essay and half talking shit to each other, it was fun.

Lunch was good, I found that I was a lot more relaxed around them. I usually blend into the background in group convocations but these people kept pulling me in and involving me, it was strange at first but its awesome really made me feel welcome. Half way through lunch I glance around the room and caught sight of something I had forgotten. Lucifer and his minions, they were back. The strangest thing happened though, they gave me deathly looks sure but never once came up to me, they even walked past near the end and just stared, I kept there eye and when they left before me, I felt victory even though I didn't win any thing. I guess they really were as weak as I thought, running of the fear or toughness and violence not the actual fact of it.

It was only me and Dean that's shared an hour of before school, which I was very thankful for. Yeah made our way to the field, generally chatted and listened to Dean's music on his phone as I had a ciggerette and he took the time to sketch me. It was very peaceful, very easy.

The end of the day came around all too quickly, I was heading for my locker and dean to the caring lot, so we walked together for as long as possible.

"What's your number?" Dean asked out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"So I can text you." He cleared up, I wish I had replaced my phone now because Dean wanted the number with the plan to text made just made me, happy.

"Oh, I don't have a mobile." Deans eyes widened at that, I guess it did seem strange.

"Come again."

"My dad…it got broken during the move, have yet to replace it."

"Well when you do, which better be soon, text me your number. Here's mine." He gave he a piece of paper with a number scribbled across, I smiled as I read the number and put it in my pocket.

"Thanks." I told him. We walked in slence for a little but, until it came to the point that we were going our separate ways, I didn't like it.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Dean told me as he started to turn towards the car park.

"Yeah. Bye." I told him, I hope I hid my disappointed at us parting but I cant be sure.

That night was basically the same as all the others. Expect me and dad actually had a convocation, it was a little awkward and general small talk. I thought about when I was in bed that night and I was surprised to find myself happy that we had spoken.

Guess that goes to show, no matter what he does or says, all I want is for my dad to love me.

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><p><strong>Please review :D<strong>


	27. Chapter 27

**Wow thank you for the reviews! never had 200 before, I love you guys! :D**

**the next chapter is nearly finished so it should be up either tonight or tomorrow morning :P xxx ENJOY :D**

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><p>The next day at school was much the same and I was happy to see that I had fallen into a routine. It was lunch time and Dean and I decided on a working lunch to start our biology project, which meant I got to have him all to myself. We were both reading and taking notes in silence when Dean came out with something that completely threw me off.<p>

"You never talk about her."

"Who?" I asked looking up from my notes, to find Dean staring at his, I thought that maybe he was refusing to meet my eye.

"Your girlfriend. Well maybe your ex, the one you got that piercing with." Oh crap he was referring to the fake girlfriend I mentioned in the shower. In the shower, I was unable to think for a moment as I was distracting by the thought of Dean in the shower; I wouldn't be surprised if I drooled. The image was certainly appealing.

"Oh, yeah that's right. It erm didn't last." I mumbled as quickly as possible.

"Fair enough." I was so glad he left it at that, so glad.

"What about you? Any girl on the horizon?" I was very nervous asking but I had to know.

"Erm no, no girl." He told me flashing me a smile, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Me neither." We worked in silence or a minute or so before Dean spoke up again.

"Cas, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything." And he could ask me anything, not that I could answer everything 100% truthfully but I liked the thought of Dean being able to come and talk to me, made me feel like he needed me.

"Well…" he started, unfortunately he was interrupted but a familiar figure sitting on the table in front of me and greeted me.

"Hey there." It was meg, her top was revealing so much I could see her purple bra and her legs crossed so her short shirt showed off more leg.

"Hello." I told her but really I kinda just wanted her to leave, Dean was about to tell me something and that was ten times more interesting than this.

"You missed one hell of a party." She even started to run her hand through my hair, wow she hasn't really heard of personal space before than.

"I'll survive." I told her and then tried to get on with my reading pretty hard considering her was leaning on the book, at right the right angle that her tits were in my face, gross.

"I was wasted. Like screw anything wasted. Shame you missed it." She whispered that loudly at me, I guess it was supposed to turn me on.

"Wow." I heard from across the table, Dean was certainly not impressed, neither was I.

"Got something to say freak." She spat at him and I felt a spike of anger in the pit of my stomach at the way she spoke to him, though I held my tongue it was be strange me standing up for him over something so trivial.

"No, you're doing a good enough job of being a whore, I don't need to point it out for Cas; I mean the whole school can see it from here."

"Fuck you." She growled got up and walked off.

"No thank you." Dean spat back and got back to his notes. I looked to him then to her and I couldn't help feel a little sorry for the girl.

"That was a little harsh." I told him, his eyes shot up he didn't expect those words come out my mouth.

"You don't know what she's like." He warned me and I suppose that's true I didn't know her, but I couldn't help it. Being the victim for so many years I have developed a bleeding heart.

"She's still human and has feelings." I told him before getting.

"Barely." He snorted out. I could tell that Dean didn't expect me to actually get up and go over to her; he even called over to me. The sound of him calling for me actually gave me some butterflies. "Cas?"

I walked up to her, she was flicked through a book, I doubted she even knew what it was called, she was that uninterested in it.

"Are you okay?" I asked, trying to keep a reasonable distance between us.

"I'm fine." She told me and didn't look up from the book as she did.

"You sure?" I pushed; it was usually the bitcher girls that had a harder time trying to open up. Not that I wanted her to spill her life story but I didn't was to walk away and not be sure.

"Positive. Winchester is just being a dick; I handle what he throws at me." She told him with a strange softness to her voice. I caught her eye and she tensed, put the book back and light a switched flicked in her mind she was back to her normal slutty self. Draping herself over me and trying to tease me wit her eyes, it wasn't working. "Hey, get back to your work; don't want you failing classes to be your next reason not to come to one of my parties, because you are coming to the next one."

"I'm going to get on with work." I told her before hurriedly getting back to my seat. Dean's eyes followed me back to my seat.

"What was that about?"

"I was merely seeing if she was okay."

"Why?" he asked seemed completely shocked at my actions and oblivious to his.

"You could her a whore." I told him slowly.

"She is! Didn't you hear what she said to you?" true I thought. Okay it may have been my imagination had to be my imagination, but the way he shout ed about how she was speaking to me sounded a little like jealously. But no it couldn't be that. How I was it was though. "I'm sorry, it's just you don't know her, she's trouble. I'm just looking out for you okay." He finished in a lower voice, it made me smile at the thought that Dean has my back.

"Yeah, she is a little forward." I told him, making him laugh a little before we settled back into work mode. We worked for another twenty minutes before Dean spoke again.

"How much have you got?"

"Two pages, you?"

"A page and a picture or a parrot with a pirate of his shoulder." He told me and showed me his sketch.

"You're an idiot." I told him, then I looked at it. "Actually that's really good." We shared a little laugh before Dean continued.

"Were going to have to meet up after school to get this damn thing done." It was true. Though I wasn't going to protest at spending more time with him or seeing more of his family they are very nice people.

"Yeah."

"Do you mind if we meet at yours, at least this week, its just the folks are decorating the living room." I froze at that and body ran cold, fuck I thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck this can't be happening! I mean what am I supposed to say to that; 'You shouldn't come around because you're a guy, oh I'm secretly gay and my dad both hates me for it and refuses to believe it so if he meets you he with assume I like you and we're fucking, which I do like you and wish I had half a chance of fucking you, but no one is supposed to know that, you still want to come over?' Yeah that is just going to go down swell.

"Erm. Sure." I told him and I was fully aware that I was shaking.

"If you'd rather I didn't come round, I don't have too." He looked at little embarrassed and I hated it, it wasn't cute this time.

"No, its just I don't think my dad will like it." I admitted.

"Why? We will just be studying for a project our teacher put us together for."

"Yeah I guess. Okay tomorrow after school then?" I decided there was no going back now. Besides there's not any rules that I cant have any straight guy friends. I just prayed my dad wouldn't blow a fuse when I asked him tonight.

"Cool." We silently packed our bags, checked out a dozen books and began walking out of the library ready for the bell to go any minute signalling the end of lunch.

"What were you going to ask me by the way?" I asked after remembering and my curiosity over flowing

"Oh nothing it doesn't matter. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay." I told him and I really didn't want to have to say good bye but I knew it was inevitable. Although petrified I couldn't help being a little excited about tomorrow as well.

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><p>That evening after dinner and I had finished my math homework I plucked up the courage to talk to my dad. I was shaking and could feel my pulse in my tongue; I took a deep breath and began.<p>

"Erm dad?"

"Yes?" he answered not really paying attention as he flicked through the paper

"Is it okay if a friend comes around tomorrow?" I rushed and for a moment wasn't sure he had heard me correctly. But he did, he put his paper down and looked at me.

"Why?"

"We have a biology project to do." I spoke just as quickly as before, wishing this moment was over.

"Girl or boy?" great it had started I thought, I didn't understand why it mattered.

"Boy. It wasn't my choice though the teacher partnered us up."

"You'll stay down here." He told me firmly and I knew he was deadly serious, dead here he can keep an eye on his.

"Yes sir." I told him getting little happier that Dean was coming around.

"Hmm."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes." A massive smile spread across my face and after thanking my father I ran to my room to do a dance, I even put music on and started dancing to that for the rest of the night, I was happy.

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><p><strong>Sorry its a little short<strong>

**Please review and make my day lol :P**


	28. Chapter 28

**WOOP its up tonight :P thanks for the reviews :)**

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><p>After school the next day I waited by my car for Dean to drop Sam off and coming back to go to mine. I had a cigarette as I waited getting more and more anxious by the second.<p>

We soon got to my house and walked up the path together.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked after looking at me, I just have looked at terrified as I felt.

"Just, nervous"

"Don't worry he'll love me." He joked though there was worry in his voice.

"Wouldn't count on it. No offence. He doesn't like many people." I warned him as I fished the keys out of my pockets. And opened the door pushing it wider and motioning for Dean to go first, he smiled in thanks. After closing the door and not seeing dad I called for him. "Dad?" he appeared from the kitchen holding a cup of coffee.

"Castiel. Hello." He greeted me and then turned his attention to Dean; he didn't greet him he just stared.

"Hi sir, I'm Dean." He bravely introduced himself walked right up to my father and held him hand out for a hand shake. I held my breath as I watched having no idea how my father would act.

"Hmm." He said as he looked Dean up and down before shaking his hand. "So, Dean. You have a girlfriend?" I went to red at that, how embarrassing.

"Not at the moment no." at the dad let go of his hand.

"I see."

"Me and my girlfriend just broke up last month. Haven't really moved on yet." That near enough broke my heart. I knew it I knew he was straight. I clung onto the vague hope that he was lying.

"Hmm. I saw you at church."

"Yes I and my family go every Sunday."

"I see well you and Castiel have work to do." I think my dad approved of him, after all he was a straight Christian, I'm guessing dad thinks he's a good influence. That couldn't be more wrong because I have never been gayer for someone in my life.

"Yeah. Biology." Dean informed my dad before working towards me, looking very relieved. "Come on Cas." He said as he headed for the stairs.

"Boys. Tables through there. No need to go upstairs."

"Okay sir." Dean turned and followed my father's direction, I was so embarrassed. We put our bag down on the dining room table and got our books and notes out.

"You want a drink Dean?"

"Erm, just water thanks." We worked in silence for a bit before I just couldn't stay quiet anymore.

"Did you really just break up with your girlfriend?" I was nervous for the answer he was going to give, which I was certain was going to be a yes.

"Huh? Oh no. got a feeling it's what he wanted to hear when I said I didn't have own now." I couldn't stop smiling, that was the best news I have probably ever heard.

"Good. I mean." I tried to recover my steps but instead I just went bright red.

"It's cool." We looked at each other, his eyes were gentle but at the same time sharp and piercing. He smiled at me before looking down at his book and sighing. "Right biology, this is so much fun I can hardly contain myself."

"Castiel. Its time to start making dinner." Dad came in and told me, I nodded then got up and followed my dad out of the room.

"Is it okay if Dean stays for tea?" I really didn't want to say good bye to him yet.

"Okay."

"Thanks." I near enough skipped back to Dean, who had heard dad and my convocation.

"I don't want to impose." He was so sweet, and thoughtful, no stop it I thought I had to get out of this habit.

"Please stay." I asked, sounding more separate than I would have liked. I even not meaning too of course placed my hand on top of Dean's on the desk, it was so warmed and soft. Made my heart flutter when he looked at the contact and didn't pull away in fact he smiled and placed his other hand on mine and agreed to stay. It seemed like on of those movie moment, apart from this isn't a movie its real life and oh yeah we weren't going out. God my life sucks.

We sat around the table and ate in silence, my dad had a knack of making things awkward, oh and embarrassing me beyond anything I had experienced before, that dinner turned out to be a bit of a nightmare.

"So Castiel. Met any nice girls at school."

"I have made friends with a couple there lovely." And there really were. I could see Dean smile at that.

"Any girlfriend material." Oh god he were we really going to have this convocation in front of Dean? Good plan though I mean there was only so much I could say with company.

"No. none of them are interested." Strange thing happened then, Dean snorted in laughter, I didn't understand. "What?"

"Nothing Cas, just thinking of meg." I told me and I instantly wished I hadn't asked.

"She's not a girl she's like some predator." I shot back; causing him to laugh and me smile.

"Who is this?" dad interrupted eager to know more about this girl that was apparently interested in me.

"Just a girl." I conformed and I swear his eyes lit up. "Not in that way dad, she's scary." I admitted, I didn't want to catch Dean's eye in case he was laughing at my confession though he is never open to hurt me, well anyone really.

"You need a girl son." Oh god he was really pushing this, why couldn't he just let me be! I had to go along with it but I really didn't want to entertain the idea of being with Meg.

"Yeah. I want a nice sweet girl, not some slut."

"Language." He barked at me.

"Sorry."

"Maybe having a slut isn't a bad idea at the moment." Me and Dean both coughed on our food. Did my father really just come out with that!

"What!"

"I'm just saying," he told me like it was perfectly normal to pimp out your gay son to female sluts, god when did my life get so confusing. I could see the redness of Dean's face from the corner of my eye, after this I would be surprised if he wants to talk to me again. Maybe that was dads plan, okay overreacting but seriously my dad seems to have cracked!

"What happened to respectable Christian behaviour?" I quoted really not believing what I was hearing,

"Its not the same thing Castiel and you know it." He harshly shot back and I shut right up, I hated it when he used that voice. "Excuse me. I've got work to do." With that he got up from the table and left.

I looked to Dean when it was just us in the room, he was dumbstruck he mimed the word 'wow' to me before burying my face in my hands.

"Sorry" I mumbled, this was a nightmare.

"It's cool." He told me as he clapped me on the shoulder. "You finished?" he asked gesturing to my food; yeah my appetite has just completely gone. He kindly took the plates to the kitchen, sat back down and got a book out. "You wanna do more research?" I nodded and flashed him a smile, I didn't really want to do anything I just wanted to disappear. We worked for about half an hour, it found it quite cute how Dean kept doodling on my notes. The most curious one though was where I put m name at the top left hand side of the paper he scribbled, 'property on me =).' When I read it I couldn't stop smiling and I found it difficult to breathe. "Right well I my brain feels fried. Fancy a break?"

"Defiantly. I'm gonna do the dishes." I got up and started to walk to the kitchen, closely followed by Dean.

"Cool, I wash, you dry?"

"No its okay I'll do it." It was my mess, I couldn't ask him to wash for me, and he was a guest. It showed how deep in my infatuation I was getting when I thought that Dean was too good for dishwashing, I was really going crazy.

"Come on dude you cooked at least let me help." How could I say no?

"Okay, thanks." We worked in comfortable silence; we worked well together, couldn't help but think that we made a good team, and then kicked myself for thinking it. Even if it was true. "All done?" I asked after the last fork was dried.

"Not quite." He told me, I was confused there was nothing left to clean, then whilst smirking he gathered the bubbles that were left and smeared it on my face. "There." I wasn't sure what to do, nothing like this has happened before, it felt weird the bubbles were popping making my skin seem to vibrate, it was strange.

"Thanks." I told him and I tried to blow the bubbles away, Dean was laughing until I starting blowing when he sighed and picked up a tea towel.

"Come here." He told my wrist and pulled me towards him, I could feel his warm breath against my wet skin. "Sometimes you're like a five year old. It's adorable."

When Dean was finished we stood looking at each other basically no distance between us, the weird pull in my stomach pulled me out of my stare, our stare. Dean was looking back, that made me very happy. I stepped away and tried not to blush.

"Erm. We'd better get on with work." I mumbled before hurrying back into the dinning room, god I needed to get control over myself, my whole body was flushed.

We attempted to do some more work for another fifteen minutes but I was distracted by the song Dean was singing quietly to himself, his voice was awesome, but I am completely biased.

"Oh god. I'm all biologyed out." Dean said, thank god I thought so was I.

"Same, I've read the same line six times."

"At least you're still reading I stopped about ten minutes ago." I short him a glare but it really didn't turn out as one, we shared a smile before he suggested. "Fancy modelling?"

"Sure." I liked modelling, I loved that all his attention was on me and in this moment we were the only two people that mattered, the only two people in the world.

"Cool. I'm going to biro sketch you." He pulled his chair a lot closer to me, so close I could smell him. My father came in after a few minutes, I was staring a Dean so I didn't even notice.

"Castiel. Can I speak to you please?" dad's voice made both me and Dean jump. I looked over to him standing in the doorway, he didn't look happy. I nervously joined him the living room.

"What's going on?" He demanded.

"He's drawing me." I told him, it was pretty obvious I thought, to be honest I didn't know why he seemed so angry, it wasn't like I was doing nude modelling or he had me pinned on the table ravishing me. Oh god, just the thought of that coursed a twinge in my freaking pants, think of something else! Dead puppies, something that would distract me whilst I was with dad. Though when I looked up at him seeing the look in his eye sure did the trick. He made me feel ashamed and dirty and I didn't even do anything!

"Why?" he demanded, sometimes I hated him.

"For an art project."

"Okay, I think its time for him to go."

"What!" I protested I didn't want to say goodbye, I never wanted to say good bye to him.

"It's getting late." He tried to rationalise his decision though I knew why he wants Dean to leave. He thinks were getting to close. And its not like we're going to see each other at school, I guess it's a case of out of sight, out of mind.

I nodded and went back into the dinning room, to see that Dean had already packed his bag.

"Hey,"

"Its cool I heard." He said as he put his back on his back.

"Sorry." I told him staring at the floor I didn't want to say good bye. It was then I suddenly had this plan of keeping him in my closet, oh the irony. Dean walked up to me and gave my hand a gentle squeeze, oh god that felt good. My eyes shot up and caught his. That twinge was back. He unfortunately left go of my hand as he spoke.

"You shouldn't let him push you around to much." I knew it was true but what was I supposed to do, he was my father.

"He's my dad Dean, he's all the family I've got left."

"I'm sorry." I really wanted to kiss him then. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye." With that me was gone and I heard him saying good bye to my dad. I didn't go with him to the door I didn't want to actually see him leave.

"Good night sir. Good to meet you."

"Good bye Dean."

I collected my books and went to bed after that. I started to flick through the book I was half way through in an attempt to get to sleep. As I did so a piece of paper fell out of the book. I read it and I slept with a smile on my face that night.

The note read;

'Cas.  
>I knew you'd have your nose in a book when I've left, you nerd =)<br>Gonna have in introduce you to movies.  
>Just wanted to say thanks for moving here, I know that sounds really stupid but it doesn't feel like we've only known each other a matter of days, feels more like years. Anyway before I sound even more like a girl, I'll let you get back to your reading.<br>I'll see you tomorrow.  
>Dean.'<p>

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><p><strong>Please please review :D xxx<strong>


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you for the reviews! love it! when I get a review I do my own little cas dance lol :P x**

**there is a bit of a time jump in the chapter, but i would you enjoy it :D xx**

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><p>Since Dean came around things started to slide into place, my school routine strengthened. I can now comfortably call the people I sit with at lunch my friends. Even Lucifer and his gang of dicks didn't bother me much; I got a few names and shoves here and there but nothing too drastic.<p>

Soccer practise was every Mondays and Thursdays after school and I loved it. I didn't realise just how much I missed it. I was improving too the coach told me there was no way I was not playing in the first game. I was so happy all I wanted to do was go home and tell my dad I was on the soccer team, and he to be proud of me, come to the opening game, buy a hotdog and point at me and shout 'that's my son!' of course I'm not in a dream world. So instead I told the one other person who I really wanted to know, Dean, whose reaction was like something from a dream. He hugged me, like proper with a stupid spin as well that got me dizzy but it was magical.

Dean and I met up on most days after school to finish our biology, I concentrated on biology when we met, so I couldn't entertain the fact that we were meeting up. In return Dean matched my work ethnic and we finish our project a week early. Even though we did, I loved that fact we still met up, we watched films mostly and did other work that was set that day, I couldn't help notice how close we were getting.

He had even started to sketch my face onto his final piece in art, it was slow moving as he was so particular but it was looking awesome.

I moved to a new school three months ago and I still can't believe that I have a group of friends, a best friend and because I'm on the soccer team, people notice me. Its weird I don't particularly like it but having the jocks high five you and cheer leaders flirt with you is a hell of a lot better then what they could be doing. Even random people I recognised from classes were saying 'hi' as we passed in the corridor.

It's Thursday and the first game is today, it was supposed to be a few weeks ago but that team pulled out, I was drunk on excitement. Could not wait.

Everyone was going to be there, Dean was going to be there. Granted he had to be because Sam was also playing but I liked to think he was watching me too.

The game was amazing; my adrenaline was pumped as were the crowds, I could hardly hear my self think each time we scored. The cheerleader looked like they were on speed; they really had way too much energy.

1 minute left and we were drawing, I was so nervous I could hardly breathe, the plan was basically for me to set up Steve to score, the boy took his shot, the goalie saved it, the ball bouncing of his hands, I decided I had nothing to loose so took a wild kick as it bounced my way, I was so off balanced I ended up on my face. I couldn't look, I was almost certain it went wide, but then the crowd was in uproar followed by the buzzer. I did it, I couldn't believe it! I did it! I was lying on the ground, laughing into the grass. My team mates pulled up to my feet and were all jumping on me. It was unbelievable one of the best moments of my life!

The only thing bad about that moment was when all the cheerleaders came over. Meg hugged me but also jumped and wrapped her legs around my waist, it was so cringy.

The next day at lunch Jo was really excited about something and it defiantly wasn't the goup the school try to pass off as food.

"Guys, we have to have a party tonight. Celebrate Cas's win." She beamed, getting agreeable sounds coming from everyone's food filled mouths.

"Sounds good to me," Dean said as he finished his mouthful. "I've wanted a reason to get drunk for ages." He told the group and shone me a smile and wink, oh god a drunk Dean. It sounds so magical, but I knew I wouldn't get to see it.

"Great. Come round at around nine." That all agreed and it did sound good it sounded really good; Jo saw that I wasn't joining in with the excited plan making.

"Sounds awesome, don't you think so Cas?" Jo asked I guess trying to get some sort of reaction from me, it did sound awesome.

"Erm yeah. Thank you but I can't come."

"What why!" Jo shouted as all the other told me there dislike for my decision. I liked they didn't like the fact I wouldn't be there, which just meant I feel very guilty for turning them down.

"No reason, I just know my father won't like it."

"But," Dean started and I couldn't hear it, I knew he could twist me around his little finger and I couldn't allow that. Not this time, how could I explain it to my father?

"Sorry." I interrupted and left the table, my friends and my half eaten food behind. I left the cafeteria and didn't allow myself to look back, I knew I would crack.

"Cas. Hey wait up." Dean ran after me, I didn't stop and was at my locker by the time Dean had caught up and turned me around. His voice was gentler then I thought it would be. I didn't think I looked that distressed. "What's the matter?" I refused to catch his eye, instead I looked away. We stood in silence for a moment, Dean just waiting for me to talk, not pushing just being patient.

"I played well last night didn't I?" I asked and chanced a look at Dean; he looked baffled before stepping closer to me and answering.

"Cas you scored the winning goal." His voice was full of what sounded like pride, I liked that.

"And all I wanted was for my dad to see it." I admitted as opened my locker and took my books out so I didn't have to look at him.

"He, he didn't come?" I sighed as I shut my locker and turned around; looking him the eye I felt a thump in my throat as I opened my mouth to speak.

"Dean, he doesn't even know I'm on the team." I walked away after that, I knew instantly that I shouldn't have told him, I just hated lying to him, I hated the fact I hide from my dad and needed someone to understand. Like Dean said I scored the winning goal. I loved soccer and I was good at it, why should I have to hide it! It wasn't fair!

"Wait. Hey" Dean ran after me, I felt bad I kept walking away from him; all he wanted to do was help. "You can talk to me you know." He told me and I stopped and turned to face him.

"No I can't. I mean I want too. If I were to talk it would be with you, but if I try, I know I'll cry and I am not prepared to let myself cry over this."

"Where are you going?" he asked as I walked away, I couldn't look back this time, he sounded hurt that I was shutting him out and I hated it.

"Home. Gonna tell the nurse I have a migraine." I walked down the corridor and around the corner, I could hear Dean shouted my name and I couldn't help a few tears escaping my eyes.

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><p>That night after a rather splendid dinner of fajitas and nachos, even if I do say so myself, it was totally moreish. Anyway after dinner me and dad were sat in the living, he was doing reports of some kind and I was reading a Romeo and Juliet passage for a character analysis comparing it to a character in a modern teen romance. The room was silent when at half eight and someone knocked on the door. Both me and dad looked at each other, neither of us were expecting anyone. Dad got up to answer the door, I had my back to the door so didn't know who it was, didn't really care, well until I heard the start of the convocation.<p>

"Hello."

"Hello sir. My name is Jo. I'm a friend of your son's" oh crap I thought and jumped of the chair and hurried to the door, she was standing there with her hair in a pony tail and a long coat on.

"Jo, what are you doing here?" I asked, she ignored me and turned to my dad.

"Please, sir I was wondering if it would be okay for Castiel to join me for a small get together to celebrate our first win." I felt so sick, what was she doing!

"Win?" my dad asked, oh fuck this is it, he is going to kill me! I thought.

"Yeah, our schools first soccer match was yesterday we won. In fact Cas," Jo was thankfully interrupted by dad as he turned to me, he was angry. But for the sake of Jo didn't show it as much as he would usually would.

"You watched that game?"

"Actually it was my fault I wanted to go, and a sweetie that Castiel is he went with me." Both dad and I looked at her, I was so thankful. Jo was really awesome. Dad even smiled and looked from me to Jo.

"I'm sure one party won't kill him."

"You mean I can go." I was so excited Jo couldn't stop smiling.

"Yeah. Take care of Jo." He told me, he made it sound like a date, but I really didn't care I got to go to her party.

"Yes sir. Thank you." I told him and excused my self and got changed in record time. Black skinny jeans, with a tight white beetles t-shirt and of course my leather jacket and my cross, I made sure my cigarettes were in my pocket, and but a small bottle of whisky in my inside pocket, I got it years ago but never really had a reason to drink it, but tonight I was going to and more, I was so excited.

When I came down, Jo was standing in the hall way waiting for me and dad was back in my chair, she wolf whistled at me and I stuck my middle finger up at her, making her laugh. I forgot dad was still in the room I caught his eye and apologised instantly.

"That's alright you kids had fun." We said good bye to my dad and left.

"Jo, you are awesome." I told her who was beaming to herself.

"I know."

"Castiel." My dad called me back to the house, I was petrified he was going to change his mind.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Come here." I went back into the house and almost dies of embarrassment. He gave me a condom!

"If you need it." I took and knew I went very red. "Here." He also gave me a bottle of jack Daniels, I was awesome but I think he wanted me to get Jo drunk and fuck her, ewe.

"Thanks. Bye." I told him and hurried out of the house as fast as I could.

"Bye son." I was so happy at that he had never said that since he found out about the gay thing.

We took Jo's car and got there in around ten minutes. Her house was lovely, pictures of her and who I presume is her mom everywhere, no pictures of her dad. I wanted to ask about it but I thought it wasn't really the right time.

When Jo got inside her home she took of her long coat to reveal a short black shirt and blue low cut top, took her pony tail and wiped her hair back and forth, oh god I hate that song. Great now it's in my head! It was an instant transformation; guess she knew to look respectful when asked your friend dad if you can come to a party.

I put the jack and my whiskey on the kitchen side along with Jo's large stash and excused myself and went to the front porch for a smoke. Tonight was going to be so fun! I waited excitedly for the others to arrive, well for Dean too.

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><p><strong>Please review :D xxx<strong>


	30. Chapter 30

**Thank you so the reviews, keep 'em up :) xxx**

**This chapter is a lot longer than the others, have fun! :D**

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><p>Tonight was going to be so fun! And at that point I really did believe it. I waited excitedly for the others to arrive, well for Dean too. I didn't have to wait for long for people to arrive.<p>

Chuck and Becky came first, Chuck drove her in his slightly dirty and a little dented blue car, when they saw me, Becky screamed and jumped on me and Chuck greeted me with a huge smile. He had two crates of beer in his arms, if he didn't I was almost certain he would have hugged me.

Bella came next, in her red convertible and when she saw me she ran to me and gave me a massive hug before stealing one of my cigarettes, sneaky bitch, I didn't mind though.

I stood with her and had another; I was actually getting rather nervous. I stood and listened to Bella talk about her car and how she got it for her sixteenth. She had a large bottle of vodka and we shared some sips as she spoke. When she had finished we stood for a little while in silence as she finished for cigarette.

"Don't worry." She told me out the blue as she put the cigarette out.

"Huh?"

"Dean, he'll be here." I knew I blushed as I followed her into the house. Nothing I could really say to that.

We joined the others, Jo was making a drink, Becky already had one and Chuck was putting on the music channel.

I joined Becky on the sofa who told me that she was glad I came then she started to check out Chuck's ass, have to admit wasn't Dean's ass but it wasn't bad.

"Cas, you want a drink?" Jo asked, she had already finished her first one and was making another.

"Erm yeah, I'll get it." I said as I left Chuck and Becky on the sofa and joined Jo and Bella in the kitchen. I made my self a vodka and coke and started to drink. Jo and Bella were chatting in front of me whilst I day dreamed.

"Hey Cas, you up for it?"

"Excuse me?" I asked I had no idea what was going. I guess they thought I was listening instead of thinking about Dean, oh god Dean. No I had to stop this!

"Shots." Jo explained I wasn't sure I hadn't really drink much since I came to this town.

"Oh erm,"

"Too late I've already poured you one." Bella said as she thrust a shot of vodka into my hand. Fuck it I thought, why not? it was a party after all.

"Ready? 1, 2, 3." Jo counted us down and we did the shot together.

"That's really gross." I had to laugh at Jo's face pulling. But I had to admit it did taste like paint stripper.

"Another! Jack this time." Bella shouted and took our glasses; Jo had had enough and picked up a bottle of beer instead.

"I'm going to stick to beer." She told us and joined Becky and Chuck on the sofa.

"Okay, just you and me then Cas." She gave me a wink before we drank. I liked how the wink did nothing for me but when Dean did it… "Another!" she shouted and she pulled a face.

"You trying to get me drunk Bella?" I joked, I didn't want to get to drunk to early and end u passing out and missing half the party, but getting completely pissed was on the cards, hadn't been drunk in a long time.

"I'm trying to loosen you up." She admitted and tried to hand me another shot.

"I'm fine for now." I told her, finished the remaining of my vodka and coke and grabbed a beer instead.

"Fine." She said sounding like a pouting child but she had a smirk so I guess it was all good. I was just walking out the kitchen when the front door opened. Sam and Jess came in and greeted everyone, who did the same back, I felt bad for saying that I was disappointed it wasn't Dean. Then he came in. looking beautiful in faded ripped jeans and a tight ac/dc band t-shirt.

"Hi." He greeted everyone, then I caught his eye and I was very excited to see that when he saw me a smile grew on his face. "Cas!"

"Hi Dean" I greeted him with an equally big smile as I watched him walk up to me.

"You came!" he said as he squeezed the top of my arm.

"Yeah."

"It's going to be awesome. You want a drink?"

"I have got one." I told him and showed him my beer; he laughed seemingly a little embarrassed and started to talk a little to fast.

"Oh yeah right okay. I'll see you in a bit." Then he left, I stood there for a minute before Sam came over and we shook hands.

"Heya man, it's good to see you."

"You too Sam."

"How did you get out? Thought your dad didn't like the idea."

"Jo went to my house and spoke to my dad."

"How did she know where you live?" I stopped at that, I hadn't thought of that. It made no sense.

"I, I don't know. The only person that has been to my house is," I looked behind me to the kitchen Dean just finished a shot and was having another, looking at me before me drank and gave me a wink, fuck those butterflies! "Dean."

"He really wanted you here. He's planning on getting wasted; just don't let him take advantage." I spun around to stare at Sam, what did he mean by that? "Cas I'm kidding."

"Yeah." I smiled but was very relieved when he went away and sat with Jess.

"Guys! We have to do shots!" Dean shouted and brought a tray of whiskey shots into the living room. And passing the glasses out, making sure everyone had one. "There you go Sammy, Chuck. Becky. Jess. Jo. Bella." Then turned to me. "And Cas." I swear our fingers lingered but I can't be sure, probably not.

"Thanks." We shared a smile before being zapped out of it but Bella shouting at us.

"Cheers!" We all drank, everyone basically pulled facing at the taste, Dean and I however never broke eye contact it was like we were shot flirting if that is such a thing.

Everyone went back to their own drinks and convocations. I went to the kitchen and was joined almost instantly by Dean. We seemed to stare at each other as we silently did another few shots before we both started laughing.

"Cas I got you this, it's only a cheap one but at least it works." He pulled out a phone and charger gave it to me, I couldn't believe he had done this.

"Wow, thanks." I told him I couldn't stop smiling.

"I put my and the others numbers in." I couldn't help myself I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around him.

"Thank you." I whispered into his neck as I rested my head on his shoulder. He hugged back and his arms rested around my waist.

We stayed in the kitchen together for at least an hour doing shots and seeing who could down their drink first. Even started saving the queen so when ended up with dozens of coppers in the bottom of our cups. I insisted we change and get new cups because I didn't want us to keep drinking metal. Dean just laughed and called me a nagging wife, I think I blushed.

I familiar song came on and Dean grabbed my hand and hurried to the living room.

"Oh man, TUNE! yo! Chuck my man turn it up!" Chuck did so and he started to sing along, it was cute. "Jason Derulo!" he pointing to me and shouted. "Cas! Sing along I know you know the words!" I laughed and he danced around the living room. "The last thing on my mind is going home!" he pulled me to dance too, I downed the rest of my drink and joined in. I pulled Chuck and Becky up to dance as Dean pulled Bella and Jo. No not pulled just saying he pulled a girl makes me jealous. "From the window to the wall this clubbing club is jumping, 'til tomorrow is it day light or is it night time." Dean shouted, I interlaced my fingers with Becky and danced with her.

"One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock, four!" we all shouted as Chuck pumped up the volume even more. Chuck pulled Becky towards him, I was more than happy to dance on my own.

"Day light come and we don't wanna go home!" I shouted and I waved my hand in the air.

"Go Cas!" Dean shouted and wooed at me. "Losing control!"

"Turn the lights low cause we about to get blown, Let the club shut down, We won't go oh, oh, oh, Burn it down, To the flo oh, oh, oh, Ayo me say day oh, Daylight come and we don't wanna go home!" I shouted making Bella woo at me.

We all danced the rest of the song and the next (flo rida low.) Dean started dancing near me. Soon he was behind me. His arm snaked around my waist and I was too drunk to refuse myself a sneaky dance. I could feel his cock pushed against my ass. We started swayed together going down and up a little. My hand was soon around his neck, afraid me was going to leave me. I swear I could feel a boner in Dean's pants but like I said I was really drunk. When low started, it took all my confidence and Dutch courage but I turned around. We smirked at each other, as we danced very close to each other. I scanned my eyes down his body and up again, yeah there was a bulge in his pants. He could see I saw and tried to turn but I couldn't stop this moment, I stopped him and went forward and we started grinding together. When it got to the 'low, low, low, low, low' bit I step away from him a little and got low with the best of them. Have to say better then the girl but I had had a lot of practise in the clubs in LA. I caught eye contact with Dean and when I was done he took my waist and pulled him into him to keep dancing, oh so close.

"You're a good dancer." He whispered into my neck.

The next thing I knew the music was off and we stopped. I hadn't realised we had an audience, like everyone was watching, I went red.

"Whys the music off?" Dean protested.

"It was either that or through a bucket of cold water over you two!" Sam shouted in an amused, embarrassed kind of way.

"It's just dancing." I told them, they didn't seem convinced but it was, I did a lot of dancing in LA with many guys and girls, and the girls sure didn't mean anything, I like dancing. Though in this case, it being Dean it really did mean everything.

"Exactly. Put the music back on I'm gonna have a drink." Sam did so and everyone started dancing again. I danced on my own, thankfully due to that self control I told you about I was minus a boner, unlike Dean. He was so drunk.

Dean rejoined in a few minutes but this time danced away from me, even though do it like a dude was on and it had a good beat to dance too.

I left the living room to have a few drinks, and tried to get the thought of Dean's body against mine out of my head.

I went back into the living room when everyone was sat back down, we chatted for a bit before Jo screeched.

"Let's play a game!" everyone seemed to like the idea, so did I. I love drinking games they got me fucked, in more ways than one.

"Yes! Let's do it. But first, Cas come with me." Dean stood, I shrugged and he led me to the kitchen. He poured six shots of whiskey and gave me one.

"Drink this." I did "And this." I did that one too.

"Trying to get me drunk Dean!" I asked jokingly, but I couldn't help like the idea.

"Yes!" before giving me another and drinking this on with me.

"Dean I think you should slow down." I told him, it was getting hard for him to stand upright.

"So drink my shots for me." He held my hand and placed a shot glass in it. He didn't remove his hand and all I could do was look in his eyes that was until Bella shouted.

"Guys, bring the drinks, a glass, playing cards and the shot glasses over. The games about to begin." I downed Dean's last two shots, who winked at me and we took the stuff into the living room.

We sat around in a circle and played ring of fire. Dean got a jack with his first card and made a rule that if a guy has to drink, I have to drink and if a girl has to drink, I have to do a shot. I got him back though when I got make a rule and made a rule that when ever I drink he has to do a shot. Needless to say we were extremely drunk by the end of the game. I'm just glad I didn't get the last king and have to do the dirty pint at the end. We all cheered on Chuck who downed it like a boss.

After the game you over Dean got onto the couch and I thought for a minute he was going to pass out. I went to see if he was okay, he was. He grabbed my arm and pulled me onto his lap. I tried to get up but he didn't like that.

"No you're staying here." Really I was okay with that, he was super comfy. We all continued to chat shit. No one mentioned that I was on Dean's lap. They did however mention something when his hand started to go up inside my shirt.

"What are you doing?" Becky asked a little shocked. Bella looked over and couldn't stop laughing.

"I want to see his tattoos." Dean explained, oh god his hands were so warm.

"Oh I've heard about them." Becky shouted then Jo yelled.

"Take it off!" I thought why not, too drunk to care.

"Woo!" every shouted as I did. Jo came over to check them out.

"Wow Cas that's awesome." She told me, she touched my chest to she them better, Dean had other plan he hugged my waist and pulled me back a little, Jo got the message rolled her eyes and went away. Dean even pouted he was so cute.

"I love this song." I said to Dean, hoping he would get the message. He didn't Bella did and came up to me.

"Come on you. Let's dance." What was I supposed to say? No thank you but I only want to dance with Dean for an excuse to basically dry hump him, so piss off. So I got up and danced with her. Half way through the song I looked over at Dean, he was staring at me and then got up and left.

"Is he okay?" I asked Bella, who was way too close for my liking but as I said it was just dancing.

"Forget about him, he's just drunk." She said, and I guess that was right, he was probably going to throw up. The thought of that made me want to go look after him.

"Yeah." I said eyes still glued to the door, the last place I saw him.

"You can kiss me if you want." Bella told me, I really didn't want too for obvious reason, so I thought of the best escape I could before leaving.

"I'm going to have a cigarette."

I stumbled my way outside to find Dean sitting on the porch bench looking at the floor with a bottle of jack in his hand.

"Hey." I said as I sat and joined him.

"Hi. Having fun with Bella." He sounded like he was jealous, I don't know but either way he didn't look at me.

"She's a little full on."

"Yeah that sounds like her." He told me with a small laugh before handing me the bottle.

"Thanks." I took a swig and we sat in silence for a few minutes passing it back and forth as I smoked. "How you feeling?" I asked as I stubbed out the cigarette.

"Very drunk. You?"

"I'm getting there."

"Good."

"Thank you."

"For what." He finally looked at me, and looked a little confused.

"Getting Jo to get my dad let me out tonight." I knew it was him and I was so grateful.

"Don't know what you mean." He said with a smirk as he took a swig.

"I know it was you." I put my hand on his and gave it a small squeezed. "Thank you."

"Well it's not a party without you." He said as he squeezed back.

"I'm going to go get a drink, you want one?" I asked, I knew I was about to kiss him so I had to get out of there.

"I have one here." He waved the bottle at me before I went to the door.

"Right, course. Well come in soon. It's not a party without you." I told him, we shared a smile before I went back into the house.

"Hey!" Jo shouted at me as I came in.

"Hi Jo."

"Let's do shots!" he told me as she dragged me to the kitchen. There were ten shots lined up in two lines, I could tell some were alcohol some not. "The first one to finish wins." I nodded and we began.

"Wow Cas, well done." Bella congratulated me as I finished, as Jo's whiskey came back up in the sink.

"Hey! What did I miss?" Dean asked as he strolled in, we stumbled really.

"Cas beating Jo at shots."

"Awesome." He told Bella before dragging me away from her and onto the sofa, back onto his lap.

"Let's play a game!" Becky screamed, though she really didn't need to scream.

"Another one?" Chuck asked, I guess he wasn't feeling it.

"Yeah it will be fun!" Bella came and sat down with Jo.

"Okay what?" Chuck asked, we all knew he didn't want to play ring of fire again, not after last time.

"I have never." Bella said people seemed okay with that.

"Yeah okay." Jo said. "You playing Cas?" she asked as I started getting off of Dean's lap- he didn't really like that.

"Erm no thanks."

"Got to many dirty secrets?" Bella said, I think she was flirting, I couldn't tell.

"Some thing like that." I said before I turned to leave.

"You sure?" she pushed. I guess she wanted to know more about me.

"Quite." Then I left the room and sat on the bottom of the stairs. It wasn't long before I had company.

"Heya."

"Sit with me Dean." I told him and hit the step next to me, which hurt my hand and made him laugh, so it was worth it to hear his laugh.

"I like this stuff." I told him as I took the bottle of him and took a sip.

"How much of it have you had?" he asked as I dribbled a little.

"Dunno." I shrugged and had some more before he took it back.

"Think you've had enough." I laughed at that, who was he to talk?

"Pot, kettle, black." I said as I took the bottle and had some more.

"Okay fair enough, gimme some." He snatched it back and drank more. We laughed a little then we sat in silence. "Cas?"

"Hmm."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"How did you get that scar?"

"Just not that." I wasn't going to talk about the accident not tonight. I couldn't, not tonight.

"Why not?"

"Because I am a happy drunk right now, you want me crying?"

"Okay, but another time, you're going to spill all those dirty little secrets." He smirked as he gave me the bottle.

"I don't think so." Though I knew that he could get anything from me and to be honest I was so drunk I didn't care if he did.

"Come on, you tell me one I'll tell you one." Sounded like fun, got to know more about him.

"Okay. You go first." I told him, he nodded in agreement.

"Drinks first." So we finished the bottle and somehow ended up laughing our asses off. "You're funny man." He told me as he rested his head on my shoulder as I wiped a tear from my eye. I still have no clue what we were talking about.

"Secret." I demanded.

"Right. Well, I, I didn't like you dancing with Bella." That made my stomach go all tingerly, then again it could have been all the whiskey.

"What? Why?"

"Explanations aren't part of the game." He sat up and pointed at me, his finger right in my face as me swayed a little. "You're turn."

"I think you're my best friend." Mumbled I thought he would laugh at me, but he didn't!

"Good, you're mine." I couldn't stop smiling. He sat and I could feel his eyes dragging over me, strangely it made me feel warm.

"I love your tattoos. You look good with them."

"Thanks." I could still feel him looking, he moved closer and nuzzled his face in my neck, it felt so good.

"Hope you didn't mind me basically ripping your shirt off." Dean chuckled out I guess I should have, I should have said I did anyway but I really didn't.

"No I liked it." I started to panic there, I really shouldn't have said that. "I mean." Instead of being weird about it, Dean started to laugh.

"Dude you're funny." After a moment of silence I was willing and drunk enough to do what I really shouldn't.

"Do you wanna know one of my deepest secrets?"

"Sure." I took a breath ready to spill my guts when we were crudely interrupted.

"Heya guys." Bella shouted as she stumbled into the hallway. Not sure if I was angry or thankful for her sudden appearance. I could tell Dean on the other hand knew he didn't like it.

"Hi Bella." He spoke through his teeth, but she was so drunk she didn't know he wasn't joking; instead she just laughed and gave us both a hug.

"I love you guys." Yeah so drunk.

"Thanks." Dean said he wasn't amused I guess he liked our talk.

"Love you guys too." I said but I kinda aimed it to Dean.

"Let's join the others." She spoke with sudden excitement and dragged me up by my hand. I kept eye contact with Dean as I got dragged away from him. "You want to do a body shot?" A what?

"What's that?" I asked so naively, I didn't expect what happened, not by a long shot. Though in hindsight I should have expected it.

"Come on I'll show you." She said as she took her top off, I started to have a bad feeling. She laid down on the kitchen counter, and put a line of salt under her naval, a shot of tequila that Jo found a bottle of, in her mom's cabinet in-between her boobs and a slice of lemon in her mouth.

"You lick the salt, do the tequila shot, then suck the lemon." Jo explained and pointed to the appropriate body parts. Everyone but Becky who was almost asleep on the sofa were gathered around watching.

"Erm I dunno." I told them as I looked at a half naked Bella on the side, it wasn't an appealing image.

"Cas, Cas, Cas, Cas, Cas, Cas." They all started chanting, so I had to. Even if I was doing it of Bella it was quite fun. I received cheers when I had finished. My smile dropped when Bella shout,

"Now someone has to do a body shot off Cas."

"What?"

"I'll do it." Oh my god I thought, I looked to the voice, to Dean. He shrugged like it was nothing, but it was very much something. "I love tequila." I nervously nodded and laid down on the top. Jo told me to daggle my legs of the edge; I didn't think anything of it, at the time.

"Let's make it interesting." Bella said as she picked up the bottle and took off the lid.

"What?" I asked suspiciously, now feeling a little uncomfortable.

"You lick the salt, lap up the drink, then suck the lemon." Jo and Chuck laughed where as I blushed.

"I don't feel comfortable with that." I didn't think having Dean's tongue running over my chest would be something I could handle.

"Come on Cas, it'll be fun." Dean said as he stepped in-between my legs, oh god! I thought I was dreaming for a moment, because the guy, that just might be the guy of my dreams is willing to lick tequila off my chest, well that sounds like make believe to me. Jo wet a line under my naval so the salt would stick, though the salt ended up much lower then before, basically on my waist band, pretty sure she did it on purpose.

"You're way too drunk." I told Dean, hoping he would agree and stop it.

"I know." He smirked at me before pushing me to my back and slowly licking the salt off, his tongue actually went beneath my waist band, and oh god! It felt so good. Then Jo poured tequila into my belly button, he sucked it out, then basically drenched me in the stuff. He licked up my stomach, on my chest and oh god my even sucked my nipples and bit down a little bit too! Fuck it was god, I couldn't help my dick and I knew Dean could feel it, he was on top of me and his leg in-between mine after all. The lemon was in my mouth and we kept eye contact when he did finally suck it, I think our lips may have touched but I can't be sure the whole event is a blur. I can just remember being very, very turned on. I was snapped out of our stare when everyone started cheering. I heard Bella tell Jo how hot it looked, well she has no idea just how hot it fucking felt.

"Now some one do Dean!" Chuck shouted.

"I'll do it."

"Woo! Go Jo!" Chuck screamed at her. I hopped off the counter and excused myself to have a cigarette, and so my dick would go down but I left that bit out. I looked at the floor and refused to look Dean in the eye.

I smoked three cigarettes before I was in a good enough condition to return to the party. I opened the door and found Dean coming out, probably to look for me. We ended up a few inches apart.

"Hey." I said, well more whispered, I could smell tequila on him and all I could do was stare at his lips and I was too drunk and horny to care if I was bring really obvious.

"You taste good." He joked; well I think he was joking though he seemed to whisper in the same way as me.

"Well you feel good." I kicked myself when I heard those words come out my stupid mouth. I was telling the truth but I sounded like a retard. We stood in silence for a bit, the air was thick and I could taste the alcohol on my tongue as Dean exhaled, all I could think about was tasting those lips

"So what is it?" he asked out the blue.

"What?" I had no idea what he was on about.

"That secret you were going to tell me on the stairs." Oh fuck he didn't forget about it, I looked at the floor and could fell Dean come closer and softly moved my chin up with his forefinger I caught his gaze and he whispered. "You can tell me anything."

I looked from his dark green eyes to his full lips, my breath started to quicken, my heart rate double and could feel pulse in my mouth.

Then suddenly without thinking my way out of the overwhelming urge, I grabbed Dean's face with my hands and sharply pulled him towards me, finally capturing his lips with my own. My eyes were shut tight I wanted to capture every moment; the kiss was hard and passionate. I was terrified he was going to push me away, probably why I was so rough.

Before I knew it Dean's arm was around my waist and his other hand grabbed my hair and pulled me closer, he was kissing me back.

As Dean's warm wet tongue slicked across my bottom lip I realised what was happening and I stopped and pulled away, though in all honesty I never wanted it to end, ever.

Dean seemed to whimper slightly when I stopped, I liked it. He didn't remove his arm from my waist and the hand that was in my hair fell to my neck where he ran his thumb over my throat.

My arms fell and were stiff at my sides as I tried to catch my breath. After a moment or two Dean lent forward a little just as I stepped out of his embrace and into the cold night air.

We stood in silence for a minute or so, seemed like an hour it was the most painfully awkward moment of my life. I opened my mouth several times but couldn't say anything, what was there to say? I have just fucked up everything!

"I, that wasn't supposed to happen, sorry," I mumbled and tripped over the words at I stared at the floor, then quickly scurrying past him and back into the house I heard him call my name but I didn't look back.

I couldn't believe what just happened! I have just fuck up my life. There was no way I could not see Dean, but how can we be friends when that kiss is in the forefront of my mind, when all I want to do is pin him up against something and well do everything I possibly can with that body, with those lips…

I went straight to the kitchen, Jo was in there but I ignored her greeting and went straight to the remaining tequila and downed a shot and another and started to pour my third.

"Wow. Cas, slow down." I ignored her and after my fourth shot she rolled her eyes and joined the others in the living room, that were dancing to 'we fell in love' Dean joined me and tried to take my shot of me, he failed and I took it.

"Cas stop." He sounded worried, but I just wanted to disappear, pass out and forget everything, and I wished Dean would do the same.

"Leave me alone Dean." I told him as I drank more, my stomach was starting to churn, too much alcohol. Though that didn't stop me.

"Can we talk?"

"No."

"Come on man."

"There's nothing to talk about." I dismissed it even though my mind was playing it over and over again, in techno-colour, HD, surround sound and slow motion.

"Really? Have you thought about that fact I kissed back." I thought about that for a second before pouring and shoving a shot towards Dean, making sure there was no skin on skin contact before taking a huge swig from the bottle.

"Drink." I ordered, but he didn't instead he took the bottle of me. Prick.

"Cas." He began, I knew I couldn't take this convocation; it was humiliating enough as it was.

"You won't remember it in the morning anyway." I tried to keep dismissing it and playing it down. I really did hope he wouldn't remember a thing.

"How can I forget that?" he asked and I tried to reach across to take the bottle back.

"You have too." I told he as he pulled the tequila just out of reach and I lost balance and ended up on the floor. Dean knelt by my side and placed his hand on my leg, I tried to move away from him but for one I was too drunk and for another I didn't want too, not really.

"Why?" he asked softly, I felt like crying, very nearly was, all I wanted was him. When I finally get the balls to admit it to myself, I realised that there is no way I can have him. A notion I never really amused properly until now. It hurt my heart and it was really hard not to cry.

"Because I want you too."

"What if I don't?" I didn't expect that. My eyes shot up and just as his mouth opened to speak, Jess came in and tapped Dean on the shoulder she looked a little worried, fuck.

"Dean, it's Sam he's throwing up."

"Great. Cas we will talk about this in a bit." He said before leaving the kitchen with Jess.

I felt like shit, both alcohol and Dean related. I grabbed a glass of coke and went to sit down with the others, hoping it would clear my mind.

"What about I have never." Becky suggested and this time I didn't care, might be fun. Though I have never played I have watched this gamed being played, so I knew before we began that it would mean a lot of drinking.

"Why the fuck not!" I shouted and every laughed, I'm not as loud sober and don't swear half as much.

"Okay Cas you go first." Chuck told me, I had to think about it.

"I have never been in an airplane." the game always turned sexual so I thought I'd give it a clean start, everyone else drank.

"I have never come on to one of my teachers." Becky said, fuck I thought as I took a sip.

"I have never been came onto by on of my teachers." Chuck told everyone, it got a few laughs too, but then I had to drink and the laughter stopped.

"I have never done it in a public place." Which surprised me of Bella, unfortunately I had to drink, fortunately I wasn't the only own as Jo joined me.

"I have never had sex drunk." Fuck, Bella and I drank.

"I have never participated in this game before." I said and everyone drank, I honestly couldn't think of anything sexual that I could say which really did make me sound like a whore.

"I have never been high." Fuck, why did Becky have to say that, though I was surprised that I was the only person that had, must be an LA thing or something?

"I have never sucked cock." An obvious one for Chuck, being a straight guy and all that. All the girls and me drank. It was at this point everyone started looking at me.

"I have never done it up the ass." Bella said and once again I was the only one that drank, like I said too drunk to care.

"Okay Cas you're just drinking for every thing! That's not playing right!" Jo shouted, made me smile that they didn't actually believe that I was capable of any of that stuff, oh how wrong they were.

"What if he's actually done it all?" Becky said and Bella just laughed as she replied.

"Yeah the coolest guy at school at the moment, the ninja fighting, tattooed resident soccer hero is a fag." That was harsh I thought. "I'm joking Cas but you have to stop cheating." I nodded and decided against future playing and went to the kitchen to grab a beer. I was joined by Dean and that awkward turned on feeling was fucking back.

"How's Sam?"

"Passed out, he'll be okay. Jess is watching over him." We stood in silence before Dean spoke again. "Cas can I speak to you." I wanted to say no but I made the mistake in looking at him, his eyes were so soppy and pathetic I couldn't say no, so I nodded and followed him into an empty room across the hall.

Dean closed the door behind me; I walked away a little to get some distance and looked at the ornaments on the side for something to do.

"What's up?"

"You know what this is about."

"Just drop it." I tried to sound casual and it must have worked because he walked up to be, he didn't seem happy.

"Hey you kissed me," He pushed me a little to get me attention, and continued when our eyes met. "Don't pretend that didn't mean something to you."

"I have nothing more to say on the subject; as far as I'm concerned it didn't happen." I tried to walk away and be strong at that point but he kept walking towards me, making me walk backwards, until I was sandwiched between Dean and the wall.

His hands were suddenly groping my ass and mouth was kissing my neck, it was warm and made my stomach knot in a thousand different ways.

"Dean stop." I pathetically told him. I knew he had too but it just felt too damn good. His hand snaked around from my ass to cock and uh god!

"That's not what you dick is saying." He spoke against my skin, breath covering my heated flesh.

"Stop!" I shouted as I pushed him away from me, "I'm not gay." I told him, I hated saying it. The words felt wrong in my mouth but I had to stop this. He stood about half a meter away thankfully he stopped literally giving me a hand job through my pants.

"I'm straight too," he assured me before a smirk appeared. "Mostly." Dean whispered starting to kiss my neck, holding my wrists above my head with one hand.

"You're drunk."

"And you're hot."

"I'm not gay."

"You don't have to lye to me." He gave me a quick peck on the lips before shoving his free hand down my pants and starting to pump my cock. It felt so good! I couldn't help myself, I loosened his grip of my wrist and wrapped my arms around him pulling him closer to me and I bite down and kissed his neck.

"Dean…uh…..oh god…..you have to stop….Dean…oh god...….Uh!" I was getting close, and I started to panic all I could see was the institution and I suddenly I felt so dirty and wrong, evil. I shoved Dean away from me as hard as I could. I couldn't let this continue. "No!"

"Why are you so deep in denial?" Dean shouted at me, I think there were actually tears in his eyes, but I couldn't be completely sure, I mean it was dark and I was drunk. But there was defiantly significant anger and pain in his voice, but mostly anger.

"I'm not gay." I mumbled to myself as I done my flies up, Dean did not like that answer.

"Fuck off Cas, your gay. Get that into your head. Your gay, a homo, a fag a fucking queer."

"My father and I have worked too hard for everything to be ruined by you!" I was in tears now, the last thing I wanted to do was push him away but it the only thing I could do.

"What?"

"It doesn't matter, how much I want, it's not going to happen!"

"So you don't want to suck my cock?" Dean asked as he started to undo his jeans, oh god. I have actually literately dreamed of this. I looked away before I started to sink to my knees.

"Stop it! Why are you pushing this?" I demanded, he seemed adamant to break me.

"Because you're lying to yourself. I saw your dick go hard when I was licking you." I had no answer to that, I did go hard, it did feel good, it felt right. But oh so wrong.

"Fuck you Dean!" I shouted needing to say something, getting angry that I was running out of excuses and enthusiasm for them.

"No, fuck you!" Dean shouted as she walked towards the door. "You like to mind fuck people, manipulate and screw them over well congratulations you've succeeded!" he yelled before leaving the room and slamming the door.

After he left I simply couldn't fight the tears, how did things turn so bad so quick! I don't know when I fell to sleep but I woke up at lunch time the next day in what I found out was a study, Dean had already left.

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><p><strong>Please review :)<strong>

**so yay theres their first kiss XD cas had to drunk for it, he is too loyal to his father to do it sober. unfortunalty even a wasted cas is still a confused and loyal person, even though he knows what he wanted, its ruin things becasue he feels he can no longer pretend not to want dean the way he does plus dean probably hates him now- cas thinks so anyway and dont even get him started on his dad lol**

**had to include a sneaky dance, a boy shot etc it was too cute and awwwish not too lol **

**sorry i dont know if you play 'save the queen' outside the uk, basically if someone is holding their drink you drop a penny in it and they then have to down it to save the queen and get the penny, though mostly it does end the way it did in the chapter people with a hell of a lot of copper coins in their drinks. :P**

**oh and if you dont play drink of fire, omg google it and play it its awesome! oh and body shots too body shots are fun ;) xx **

**anyway i am babbling lol hoped ypu enjoyed the chapter! :D xxxx**


	31. Chapter 31

**Heya! thank you sooooo much for the reviews :D sorry i havent updated sooner, you know how busy christmas can be. stupid christmas, I dont mean to be a scrooge but i dont like christmas! lol xx**

**anyway hope you enjoy the chapter, its a little short, its more a filler type chapter for an important chapter coming up next lol have fun!:D**

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><p>After I had thrown up, three times and helped Jo clean up her house, she drove me home. She didn't speak to me until the car pulled up outside my house.<p>

"So what happened?" she asked as I took of my seat belt.

"What do you mean?" I refused to catch her eye, I knew what she meant and I really, really didn't want to think about never mind talk about it.

"Okay enough of this bullshit. Dean didn't even speak to any of us this morning."

"Nothing happened, its fine."

"Castiel."

"We just had an argument." I told her before getting out of the car quickly. Jo grabbed my arm and turned me towards her.

"About?"

"Nothing." Her eyebrows raised and I elaborated slightly. "I've fucked things up."

"How?"

"I don't want to talk about it. But I just know Dean won't speak to me again."

"You under estimate him." She assured me making be smile a little before getting out the car.

"I'll see you Monday."

"Yeah. Thanks for everything Jo, Bye." I told her before she drove away. I turned, looked at my house before taking a deep breath and walking towards it.

I spent the whole day in my room; I felt like shit and had the worst hangover ever. I still cooked dinner, and it really did feel good to get some food in me. When it came to Sunday, I told my dad I was sick to get out of church. Thankfully he was still on a high from me going to the party with Jo so he was more tolerant and let me stay at home. I knew it was wrong to skip church but I just couldn't face the prospect of seeing Dean there.

I managed to drag myself out of bed and have a much needed shower. I pulled on some old jogging bottoms, couldn't be bothered with the top and I sat at my desk and started some work. After lunch I took a trip to in my car so I could enjoy a much needed cigarette, I told my dad fresh air would do me good, he believed me.

I stupidly found myself at the little dirt car park Dean directed to me before, his favourite part of town as he put it. I hurt to think of that day, it was perfect and I won't be able to have another like that again. I sat in silence mind stuck firmly of Dean's face. I don't remember how many cigarettes I smoked but when I looked down I was holding an empty packet. At that point I shoved gum in my mouth and started to drive home.

That night I was flipping through a book when a loud beeping tore through the silence of my room making my jump and have a mini heart attack. It took me a moment to realise what it was. I fished out the phone Dean have me from my jacket pocket and saw I had a message.

From Sam: _Why weren't you at church? Dean has been bitching about it all day. Are you two ok? Sam._

I didn't know what to put, I was stupidly holding my breath for it being Dean. Though it was about him I was disappointed it was from Sam. Though he was still a friend and was happy he cared enough to check on me, so I replied.

To Sam: _Ill. We had an argument, my fault and I upset him. He doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I'll see you at school. Castiel._

My phone beeped after a few minutes though it wasn't a reply. It was from Dean. I got extremely nervous and stupidly got butterflies though I knew it couldn't be anything good. I didn't want to read it, but I couldn't not.

From Dean: _don't chat shit Cas. Don't put words in my mouth. And don't assume to know me._

I cried that night and prayed dad would let me stay at home and not go to school tomorrow.

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><p>When I woke up dad had already gone to work, all I wanted to do was just stay at home, but I managed to talk myself into going into school, not letting my education suffer. After all if I don't get I good education I won't graduate, go to college and away from dad. And that's what I want to do above everything else, move out and get away.<p>

So I went to school. I avoided everyone that day, didn't speak to any of them in any lesson. When it got to lunch I went to my car and fished out my emergency packet to smokes from the glove compartment, I sat in my baby listened to the radio and smoked.

I was jogged out of my daze from a knocking on the window next to me. It was Jo; I wound down the window and flashed her, a small smile.

"Hi." I greeted her, her face looked stern and it made me nervous.

"You gonna tell me."

"About what?" I asked though I know full well what she was talking about, but I really didn't want to talk about it.

"Why have you been ignoring us." I looked away not wanted to look her in the eye, she made me feel really guilty, and the fight wasn't her fault. I guess I never thought anyone would really care. I guess they do.

"I didn't want to annoy Dean."

"What? Look Castiel what ever happened, you two should talk about it." I knew she was right, but the thought of it terrified me.

"Maybe." I said as I turned the key and fried up the engine, making Jo jump a little.

"Where are you going?" she demanded, I just couldn't be there anymore, had to get away.

"Home." I said before pulling away and driving off, I could hear Jo shouting my name as I did. I guess she didn't get the information se was looking for.

That night after dinner, I sat on my bed flicking through a book. Taking none of it in mind racing about the party. I still couldn't believe what had happened. It made me blush, embarrassed and horny to think about how close we were, the feel of him dancing up against me, the feel of his lips on mine and how soft his hands were against my dick, oh god I wish I hadn't been so stupid. I should never have kissed him. No I should have, I should have sooner, its not wrong its not! Just then my eye was court by the photo on my bed side table. The only family photo I had. My and Jimmy we must have been around two or three, we had Santa hats on, mum and dad held on of us each and they smiled, beamed. I closed my eyes and tried not to cry, I wanted that back. I desperately wanted a family. The only family I have is my dad and I can't loose him toot. What will I be without family?

"I wont disappoint you father." I told the photo before rolling over to my side and stared at nothing.

I can't loose dad but the thought of Dean being made at me made me feel sick. So I swallowed my fear and with shaking hands I text Dean.

To Dean; _I missed you at school today. Good day?_

I didn't have to wait long for a reply, tat made me smile though when I read it I felt like crying.

From Dean; _What do you care._

I didn't go into school on Tuesday, I couldn't face it. I knew it was my fault but there was nothing I could do about it. Dad was at work when I got up and he wouldn't be back until I was supposed to be back from school so it was easy to simply not go.

I couldn't stay of from school on Wednesday, because two repetitive days off is less likely to slip through the net and my education had suffered enough I didn't want to get behind. I didn't see him that day, which I was both happy and distort about. I desperately wanted to call him, but I had nothing to say, it had all been said, I just wanted to hear his voice.

On Thursday I saw Dean in the corridor, our eyes meet and for that split second I forget how to breathe, he looked away almost instantly, we pasted in the corridor but he didn't stop and chat or even look at he in fact he shoulder barged me. After that I sunk of to the back of the end field to have a smoke and a cry.

Friday rolled around and I was really looking forward to two days to myself, two days to well in self pity. Well at least I didn't have school. After school that day I went into library to do some work before I went home. It looked like everyone seemed to have the same idea. All tables taken apart one. The one opposite Dean. Typical. I was terrified but I had to start this project so I approached him he looked up at me when I was opposite him.

"Can I sit here? All the other tables are taken." he nodded his head and I silently got myself seated I kept stealing glances and as far as I could tell, Dean's eyes never once left him page. We worked in silence for a good ten minutes, before I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to speak but could find my voice to I got out my phone instead.

To Dean; _are we going to talk?_

Dean looked at his phone, sighed and looked to me.

"I have nothing to add to our convocation Cas. Do you?" yes I did, I had everything to add, if only I could say it.

"I'm sorry." I told him at I looked at my hands; I didn't want to look into his eyes.

"Good." He said, there was a beat of silence before I looked up and spoke again.

"You're right. About everything. But it changes nothing. I'm sorry." I could see Dean slouch a little he seemed to look a little angry and sad, I didn't like it. We sat in awkward silence, just as Dean opened his mouth a girl came and sat on the table.

"Hey you."

"Meg." I said, really wishing she wasn't there.

"House party tonight."

"Oh I err." I really didn't want to go, I was fully set on my plan of sell pity welling.

"No excuses, you're coming. You should come too Dean." She glanced over at him before telling me. "He knows where I live, be there at nine." And then like that she was gone, it took me a second for my brain to register what just happened to quickly. 'Oh fuck' I thought to myself when I realised I'm going to that sluts party.

"See you outside yours at ten to nine. It's a short walk from yours." Dean told me as he packed up this stuff, wait what?

"But," I tried to interject but Dean wasn't in a chatty mood.

"See you later Cas." He told me before leaving the library, I wasn't left speechless. I really don't get people.

I pulled out my phone and text Dean I didn't like feeling lost and confused.

To Dean: _I'm confused_.

I didn't get a reply.

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><p><strong>Please please review :D<strong>


	32. Chapter 32

**HEYA! :) **

**sorry its been awhile! there are no excuses well okay im going to give you some lol been housing hunting- pain in the freaking ass! also i had an accident not going to get into it but it included the hospital, x-rays, stitches and a splint on one of my hands/wrists which is making it harder to type, this happened becasue i am SUCH a twat lol **

**anywhooooo hope you enjoy the chapter and the next is basically finished should be up tonight :) xxx**

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><p>I spent the rest of lunch time in a sever state of confusion, Dean wasn't talking to me properly and was obviously still pissed at me, but he was going to Meg's party with me. By the time I got home I was determined to straighten things out- in more ways then one, at the party. When I asked dad if I could go to Meg's party his exact words were; 'what the slut?' after I nodded his smile grew and he nodded. He loved the idea that I was getting invited to girls parties, I think he chose to ignore the fact that it was a mixed sex party and concentrated on that fact he knew that meg wanted in my pants. We ordered Chinese and ate in silence whilst watching the great escape. Love that film.<p>

At seven I excused myself and showered and got ready. I decided on tight faded blue jeans, they weren't majorly tight just around my ass and thighs, so I really toned down the tightness, for me anyway. I also wore black shirt over a blue skin hugging t-shirt plus my two essentials of course. I sat on my bed and read a book until it came to five to nine, I climbed on my bed and looked in my mirror, I ran my hand through my hair and messed it up even more, I love my hair when it's messy and have been told many times how much better it look when it is.

After grabbing my leather jacket, phone keys wallets cigarettes and lighter I made my way down stairs. Dad gave me yet another bottle of spirits and patted my on the shoulder.

"Go get her son." Just the thought of fucking Meg made my skin crawl but I saw how happy the idea made my dad- which I actually thought was more than a little creepy. So I smiled at him before leaving after having to turn down yet another condom telling dad I still had the one from last time.

I hurried out the house and sure enough Dean was waiting for me outside my house path. We smiled together in greeting and started to walk in silence, which was only a little bit awkward.

"You okay?" Dean asked and I knew that the flush on my cheeks was still present which only made my cheeks get hotter.

"Fine. How are you?" I asked, hoping to stir up a half descent convocation.

"Fine." He answered; we walked the rest of the way in silence, so much for convocation.

I could tell which house the party was at; the cars parked over the front lawn, teenagers shouting, toneless singing and the throbbing loud music really gave it away.

Dean raised his fist to knock on the door I couldn't stand the silence anymore, so I grabbed Dean's wrist before he could knock and grabbed his attention. His skin felt so warm under my fingers, it felt good so good. Dean's eyes snapped to mine. He looked a little shocked and a bit angry, and I swear there was a denied flush on his face, but then again I wanted there to be so bad I probably imagined it, because lord knows how hot my face felt at just touching him.

"Are we okay Dean? I can't stand this, I want you back." Dean took back his hand and I hated the feeling it gave me in the pit of my stomach, I didn't want him to pull away from me, not ever.

"I'm right here Cas." He told me, our eyes still locked. I felt like crying, he was so close to me but he left a million miles away and it was all my fault. I looked away and stared at my feet, I felt both too ashamed to looked him in the eye and undeserving to see those beautiful soulful eyes, they were my favourite part of the boy standing next to me, the boy I was in lov, no. I couldn't even admit it to myself. What good would it do anyway. Not like I can do anything about it.

"You feel so far away." I mumbled, not sure if he heard me, not that it mattered because a second or so after the front door flung open.

"Guys! Come in come in." Meg shouted obviously already drunk and wearing next to nothing, she grabbed our arms and pulled us into her house. Her bright red top was tight and very low cut, and her black hot pants left very little to the imagination, slut. She hung off me in what I'm guessing was her attempted to be sexy. "Put any alcohol you have in the kitchen and help yourselves. And I'll be seeing you. Later." After a wink she strutted off well attempted to anyway.

"Do, do you want a drink?" I asked not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah." He answered with out looking at me he lead the way to the kitchen. We stayed there for about an hour, drinking and standing at the counter we barely spoke two words to each other, despite how awkward it was, I would still rather be by his side then anywhere else. Through the tension I heard Meg start screeching

"Game! Lets play a game!" this was followed by several of my drunken peers wooing and shouting in agreement. They gathered around the table and lined up the shots. "Cas, Dean. You two too." Meg slurred and dragged us to join them

I didn't really want to play but I did want to drown myself in my own made sorrows. I don't know what game we played, I really wasn't paying attention. I was either staring at Dean or lost in my own thoughts. I just know there were shots, a lot of shots.

By the time the game was over I was more than a little drunk, as was everyone else it seemed.

Dean got up and walked towards the kitchen counter and I wasted no time in following.

"Can we talk?"

"I'd rather drink." He told me as he took a slip of his drink and started to work past me. I couldn't handle this awkward tension between us anymore. So I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him through the patio door and into the garden. He didn't say anything 'til I pushed him against the outside wall. "Hey." He shot me an evil glare and I felt my heart sink, we had to have this out, if it meant getting punched so be it. It would be worth it if it meant not loosing Dean.

"I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry. Please stop brushing me off and ignoring me!"

"Hey, you kissed me. You're the one that's mind fucked me, so don't get all high and mighty on me!" he was really mad, not that I could blame him. But he didn't hit me, of which I was glad. We were in silence for a few beats and I stood next to him leaning against the wall, I made sure we didn't touch though that was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to smoke but I couldn't bring myself to move.

"I know. I'm sorry. It should never have happened."

"I don't get you! We've been dancing around each other for months now you're telling me that the kiss meant nothing. Sorry Cas but I don't buy it." I looked at Dean and there was no mistaking the water in his eyes, though he wasn't crying I don't think he let himself.

"I'm sor-"

"Don't. Don't you dare say you're sorry." We fell silent for a few minutes. I was staring at the starless sky, waiting for Dean to speak. Hoping he would speak. "Do you regret it?"

"Yeah." I mumbled as I continued to stare at the lack of stars. I could see Dean shift next to me, he hated my answer. I hated giving it, it sounded cruel and I didn't regret it, not one bit. The only thing I regret is pushing him away. "A part of me does, but the other part is screaming at me for being a dick, and to just wrap my arms around you and never let go."

"I don't. regret it." For the first time in what felt like forever I looked the boy in the eye. As my gaze fixed with his I felt a warm single tear fall down my cheek. I just let it fall. I couldn't just leave Dean like that. He derived the truth at least some of it.

"Dean. I wanted to kiss you since the moment I saw you but, it's not something I can allow. You deserve someone that will give you everything. It's not me. I'm not gay I can't afford to be." I couldn't resist and before I realised I had moved my hand had cupped Dean's cheek and I was stroking his hot soft skin with my thumb. "I'm sorry." I took my hand away and I knew 'sorry' meant nothing, it was a hollow over used word. But I did mean it, I hadn't meant any of this to happen. I hated to see what I have made Dean felt, pain. The tears were starting to well up in his eyes. He ran a hand over his face before croaking out,

"You can't just choose your sexuality. It's not a choice."

"Watch me." I told him before going back into the party, leaving Dean outside. I left horrible, I knew what I said was cruel and I didn't believe it one bit. I was gay I was always going to be gay, but silly things like that just didn't seem to matter anymore. Straight was what I had to be, so straight was what I was going to be.

I went straight to the kitchen and took some large shot sized mouthfuls of the vodka my dad gave me. I hated straight vodka it was like paint stripper but it was strong and I needed a drink.

I watched as Dean walked back into the house, I have no idea how long he was out there, at least ten minutes, I think. We caught each others eye; I looked away immediately and knocked back the bottle. My lips were tingerly and I had to lean on the counter so I didn't topple over, so I decided to put the bottle down for a while.

My soccer team mates found me after that and started to shout and jump on me when they did, it made me feel uncomfortable. They started the convocation with 'dude!' and kept hitting the top of each others bottle with the bottom of theirs, most of the time it didn't do anything but sometimes it made the beer over flow, which my team mates found hilarious. They talked around me, well shouted really. I simply stood and stared over to Dean, who's back was to me, I couldn't help checking out his ass. He was talking to someone about something. I didn't like the idea of not knowing what he was talking about, maybe he was flirting. Oh god I hated that idea, god! I'm such a hypocrite!

Dean turned around and my eyes snapped up from his ass to find him smirked, he knew what I was doing. So to rectify such a rookie, obvious mistake I stepped pout of the circle my team mates seemed to have formed around me and as Meg waltzed into the kitchen, I grabbed her by the wrist and kissed her. I could hear my team mates woo and cheer. We parted and she drunkenly whispered into my ear. I didn't like the idea, in fact I kind of made me sick but I nodded anyway.

Meg went of to have a quick chat with a friend and I made my way to the stairs.

As I got to the bottom of them Dean entered my personal space. He sounded desperate and demanding.

"Why? Why can't you be with me?"

"Because."

"Sorry Deanie but Cas and I were just going upstairs." Meg told him when she walked up to me and took my hand, she winked at Dean before leading me upstairs, my eyes glued to Dean's as I followed her.

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><p><strong>sorry I know it's not the happiest of endings lol next chapter up soon<strong>

**dont forget to review ;) xxx**


	33. Chapter 33

**Thanks for the reviews :) enjoy the chapter xxx**

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><p>Meg led me into her bedroom, I couldn't see it well because she left the light off, but I could tell it was a large, as was her bed. She shoved me down onto the bed and started kissing me; at the same she was making overly loud pornographic noises, I suspect she was trying to turn me on, all I could do was think about Dean, The drunken slut quickly started undoing my belt and knelt in between my legs and began sucking. It wasn't great but it was still a blow job. I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling, I came with Dean's name on my lips. When I opened my eyes I saw Dean standing at the door that was left open, his face was heart broken and cheeks tear stained. I don't think he really believed I would do it. But I did and I was looking at the result, Dean turned his heels and walked back down the hall.<p>

"I'll be right back." I told her as I stuffed my cock back in my pants before rushing out the room.

"Don't be long. Or I'll start without you." She shouted after me, I didn't answer and I didn't look back, I had no need to.

"Dean!" I shouted in a hushed whisper, Dean didn't stop in just walked straight down stairs. I ran to the top and shouted for him again but he walked into the crowd after shooting be a death glare that made my heart dropped.

I debated whether to run after him or not, but if I did. What would I say? What would I do? I gave a deep sigh, realising I was in too deep, I had made my bed and I had to sleep in it, well fuck in it.

So I made my way back to megs room, she was kneeling on her bed, hot pants were down her thighs and she was, well playing with her self. It took all my strength not to throw up. With out I word I took my cock out and roughly stroked it to get it hard. After putting the condom from my dad on I knelt behind her, she was on all fours and I pushed into her. She moaned oohed and awed with anyone else, say Dean I found have found it an unbelievably hot turn on but coming out of the lips of this harlot all I can think of is how much of a drunken whore she was, it was not sexy.

I grabbed her hair and shoved her head into the mattress, rough I know but she actually seemed to like it.

I was pounding into her as fast as I could, trying to get it over with. Then something happened, a figure appeared in the doorway. I was just about to stop when I saw it was Dean. He had a finger to his lips shushing me, before I knew what was happening he undone his pants and got his cock out. I could stop staring as he started to pump his own cock. It was so hot and I was so captivated that fucking Meg stared to feel good, it was the first time since I started that I was actually turned on. Megs face was deep into the mattress and my grip on her hair wasn't loosening up. Dean's strokes got faster and faster and all I could do was stare and moan at the gorgeous sight in front of me. He came over his hand and he moaned my name, not loud but I heard it. He then started to walk towards me only stopping when he was by my side. I couldn't resist it any longer I grabbed his hand and slid his come covered fingers into my mouth and whilst keeping eye contact with him I sucked, it felt so good, especially when his eyes darkened as he watched. I grabbed his collar with my free hand and pulled him into a clumsy, fierce, fiery kiss as I came. With that Dean did his jeans up and left with out a word. I pulled out of meg very thankful for the loud music and defending base, so loud that even from her bed room the walls vibrated and you could barely hear yourself speak so I was farley confident she hadn't noticed what just happened with Dean and I, if she did she didn't mention anything as she rolled onto her back panted from lack of breath, due to all her loud moaning and porn screaming.

"Wow" she breathed with a tired smile on her face. I quickly smiled back as I put myself away, threw the condom in the bin and then left the room leaving her on the bed to sort her self out.

I don't know what I was hoping for but I walked out of that room and all I wanted to see was Dean standing there waiting for me. He wasn't and I felt my heart break, I was stupid to think he would be, it wasn't fare on him it was cruel. I sighed and made my way to the stairs planning on going home.

Just as I walked past an open door to a dark room at the top of the stairs I was pulled into it, I had no time to react. Before I knew it the door had slammed and I was pushed up against it. It was then I looked up to see those familiar green eyes and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. We stood inches away from each other for a few seconds, breathing each others air, my eyes was on his lips, those lips. I couldn't take it I lunged forward and kissed him. Grabbed the sides of his face, he moaned as I kissed him which made me kiss harder, I felt his hands around my waist as he lent into me pinning me further into the door.

The kiss got hot and heavy pretty quickly, hands were groping and pulled clothes, teeth and tongue clashed as we moaned into each others mouths. I felt Dean's hands slide down my thighs, one hand ghosting over my erection before going further down along with the other one. Before I could click to what he was doing my legs were around his waist and arms pinned above my head and Dean was grinding into me. I finally broke the kiss took my hands back and started to kiss and gently bite his neck the sounds that came out of his mouth were delicious. My legs were dropped and I continued to pay my attention to his neck whilst cupped his perfect oh so perfect ass. After what must have been at least fifteen minutes of this drunken hungry make out, groping, dry humping session we were calming down. The kisses became more lazy, and if I dare to say more loving. When we finally stopped our foreheads rested together as we panted for air. One of his hands caressed my cheek and I loved the gentle gesture and the feeling it gave me.

"I, I love you." He whispered, oh fuck. My eyes shot open and I could feel myself tense.

"Don't." I whispered as I looked away from him, it's not what wanted to say but it was what I had to say. He gently moving my face back up with his hand.

"I love you." I shock my head and pushed him away.

"Don't. You hear, don't!" I yelled, I was terrified I was trying so hard to be good, but it was so hard.

"Why?" he crocked out, confused angry, I didn't blame him. "What's wrong with being in love?" I had no answer to that, people say all you need is love? Then why according to some does love land me in hell, land Dean in hell, no that can't happen he was too perfect to go to hell. "Why can't you be with me?" he asked gently but forcibly, he needed to know and I was cracking, I felt tears running down my cheeks, both sides of me were shouting at me what to do, so much I was feeling nauseous and spaced like I wasn't in the room. He took hold of my hands and stoked his thumbs over the back of my hands, without knowing it he, anchored me to the room, to him. "Castiel." He whispered before bringing my hands up and kissing both of them before lowered them and looking me in the eye. "Tell me." Oh god, I knew I really couldn't deny him anything not without it physically hurting to do so. And the idea of Dean in pain, hurting because of me, just the thought of it seemed to kill me.

"My, my father. He doesn't agree with homosexuality as a valid life path." I mumbled hardly believe the words were actually falling from my mouth in my quaking voice as I fought the tears.

"It may be a shock at first, but you're his son. I'm sure he'll get used to it." How wrong he was, I even laughed a dry humourless laugh.

"You're wrong." I looked him in the eye and I could see understanding and love in them, it's been forever since I saw that in someone. "He knows I'm gay. I made the mistake in telling him and he, he," I could say it, it was too hard. It would make it real. More tears fell and I felt even more like an idiot.

"It's okay." He reassured me before kissing the edge of each eye, making me smile a little. "What happened?"

"He put me in a programme."

"A programme?"

"Yeah, you know the ones that try to beat the gay out of you. Why do you think we moved? No one knows I used to be a queer here. My father blindly believes it worked and I'm straight. Even so, he still hates me. If I tell him the truth, I'll loose him forever. He's the only family I have left. I can't loose him Dean." I knew my voice was pathetic and whiny

"Cas? Where'd you go?" I heard Meg say from right behind the door, Dean put a finger to his lips but I thought it a useless gesture it wasn't like I was going to call her in for a chat. "I'm going back to the party come find me if you want round two." I grimaced at that, we stayed silent for a minute even though there was really no need too considering the music was still pounding through the house.

"Come on, let's get out of here. Come back to mine. We can talk." I nodded and after he planted a gentle soft kiss on my lips we left the room and house, leaving the party behind and walked in comfortable silence back to Dean's.

We were extra quiet when we entered Dean's place not wanting to wake anyone up. Dean led me into his room, and I sat on the bed and remembered when we settled down together and watched a film, he sat so close. I smiled at the memory it was nice.

"How you feeling?" he asked as he sat next to me and gently put a hand over mine.

"Sick."

"Did you drink too much?"

"No. I feel sick because I just fucked Meg." I shivered at the memory, all the horrible stuff I have done, that was a real low point in my life, not the worst thing I've done but it's up there. "The whole hetro sex thing creeps me out." I didn't expect Dean to chuckle quite like he did, it sounded like he genuinely found it funny he even put his other arm around me and place it in the small of my back, I leaned into his warmth.

"You're the one that said you could choose to be straight."

"It's not about believing I can be straight, it's about keeping up appearances."

"That's just wrong." I didn't answer that, because he was right it was.

"How are you feeling?"

"Drunk, confused, angry, frustrated."

"Sounds about right." I felt the same, how did I manage to get into this mess? We sat in silence for a while before moving to lye on the bed, Dean's arms wrapped around me and for the first time I felt at peace. And I know how cliché that is but I really did it was like everything made sense and what didn't, didn't matter.

"What do you want Cas? Forget appearances, forget your dad. What do _you_ want?" I moved out of the boy's embrace and turned to face him. What did I want?

"I want to be free to have what I want."

"Which is?"

"You" I told him before leaning in and gently capturing his lips with my own in a chaste lingering kiss. "And that." Dean smiled and stroked my cheek.

"So you want to be with me."

"Yeah." I nodded before going in for another kiss.

"Then be with me." He mumbled into the kiss, I had to make him understand. I sat up and tried again.

"Dean-" but I was interrupted but Dean who was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"I mean it, we could always. Hide it. Hide us" I turned to look at him, was he really suggesting what I think he was. "We could get you a beard." I looked at him for a moment, the only 'beard' I was aware of was facial hair, and I doubted would be talking about that right now, unless he thought growing a beard would make my dad think I'm more straight. I thought about it and came to the conclusion I was being an idiot.

"I don't understand."

"Get a girl to pretend to be your girl friend. So you can leave the house and come and see me." Dean flipped me onto my back and leaned over me talking into my ear. I am not ashamed to say I yelped a little at the sudden movement. "So when you go home with" he started giving me open mouthed kissed on my neck, making me shudder, it felt so fucking good. "Love marks on your neck." He bit me a little pulling the sensitive skin on my neck, I groaned at that. "And scratches down your back" at that he laid on my and put his hands under my shirt, I thought me was go scratch, I was kinda hoping for it. He didn't but he did pull me closer and went back to my neck. "You'll, have, an, explanation." I could hear the amusement in his voice so I knew he knew what it was doing to me, he was so hot and it was really turning me on. I ran my hand through his hair trying to pull him closer, though I doubt that was possible. I was groaning and bucking my hips up to create some really much needed friction. He stopped what he was doing and came to hover over me, lips cm's apart.

"You're, you're teasing me." I told him, I was to the point where I had almost forgotten about his suggestion for a beard I just wanted him. Then the bastard smirked and laid down next to me and nuzzled into my side and started to freaking cuddle me! So not fare considering all I wanted to do was pin him down but he looked so cute lying in my arms. So I was left hard as hell trying to remember what he had said.

"You think that would work?" I asked whilst running my hand through his soft hair, after I had calmed down

"Why not?"

"Who would we get to be my 'girl friend'?" I asked not completely sold on the idea but it seemed the best one yet, I guessed it could work. I looked down and saw Dean has his thinking face on, it was so cute, not that I was going to tell Dean that, I doubt he would appreciate it.

"Jo."

"Jo?" Not a good idea I thought, really not a good idea.

"Yeah, she'll be cool with it." I couldn't help but disagree most strongly with his view. I mean I wouldn't like to pretend to be Jo's boyfriend so she could be with Dean, I think that would kill me.

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Why? I thought you liked Jo."

"I do, but you know she likes you right? It'll be weird for her."

"Yeah I know." "But we've already had the; 'you're like a sister to me, oh and I like dick' talk. So she knows the score." I couldn't help laugh a little at that didn't mean I liked the idea any more, but it did seem the only way I would be able to see Dean.

"Doesn't mean she won't be crushed."

"We don't have another option Cas." Dean got up and looked me in the eye, he did look sympathetic, I mean he did love Jo they were s close I knew he wouldn't want to cause her any harm. I smiled back and kissed him on the cheek.

"I know."

"Is that a yes?" Dean asked eyes lightening up and his smile grew wide.

"Yes." I told him through a chuckle as I took in his adorable face.

I swear I actually heard him squeal after I answered though I knew he would deny it. However before I could register it Dean had already leapt on me, causing both of us to fall onto the fall. Not that that stopped our sudden heated make out session. We rolled on the floor, until my hands started to snake down his body and were rapidly attacking hi flies. I started to pump his cock. It was already very hard and very large might I add. He was groaning quiet loudly which just spurned me on more.

Now I pictured that us on the floor grabbing, kissing and biting each other as I grinded against his leg and I jerked him off and Dean moaned my name, was going to end in a way that wasn't Sam swinging the door open with a scream to go with it.

"Dean, what the hell are you-"

"Sam!" I shouted back in surprise and tried to push Dean of who was just as shocked as me.

"Get out Sammy." He told him as he tried to shuffle of me whilst not letting his little brother see his cock. Sam was not about to argue and immediately shut the door and left. I was lying on the floor propped up on my elbows, eyes wide in shock and panic that our secret had got out before it had properly began. Dean on the other had was laughing through his embarrassment.

"Shouldn't you, go after him." I told him as I sat up.

"No, I should stay with you." He told me and he tried to lend in and kiss me I leaned back to stop him and started to do his jeans back up, trying not to look him in the eye. I knew if I did I would just ripped his pants off and right now that wasn't a good decision.

"I would love that, but you should still,"

"I know I know." He said before giving me and quick, loving kiss and he got up and left the room.

I decided to get off the floor considering the fall hurt my back a mattress would feel better at that moment.

I laid on the covers hands behind my head and waited. Before long the open slowly and quietly opened.

"How'd it go?" I asked a little nervous for the answer.

"He was freaking out at first, but more about walking in on us rather then us." Dean told me scratching his head, I couldn't stop smiling I was so relieved. "He didn't seem that surprised." I was a little concerned that he wasn't surprised we were together I didn't think it was that obvious.

"Good. Dean?" I asked suddenly a little nervous.

"hmm."

"can? Can you hold me?" I loved the smile that spread across his face and climbed into bed and kissed my forehead.

"come here." He whispered and got under the covers with him and settled into his arms. We laid there, I'm not sure when or if he feel asleep before me, but I spent a long time just listening to him breathe as I was cocooned in his warmth.

"I love you too." I told him before I fell into a peaceful sleep, I'm not sure if he heard me or not.

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><p><strong>Better ending lol :D please review xxx<strong>


	34. Author's note

_**To my readers;**_

_**I would like to apologise for the fact that there will no longer be any more updates for this story.**_

_**I love writing and I love all of you; however I will no longer be around to continue to write. I have been struggling for a while and it's all become too much.**_

_**I am really sorry.**_

_**I have really enjoyed writing for you and I hope you have enjoyed reading my stories.**_

_**I guess I'll see you all on the flipside.**_

_**Live well. Be happy : )**_

_**Good bless**_

_**Nutmeg17**_

_**xxxx**_


	35. Chapter 35

**Heya :) this chapter was originally longer but I wanted it up as soon as possible so I put up the ready part. The next part should be up tomorrow, it is half written.**

**Anyway please enjoy :P xx**

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><p>I woke up in the arms of the most beautiful boy I have ever known; gorgeous inside and out, everything he is I am deeply in love with. Put simply Dean is perfect.<p>

I am not a morning person but I woke up the happiest I have been in the longest time.

I watched him sleeping and listened to him breathe; when he started to stir I began peppering his cheeks and neck with soft butterfly kisses. He woke up with a smile on his face. It was perfection.

"Good morning Dean." I greeted him as I rested my head on his chest looking him in his stunning deep eyes of his, that always make my stomach drop. He smiled at me and stroked my cheek with his hand, the soft contact gave me goosebumps and I couldn't stop smiling.

"Morning beautiful." He croaked out, I smiled at his words but couldn't help rolling my eyes and looking away.

"Hardly, I know what I look like in the morning."

"Shut up. You're beautiful. Don't bother arguing because I'm right." He told me as he spun m onto my back and started t kiss my neck, I would have loved him to carry on, but my stomach churned and I felt incredibly sick and had to push him off of me.

"Oh don't lay on me, my stomach."

"Serves you right for drinking so much." He teased as he gently ran his fingers up and down my stomach.

"Shut up." To told him, though couldn't have sounded less mad if I tried, I was so happy that I woke up next to the warm body of the guy loved. I felt that it was right, it made sense and if I wasn't for my freaking hangover that was threatening to make my head explode I couldn't have been happier. We laid in silence for a while, Dean pecking kisses over my neck and cheeks. He didn't kiss my lips again as I complained about his morning breath, he laughed but was a little embarrassed, so much romance in our secret affair isn't there?

"You want some breakfast?" he asked smiling at me; I probably looked as bad as I felt if Dean was willing to get me breakfast in bed.

"Please."

"Toast, cereal?"

"Toast please." He nodded and stood up putting his jeans on from last night, I guess it was because the martial was more restricting so it hid his morning boner better.

"Anything to drink?"

"Tea?"

"Such an old woman." I laughed giving me a kiss before going to the door. "I'll be right back."

"Don't be long." I called back before he disappeared behind the dark wooden door. I instantly wanted him back but I couldn't stop smiling, I was half naked in Dean's bed, my best friend and he loves me. If I didn't feel like I was going to be sick I probably would have felt like bursting into song.

I laid back, hands under my head and I stared at the ceiling, I honestly couldn't get the smile of my face, it was an unusual feeling but I could really get used to it.

"Dean, its getting late, get your sorry ass out of- Cas?" Dean's dad stood at the door way with his mouth open in shook.

"Sir!" I yelped as he strolled in, I pulled the covers up to hid my chest and the few marks Dean had left, I didn't know where to look or what to say, I felt ready to cry.

He walked towards me a little and my stomach dropped, I thought he was going to hit me or something. "I err, Dean he, I." I covered my face that I am sure had gone completely red, I could feel tears start to sting and swell up in my eyes.

"Get used to breakfast in bed baby" my head snapped up instantly when I heard Dean almost sing as he waltzed through the door holing a mug and a plate. His eyes instantly fell to his still silent father. "Dad!" he shouted in shook as his gaze flew between me and his dad.

"Something you wanna tell me!" he almost shouted, Dean's mouth opened and closed a few times, I caught his eye and silently pleaded him to speak, to lye, to do anything. I was ready for the ground to open up and swallow me, in fact I was praying for it.

"Well, Cas here, he was drunk from the party and well, I let him, he came." Dean mumbled tripping over his words and his father was certainly not convinced or impressed.

"When you're ready to tell me the truth, I'll be downstairs." He spoke calmly walking towards his son. "I want to see both of you down there, as soon as you're both dressed." With that he walked out and closed the door.

"I knew it. I knew this was a bad idea!" I almost shouted, I was shaking and could no longer hold back the tears as one escaped down my left cheek.

"Hey Cas listen it'll be okay." Dean said quickly putting the plate and tea on the floor before climbing on the bed and enveloping his arms around me, it felt so good. I couldn't believe it was all over before it began.

"No it won't he'll tell my dad, my dad will chuck me out and my life will be over!" I shouted against his neck, desperate not to let Dean let me go.

"Your dad won't do that." He whispered to me, stroking my hair. I wish more than anything his comforting words had any meaning or truth behind them, unfortunately they didn't. If my dad found out about Dean, getting thrown out would be one of my last concerns.

"You don't know him Dean. Please, I can loose my dad." On a lot of levels I do hate my dad, everything he's put me through but like I said; I can't lose him, he's my family. The only one left. He'll always be my dad, and I love him I really do.

"It will be okay, my dad might not tell yours." I pushed away from Dean and look him in the eye.

"As soon as I give in it all falls apart. I was handling it fine, I was fine. Now! Now it's over." I shouted at him, he didn't deserve to be shouted at, but I was so angry at myself for this. Unfortunately I was also angry at Dean for what he has done to me. He made me love him and now it will all fall apart. I was fine with playing it straight, fine with it then I could have a quiet life and get to graduation with my dad still recognising he I was his son and now that's all gone.

"Cas don't be dramatic it will be fine." I could hardly believe Dean had came out with those words. I pushed myself off the bed, and this time I really did shout. I needed too, things had to be said and Dean needed to hear them and understand them and by god I needed to shout, let it all out.

"I am NOT being dramatic Dean! When I told my dad I was gay he shipped me off to hell, to be fixed, 'cleansed' like I was diseased! Even now my dad can barely stand to be around me or look me in the eye! He hates me, Dean don't you understand that! My only family left hates me and it's killing me! I tried so hard to be straight for him, to make him happy, and you come along, and bam! I want you as soon as I see you, I restrain myself then some where along the line I fall in love with you! And I can't do it anymore; I can't do any of it. You have a family Dean, a mum and dad, brother, sister. My mum was taken from me and I near enough killed my own twin, the only father figure I have ever had was my uncle and he died too! I am left with one person to call family, one person and he would rather me be dead then admit to having a fag as a son!" I was out of breath, hands shaking and vision blurred from all the tears, I think Dean was crying too but I couldn't be sure, he leapt off of the bed when I had finished and pulled me into a tight hug, I held onto him like my life depended on it.

"Shhh, I promise you I will make it better."

"How?" I choked out, he moved me back so he could she me face, he gently stroked my tears away, kissed the tip of my nose, looked me in the eye and spoke to me gently, believing every word he said.

"Because I love you and I will always be here, okay." I believed him and I couldn't not smile. "If my dad tells your dad and he dares to kick you out, you will move in here." I couldn't believe what I was hearing; I dare say the thought of living with Dean, waking up everyday next to Dean I almost wished dad throw me out, almost. "If both our families kick us out, we'll simply crash at a friend's until we can find a flat." He ran a hand through my hair, my eyes fluttered closed as his gentle touch gave me goosebumps. "And you are not alone. You have me. I'm your family Cas. And I will never let anything hurt you." He kissed each cheek and my forehead, before gently claiming my lips in a sweet chaste kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." I told him before Dean held me close in anther hug, we stayed that way for a few minutes, my eyes slowly dried and I felt a little less terrified about going downstairs to be faced with Dean's father, though I still felt sick to my stomach.

"Come on we should get dressed."

"Yes." I told him before he parted fingers lingering interlaced together when we parted, I didn't want to let go but I needed to put my shirt on. "Can you pass me the toast I'm starved." Dean smiled as he handed me the toast. "Thank you." I told him food feeling good filling my uneasy stomach. "Oi." I teased as Dean leaned over and took a bite; he winked at me and my heart fluttered, god he looked so sexy.

He moved towards the door before looking back at me, he was starting to look uneasy himself. Of course he was, he spent all this time reassuring me and I should have been looking after him. His dad had just caught a boy half naked in his bed, at least my dad didn't find out about me but walking in on me, though there were some close calls.

I walked to him and tried to smile to reassure him, talking his hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Ready?" I asked trying to seem at least a little confident for him.

"Never." He told me with a lop sided smiled. I kissed the back of Dean's hand, befor ewe both took a deep breath and we left the sanctuary of Dean's room and headed to the stairs.

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><p><strong>Please, please review :P xxx<strong>


	36. Chapter 36

**Sorry about not uploading yesterday, ending up going out with a friend lol, plus I found this fanfic, that completely grabbed my attention I couldn't pull my self away, I suggest you all should go read it too :D its called; where you belong. By; sidewayscope- there's also a sequel which I have just started lol **

**Anyway sorry if there are any grammar or spelling mishaps.**

**Please enjoy the chapter xxx **

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><p>We made our way downstairs slowly, when we reached the foot of the stairs both Dean's mum and dad stood up, our entwined fingers let go of the each other's and our hands fell to our sides, Dean stared at the floor, I didn't want to catch anyone's eye. I had no idea what was going t happen. I was accepting shouting maybe a few swings in my directing, but I was prepared for it I wasn't going to runaway and leave Dean alone. I could never leave Dean's side.<p>

"Ah boys, sit down." John told us and we made our way to the sofa Dean's parent's remaining standing.

"Dean, I think your father and I should have a chat with you and Cas."

"I'm sorry." I blurted out, I couldn't help my self.

"For what Cas?" Mrs Winchester asked a soft tone to her voice, which just put me even more on edge. When I began to speak I simply couldn't fight back the tears.

"For everything, I'm so, so sorry Mr and Mrs Winchester. Please, sorry." I felt Dean take my hand, I knew he didn't want to do anything too big in front of his parents, so I was very grateful for the soft contact of skin, and his soothingly touch.

"Oh my dear, come here." Nikki then walked towards me and to my surprised wrapped her arms around me. I was shocked but hugged back with my free arm. "It's alright." She kept saying rubbing my back.

"Dean." I heard john say, I was surprised when he didn't let go of my hand, in fact he tightened his grip and I squeezed back trying to give support, though at this point I was still sopping into Nikki's neck.

"Yes dad?" he asked voice a little shaky, I closed my eyes and listened t them speak I didn't want to watch the scene before me, even though my face was still hidden in Nikki's embrace I still felt the urge to close my eyes.

"Something you wanna tell me?" there was a silence between them for a few beats, and my breath caught in my throat. What was he going to say? Blame me? Deny it? Though it was stupid of my to doubt the gorgeous by, after a small nervous laugh he spoke fast.

"I'm gay, and in love with my best friend." his hold of my hand getting a little painful but I gripped it back I would never let g.

"Thank you for telling me." I fell silent at hearing that, my heavy breaths stopped dead, what did he just say? Surly I had misheard.

"Look at me, it's alright." Nikki told me with a soft smile.

"I don't understand."

"Neither do I. how come you're both so nonchalant about this." Dean said looking from parent to parent.

"Sweetie we've hand our suspicions for a while." Nikki said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, my mouth fell open upon hearing her words.

"What?" Dean asked, completely taken back at her words.

"When Cas first came Nikki saw straight away, took me a little longer, not as long as you're two though." John smiled at his shocked open mouthed frozen son and turned to me. "So Cas, I have one thing to ask you."

"Yes sir?" I asked voice shaky and heart in my throat.

"What are your intentions with my eldest son?"

"I don't understand." I said again, out of everything I was expecting when Dean and I walked down the stairs this was the last thing I was expecting, it unnerved me. I was waiting for the punch line, literally. Waiting for the shouting and disowning to begin.

"Well if you two are dating I want to know Dean's heart won't get broken."

"Never." I instantly told him, even before his words had sunken in.

"Then that's all I need to know."

"Oh dad!" Dean said lunging from the sofa to give his dad a hug; he then looked to Nikki after a moment he smiled at her, "Mum." They shared a hug, and I am pretty sure Nikki had a tear in her eye upon hearing Dean call her mum for probably the first time. "I love you both." Dean told them before sitting back down and taking my hand again, this time more confidently, putting my hand on his lap and holding it with both hands.

"Castiel?" Nikki said getting both Dean and my attention's, she crouched by the end of the sofa and put her elbows n the arm and hand my free hand.

"Yes Mrs Winchester?"

"Nikki, please. I want you to know that John heard what you said to Dean about your family. It's not true, you have us. You always will my darling. You're never alone."

"Thank you, both. I don't know what to say." And I really didn't, it was all too much it was like something from a film, it was amazing.

"Guys? Can you keep this quiet? And don't tell Cas' dad?" I was s thankful Dean asked that because I had completely forgotten in all the excitement.

"Sure. But you can't hide forever." John told us as he put an arm around his wife who had got to her feet and stood next to her husband.

"Just until the end of high school and I can be out from under my dad's roof."

"If you ever get tired of pretending and decide to be honest with him. You can always stay here, if it gets that far. But he is your father and he loves you."

"Nikki." I heard Dean say under his breath, I guess he was trying to stop her talking and I was touched by Dean effort.

"I am sure you are right Mrs, erm, Nikki. But his love is not stronger than his anger and hatred unfortunately."

"But Cas," she started to argue, I really didn't want to get into this but she was Dean's mum I could hardly refuse to answer.

"Nikki." Dean said again, I could see out the corner of my eye he was shaking his head. At that point john piped in and started talking; probably taking the hint Dean was getting at.

"Right well, I am taking Nikki out for a spot of lunch, you two are welcome to come with us."

"No thank you dad, we have a few things to sort out." Dean said, I caught his eye and we shared a smile, a smile which still gives me butterflies.

"Very well, love you boy's, we'll see you in a few hours." Nikki said as she fetched her jacket. John leaned in to Dean and whispered what I think was something along the lines of;

"Have fun. Sam and Annie are due back in an hour."

"Thanks dad." Dean smiled and we watched john and Nikki make their way to the front door.

"bye." Nikki called over her shoulder.

"bye." Dean replayed and then the door shut and we were alone. My gaze was glued straight ahead. "You okay Cas? You look pale?"

"I'm not sure what just happened." I answered eyes still frozen ahead, mind trying to make sense of it all. Dean gently put a hand on my chin and moved me face so it faced his, my gaze didn't moved so it was going over his shoulder.

"Basically we came out to my parents, they accepted it, are willing to keep it a secret, given you a place to stay if your dad does find out, and have given us a free house for an hour."

"Either I'm dreaming, hallucinating from the pain of my hangover, or I'm still drunk and what actually happened was a huge argument I choose not to register it."

"Cas, look at me." Dean said caressing my cheek with one hand, and lifting my hand to his lips with the other. He kissed my knuckles and my gazed fluttered to his deep green eyes. "Good things do happen." He almost whispered, I was silent for a few beats of silence before I smiled, but not a happy one more a defeated smile.

"Not in my experience."

"Well they do now." He told me with such certainty how could I argue, he leaned forward and we kissed gently, lips moving against each others rhythmically.

"Did you say something about a free house?" I asked when we parted for air. Dean chuckled a little before nodding and he lunged forward, this time more passionately, pushing me to my back as he laid on me. "Wait, wait we should get hold of Jo." I said trying to push him off, I desperately didn't want this to end but I wanted many more times like this, I needed there to be and Jo was the key to that.

"Was going to tell you over breakfast, I phoned her when I was in the kitchen, he's agreed." He was out of breath but each word sang to me, I beamed a huge smile I couldn't contain it.

"That's wonderful!" I shouted and threw my arms around him, our eyes meant once more and our eye were flicking from eyes to lips, we both started to lean in when the door opened and we jumped apart.

"Sam! What are you doing back?" Dean demanded, I guess he didn't like being cock blocked.

"Annie wanted to come home." Sam said simply, before his eyes landed on me. "Oh hi Cas."

"Hi." I said back it was only a little awkward, considering the last time we had saw each other was last night when he had walked in on me and Dean in a rather compromising position.

"Cassie!" Annie shouted from Sam's arms who put her down and she ran to me and climbed onto my lap.

"Hey Annie." I told her before giving her a kiss on the forehead. She waved to Dean as he got up who also gave Annie a kiss of the head, and well as me, that made my head go all fuzzy. Dean went to have a word with Sam as Annie started to talk to me, sounding rather excited.

"Sammy said we can watch the little mermaid, you watch it too!"

"Would love too."

"Yay!" she clapped her hands and bounced a little in excitement.

"Cas you want to join me in the kitchen, to get some drinks." Dean said, I nodded and placed Annie on the sofa before following Dean to the kitchen. As soon as he got into the kitchen our lips connected in a wild passionate kiss.

"You taste minty fresh." I teased when we parted for air.

"Well I couldn't have my boyfriend be pissy about morning breath could I? I nipped to the bathroom before going downstairs. Before getting caught by dad." I laughed a little at the memory, though that word was at the forefront of my mind, _'boyfriend.'_ We hadn't said that, though it made sense, we had say the L word though boyfriend sounds final and certain, I loved it.

"Boyfriend?" I asked with a smile spread wide across my face.

"That a problem?" Dean asked as he wrapped his arms around me, looping his fingers through my belt loops on my jeans.

"I think it's the most wonderful thing I have ever heard." I told him, Dean scoffed at that I felt a little embarrassed though the sound Dean made was somewhat beautiful.

"Drama queen." Dean said, I played along and pretended to be hurt, pouted as I looked into his eyes. Dean's green orbs lowered to my lips and a smirk spread across his lips, he leant in and spoke in a quiet and what sounding like a lustful voice. "Look at that lip." Right before sucking it between his lips and gently catching it between his teeth coursing me to moan.

"I thought you said they would be out for another hour?" I know I whined but by god, what this boy was doing to me, I was incredibly turned on.

"Annie wanted to come home." Dean said in an apologetic manner, though of course it wasn't anyone's fault.

"Shame." I said as I gave Dean's neck a soft swipe of my tongue, making his groan quietly

"Yeah." He croaked out. We looked at each other, hands running over each others bodies; Dean started to lean in when we heard Sam shout from the other room.

"Guys, the movies started." Dean left his head drop down onto my shoulder for a few seconds of deep breathes before moving it up again.

"You fancy watching a red head mermaid lust over some human prince?"

"You smooth talker you."

"Damn right." He joked with a wink before we got a juice box for Annie, orange juice of Sam and me and Dean grabbed himself a coke. We went back to the living room hand in hand.

Sam and Annie sat on the sofa, Sam reading over his school notes and Annie swinging her legs and completely engrossed in the film. Dean and I sat on the floor leaning against the sofa, Dean's arm was around my shoulders and I leaned my head gently on his chest, I was so relaxed. I have to admit Disney is a guilty pleasure, I mean who doesn't like Disney?

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><p>After the end of the film, Dean and I made our way back t Dean's room and re-settled on this bed. We were both desperate to feel each other be with each other though we both decided that we didn't feel comfortable with it when Annie was downstairs and awake.<p>

So instead we put on Indiana Jones and laid in each other's arms. It was wonderful; the feel of Dean's fingers running through my hair was incredibly calming. We laid in silence; I spent a lot of the time swirling patterns with my fingers over his chest and peppering him with kisses. We watched raiders and Dean brought up food for when we watched temple of doom, heated up pepperoni pizza and warm apple pie, gorgeous. As we ate and watched the rest of the second film we talked about this and that, about nothing and everything at the same time. Some hw we ended up in a passionate make out session, but some how we managed to restrain ourselves and calm down, due to our previous decision to keep it pg13 while Annie and Sam we in the house, we at least awake.

After Dean took our plates down and brought up some cans of Pepsi max, before putting in the last crusade and climbing back into the bed and wrapped his arms around me.

"Cas."

"Hmm?" I asked, in hindsight I should have been anxious about this convocation, but as they say ignorance is bliss as is being with Dean so I was too relaxed t recognised the serious undertone to his voice.

"I've been thinking." I scoffed at that, Dean did seem to walk into these things sometimes.

"First time for everything." Dean looked at me, mouth open in fake shock holding his heart.

"Sometimes you can quite mean." He pouted, I rolled my eyes before deciding to join in, Dean was just too cute not too.

"Oh I'm sorry baby." I mused and pouted back, smirk plastered all over Dean face and he curled up to be, chin on my chest and we looked me in the eye.

"Not good enough baby, I think my heart just broke." I carded my hand through his hair before I spoke with a fake melodramatic sigh.

"Such a drama queen." Before I knew it Dean had me on my back, straddling my shoving his fingers into my ribs and sides, making me squirm and roar with laughter. "Stop, stop!" I begged unable to stop laughing long enough to even attempt to sound serious. "Please!" I screamed. "Oh, no please." I couldn't muster up any strength to stop him, I was helpless all I could do was pray from mercy, but it didn't look likely considered the bastard had a stupid smirk on his face.

"Tell me you love me!" he almost sang as he tickled me even more.

"Never!" I shouted, refused to give in, at that moment I didn't love him, I hated him. No that's a lye I loved him, always will, doesn't change the fact the twat was tickling me and I wanted him to freaking stop.

"Say it, say it!" Dean was now laughing his ass off.

"Ah!" I shouted again, I had no energy left, tears were streaming and all the laughter was starting to give me hiccups, I had no choice but too surrender. "I love you! I love you please, stop!" Dean tell me go, he was still straddling me and staring down at me as I was coming down from my giggles.

"And I love you too." he said a matter of factly before leaning down to capture my lips. When we had both calmed down and this time I had Dean in my arms, the mood changed a little as I felt Dean tense a little out of nerves, after back tracking I remember Dean had a question, suddenly nervous I spoke, knowing it had to be down.

"What were you going to say before we got sidetracked?"

"Oh, erm. I was wondering what you meant earlier?"

"When?" I asked trying to make my voice sound up beat and normal, which just made me sound fake; my voice isn't really normally up-beat anyway.

"What you said about your twin."

"Oh." I whispered out, tensing up completely and immediately.

"You said-"

"I know what I said." I interrupted him; I really didn't want this convocation. I couldn't, I haven't spoken about it not really, but I shouldn't have spoken to Dean so rudely though. "Sorry. I, I don't want to talk about it."

"Has it got something to do with that scar?" he asked running a hand over my heart, scar and jimmy tattoo. "Cas," he continued when I didn't speak, a lump was caught in my throat I found it near impossible to speak at that moment, so after opening my mouth and closing it many times trying to speak, I managed to get the words out, they were faint and croaky but I still said them..

"Please Dean, I can't. I want to, but it's hard." I buried my face in Dean's hair as I mumbled the rest. "I promise you, I will tell you but I just can't yet."

"It's okay. Tell me when you're ready." Dean told me after scrambling to seating position and held my cheeks, stroking them with his thumbs. He kissed me softly before gently pulling me into his arms; my body instantly relaxed being pressing up against Dean's own. "Can you just tell me one thing?" I could tell he was worried about asking, I was too even more about answering but I nodded. "Did you, you didn't kill Jimmy did you?"

"Do you think I did?" I asked not looking up to see his eyes.

"No, I don't think you're capable, but you said you did."

"No, not literally but it was my fault." That part was true, I blame my for Jimmy's death completely, I did then, do now and every day in-between as does my father.

"Tell me." He gently spoke and I did want to I did. I didn't want secrets between us. "I can't, one day Dean." I know I'm going to be spending my life with Dean, so I know I can completely trust him and I do, I am certain given a little time I will share my secrets with him, just like I am certain Dean will wait for them, give me as much time as I need, just one reason why I love him.

"Okay. Just remember that I love you, and I'll always be here to listen."

"Thank you. That means everything to me Dean. I love you too, so much."

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><p><strong>Sometimes I write nice dads, sometimes lol . <strong>

**Hope you enjoyed it :D**

**OMG! Hope every one has seen 7.17! :O I loved it cannot wait for next week. **

**I actually got goosebumps when Cas looked up his porch steps to Dean for the first time, capturing his face and eyes :P Okay yes I know I am a freak but come on its Castiel! **

**!HE'S BACK! :D and if he hasn't redeemed himself to Dean through what he did in this ep then Dean's an idiot and doesn't deserve a gorgeous bass ass nerd angel boyfriend that is Cas, luckily for our hunter his angel loves him and will stay with him no matter what. Okay I have mentioned I'm a freak right, I need to get out more I am practically living and breathing Dean/Cas lately, and I am most certainly dreaming about it LOL ;D**

**Anyway sorry about my rant :) please review xxx**


	37. Chapter 37

**Heya :D sorry for the gap in updates up I have a TON of work to do, but because a friend of mine wanted an update I decided to do so, and because I love her I made it longer and added some smut, well a lot of smut. **

**nityab I officaly dedicate this chapter to you, happy reading haha :P**

**This chapter leads on straight from the other one.**

**Enjoy! :D**

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><p>When it reached late afternoon, both Dean and my lips were swollen and sore, there was a huge dark mark on my neck for all to see, as well as slight bruising in the shape of teeth marks over my chest. Dean on the other hand had deep red scratch marks down his back and several hickeys over his chest. We were lying shirtless in each others arms, when there was a knock on Dean's bedroom door. We looked to each other before Dean jumped from the bed, shoved on a discarded t-shirt and opened the door.<p>

"Heya Dean, brought you boys up from juice."

"Thanks Nikki." Dean said taking the glasses and setting them down in the bedside table.

"Would Cas like to stay for dinner?" she asked stepping into the room a little, Dean flushed red as she saw me sitting upright in bed shirtless and covering in love bits.

"Erm, Cas?" Nikki asked trying to sound neutral.

"Oh, no thank you Nikki. I should really be heading home." I told her with an embarrassed smile not really looking her in the eye.

"I guess I'll be seeing you soon then." She said before turning and leaving the room.

Dean turned from the now closed door and looked at me, we stared at each other for a moment before we both started to laugh. Dean climbed back into bed and pulled me one him so I was half straddling and half laying on him. He held his hands around my waist and started to kiss my chest. I had my hands either side of Dean's head keeping myself upright.

"You don't have to go do you?" he asked swiping his tongue over one of my nipple, fuck his tongue feels so good.

"Afraid so." I whispered really not wanting to go but I knew I had too.

"No, no, no, no." he told me and he flipped me over onto my back and crushed our lips together so I couldn't speak, when he finally broke, I could feel his erection and I knew I had one too, but I also knew I had to go. Fuck! I groaned as he started attacking my nipples with his tongue, oh god, oh god!

"Yes Dean. You'll survive with out me for a bit." I told him pushing him away gently. Dean sighed and dropped his head on my shoulder.

"Fine." He said getting off and sitting beside me instead. He put an arm around me and he sat there for a while my head on his shoulder and his head on mine. After a while I got up and put my shirt on, I really didn't want to leave this room.

"I'll see you at church tomorrow?" Dean asked sounding really hopeful as he scooted across the bed and sat on the edge of it in front of me, loosely holding my hand. I stroked my hand through his hair.

"I probably won't speak to you though, don't want to give anything away to my dad." Upon hearing this Dean stuck out his lower lip and pouted, it was extremely cute; even though he looked adorable I still wanted to bite his lower lip.

"That's just mean, how am I supposed to see you but no be allowed to touch you, kiss you or even speak to you." I grabbed the sides of his face and crushed our lips together or a quick and full passionate.

"I'll make it up to you on Monday." I mumbled against his lips.

"Promises, promises." He answered as he kissed me again. We shared a loving hug, the feeling his warm arms wrapped around me gave me was crazy, my heart felt like it just might explode.

"Bye baby, I love you." I told his after I one last kiss as I made my way to his door.

"I love you too, I'll be thinking of you." He called back, I looked back he looked so beautiful half naked on the bed, I was really a huge fool walking away from this so I could so home.

To say my dad was happy when I told him about my 'girlfriend' is like saying Hitler was a little mean! I've seldom seen him so cheery and relaxed. It was weird, freaked me out, like seriously. He even cooked dinner and dad never cooks.

He spent the rest of the night engaged me in convosation, snowballing me with questions about Jo, he didn't even object when a film came on the TV that I wanted to watch, and considering that film was 'When Harry met Sally' I honestly started to feel like I was in the twilight zone.

I made my way to bed after the film ended, I was happy dad was happy, but I was also rather offended, because he apparently now believes in my cure, I'm fixed , I am no longer evil, I'm not longer a freak of nature, yippee. Go me.

That night my head was full of thoughts and memories of Dean. As if the love of my life reads my mind the phone he brought me started to ring and he Dean flashed on the screen. With a huge grin I answered the phone,

"_Hi baby."_

"_Hey."_

"_Is everything alright?"_

"_Yeah, its fine"_

"_Cas, you can't lye to me."_

"_Dad wants to meet Jo."_

"_Well, it had to happened sooner or later."_

"_I guess."_

"_Cas, it'll be fine."_

"_You think?"_

"_Yeah, Jo's a good actress, don't worry she'll play along. Trust me."_

"_I trust you."_

"_Good."_

"_How did you call?"_

"_No reason just wanted to hear your voice."_

"_You are so gay."_

"_Yeah well, just as long as your with me."_

"_I'll always be with you."  
>"You better be."<em>

"_I better go, got homework to do."_

"_Okay then, I'll see you tomorrow."_

"_Okay, night. I love you."_

"_I love you too baby."_

My worries were pushed to the back of my mind and replaced by the soothing memory of Dean's voice and his loving words, for the rest of the night I had an irremovable smile on my face.

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><p>The next morning was church time, when me and dad walked into the building the first thing I saw was Dean and his family and I huge smile appeared on my face my dad saw this and surprisingly he was cool with it and asked if I wanted to sit with my friend. I told him no even though I really did as I knew I would probably give something away and I couldn't let that happen, so instead me and dad sat a few pews in front.<p>

After the service, which I hate to admit church has been getting more and more boring the older I get but dad would kill me if I didn't go. Anyway after the service we made our way back to the car. It must have been fate or maybe god hated me because the Winchesters car was opposite ours and they were all standing around it talking.

When Annie saw me she started struggling in Sam's arms until he put her down and he instantly ran towards me, I momentary forgot about dad because I scooped her into my arms and gave her a kiss of the head and listened to her chat about church.

"Hi Cas, this your dad?" Nikki asked and my face flushed a little I knew Nikki was trying to get to know dad so she could convince me and Dean to come out, oh Dean hmmm he looked so good in a suit, focus! I nodded and the women turned to my dad and held out her hand. "Nice to meet you Mr Novak, I've heard, lovely things I'm Nikki."

"Pleasure to meet you." Dad answered shaking her hand. John stepped forward and did the same action as his wife.

"Hey, I'm John your name is?"

"Just call me Mr Novak." He told john shaking his hand and puffing his chest out to make himself look taller and larger. I could tell john noticed this but he didn't notice this and kept things present, which is more than I can say more my dad. All the while my eyes were focus on Dean's, he had a small smirk on his face, I could tell what he was thinking and by god I was thinking the same thing.

"Sure. Cas here is a natural with kids, never seen Annie click with a non family member so quickly before."

"Yeah well, come on Castiel. Home."

"Okay." I told him, thankful dad brought me out of my staring as Dean had just dragged his eyes up and down my body and I have to say I almost lost it. I turned to the little girl in my arms and tried to lower her to the floor. "You be a good girl I'll see you soon." Annie did not like this plan she grabbed onto my shirt with a vice grip that only a toddler can posses.

"No! Come around and watch another film." she shouted as I tried again to put her on the floor.

"I will soon, come on Annie let go."

"Castiel!" dad shouted making me jump.

"Coming." I stuttered really trying too. Then dad opened his mouth and really showed everyone just how much of a dick he can be.

"You should teach your daughter discipline then Castiel and I would be on our way home already." I closed my eyes in embarrassment.

"What! Now look here!" john shouted opening my eyes in surprised, I saw Dean step forward to stop his dad.

"Dad. Drop it." Nikki talk Annie into her arms and turned to put her daughter in the car seat, it was obvious how pissed she was, I stared at the floor as I stepped backwards to dad trying not to catch any of the Winchesters eye.

"No Dean I wont, how dare you! She's a toddler and she loves spending time with your son. I love my children and there is nothing wrong with them."

"Well, that's, nice." Dad seemed to find that amusing, figures the talk of loving your children is what, fantasy to him I guess.

"When was the last time you told Cas you love him." My eyes snapped open at that, and honestly I thought I might just cry then and there because I knew the answer, never.

"Dad!" Dean shouted spared me and pitiful glance.

"Castiel what have you told them!" dad bellowed really angry now.

"Nothing, please can we just," I gestured to the car, and dad stormed towards it. "sorry. Bye." I took the family before me, the shocked looking family and were at a complete loss at to what just happened. I caught Dean's eye, and I swear we had one of those movie moments when ours eyes meet, my whole body itched to touch him, my hands twitched wanting nothing more than to touch him. "Bye Dean." I whispered before rushing towards the car and opened the passenger seat and joining dad in the tension filled car. Dad wasted no time in starting to engine and leaving the parking lot.

When we got home, I was told to go to my room and do my homework, which surprised me as he had never cared before. Just as I sipped my coffee and started my art idea research into fake identity's and trying to be someone else, my phone beeped and I couldn't open the text quick enough after I saw his name flash on my screen..

_**From Dean; heya bbe, wat was that about 2day wiv ur dad?**_

_**From Cas; Hi Dean, sorry about that. I guess he doesn't like being confronted.**_

_**From Dean; R u ok?**_

_**From Cas; I'm fine. I just miss you.**_

_**From Dean; then come ova!**_

_**From Cas; I wish I could but since I told my dad about Jo he's suddenly tried to get all involved in my life and won't let me out till I do my homework. It's strange. I don't like it.**_

_**From Dean; yeah I h8 it wen my folks do dat.**_

_**From Cas; no I mean dad being involved in my life and actually talking to me, it's weird. I know how messed up that sounds.**_

_**From Dean; Im sorry**_

_**From Cas; For what?**_

_**From Dean; That hes made u think like this. I love you.**_

_**From Cas; I love you too. I better go, I'll see you tomorrow.**_

_**From Dean; its not fair all I want to be able to do is kiss u wen I see u & I cant.**_

_**From Cas; I know how you feel. I'm sorry**_

_**From Dean; Its not ur fault.**_

_**From Cas; it is, I made you keep us a secret if you loved anyone else you wouldn't have this problem.**_

_**From Dean; Cas shut up right now I love you. I will neva love any1 else, I promise u, ur it for me. uve changed me, its like I was dead and u breathed life into me. I wud pick having u in secret ova having every1 and any1 in public every time.**_

_**From Cas; that was beautiful, even if your spelling wasn't. How did I get so lucky**_

_**From Dean; Theres nuffin wrong wiv my spelling its called text talk, & that's my line. Im the lucky 1.**_

_**From Cas; I have to go, and don't worry I'll make the whole no public contact thing up to you somehow.**_

_**From Dean; haha ill remember dat ;) Ill see u 2morro, I love u, so much xxxxx**_

I smiled reading that last text, I read through them at least three times before I got back to my work, smile still firmly in place.

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><p>I worked, well attempted to work, for around two hours when I simply couldn't anymore. I rushed downstairs and told dad I had finished and begged him to let me go see 'Jo' surprise, surprise he let me.<p>

I rushed out my house and into my beloved car. I lit a cigarette to smoke on the way before I fired up the engine I got my phone out to give Dean the good news.

_**From Cas; I told my dad I finished my homework, can I come around?**_

_**From Dean; hell yeah!**_

_**From Cas; I'll see you soon.**_

Just as I sent the message I reached his house, I strolled up the pathway and knocked on the door, within seconds the door flung open and Dean stood there, within second he pulled me in slammed the door and had me against it, attacking my mouth with his, not that I minded, the feeling was like, oh god I was just, awesome. I simple can't put it into words, I felt sick but consumed with ecstasy at the same time. You wouldn't understand unless it's happened to you, unless you've felt the touch of your one true love, unless you've felt his warm consume you, felt his heart and know without a shadow of a doubt it beats for you and you alone.

Anyway back to what soon turned into a very heavy make out session. I became extremely aware of where we were and somehow managed to stop and part our wet, full lips.

"We're in the hallway. I don't think your parent would appreciate the show."

"There out, only Sam's in and he's geeking out in his room." He told me with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Really?" I told him putting my hands around his neck and interlacing my fingers, mind suddenly swimming in ideas. Dean moving towards me, closing the gap and licking my neck, giving me shivers.

"All the things I could do to you." He mumbled against my skin. I grabbed his hair and pulled back gently so I could look into his eyes.

"Bedroom. Now." I breathed out desire burning through me.

Without another word Dean grabbed my ass with both hands and spun me around, putting me back of the floor and rushed me upstairs, just as we got to his bedroom door, Sam came out of his.

"Dean, have you seen-" Sam stopped when he saw us, his arms wrapped around me and one of my arms around his neck, the other under his shirt. "I, err. I'm going for a walk." He told us before near enough running down the stairs and out the door.

Dean started to chuckle at Sam,

"Poor Sammy." I didn't like how he got distracted, I took his and moved his head to we were looking at each other.

"No more talking." I told him before I lunged forwards and collided our lips, somehow I'm still not sure how we made it to his bed.

Before long we had near enough ripped each others clothes of and we lay naked, hot and sweaty on Dean's small bed that felt like it was the entire world. Dean was on top of me, our erections were pressed together rutting shamelessly against the other.

Dean started to lick and nip my nipples all I could do was shiver with pleasure, drowning in the feeling of his tongue, his body, his cock. Oh god his cock.

When that thought entered my head, I sat up and manoeuvred myself so I was on top; I lowered myself down his body placing kisses down his lean torso as I went. When I reached Dean's cock, I blow onto the tip. His cock was hard and leaking in front of my face. Dean lifted his hips to try to fasten the process of my obvious teasing.

"Fuck Cas." Dean breathed out at I slid my thumb over his sensitive tip. After a few slow licks of his large shaft Dean was shaking in anticipation of the sensation my mouth was promising.

Who was I to deny Dean? Well anymore more, so I wrapped my lips around his dick and I lowered my head swirling my tongue around the throbbing heated flesh as I did so.

Dean was mumbling something incoherent as I started to bob my head faster, I shoved his whole dick down my throat and bobbed a few times, before I had to remove it to coughed, my gag reflex failed me as I continued this, tears filling in my eyes as I tried to ignore the gagging, the feeling was glorious and if Dean fisting my head and pushing me down a little more was anything to go by Dean was loving it too.

I moved from my attempt of deep throat to lapping at his dick as I fondled his balls, before starting to pump his dick as I licked and sucked at his balls then returning to sucking his dick hard and fast.

I knew when Dean was about to coming because his face scrunched up and he began swearing rather loudly.

"I'm, I'm coming." He told me, I continued to suck until he pushed me off and came on his chest, legs shaking and hands fisting the duvet. "fuck." He sighed as he came down from his orgasm high. I laid next to him and watched him breath for a few moments.

"Why did you push me off?" I asked looking at the white liquid on my lovers chest.

"Didn't think you would appreciate me coming in your mouth. Would you?" Dean asked curiously, I smiled and decided that in this instance actions really do speak loudly then words. I lowered my head and lapped up his drying come, eyes never leaving his. "fuck." He mumbled as he watched me.

"Does that answer your question?" I said when I had finished and went back to his side.

"I'll remember that." He told me and he climbed on top of me. "Now, all the things I want to do to you, which first." He said idly as he raked his eyes over me.

"Dean, I was wondering." I said pushing him away slightly, he got the message and we sat facing each other, naked and covered only by his bed covers.

"Yeah?" Dean asked tracing patterns on the back on my hand with his finger.

"Do, do you wanna have sex?" Dean stopped in his movements, and looked at me a little taken back.

"Course, but I didn't want to push you. Thought we could just fool around but if you're up for it."

"Yes." I near enough interrupted him, god I was so horny and I really wanted him. But one problem entered my head, how did Dean want to do this? "But, how do you, how you?"

"What?" Dean asked naively missing me point, good I was really going to have to spell this out.

"Do you give or receive?" all I can say is bless Dean for not getting that straight away.

"What are you, oh." Dean looked at the covers as he blushed. "Well what do you?" Dean mumbled at me, I lifted his chin gently with my hand so I could look him in the eye, if we were adult enough to fuck, then we were adult enough to discuss it.

"I've done both." I told him honestly.

"You've had sex with guys before." Dean said, I think I heard jealously in his voice,

"Yeah." I said but I refused to apologise for it, I mean it's not like I've cheated or Dean's even a virgin.

"Didn't know that." Dean told me, looked back at the bed cover.

"Is that weird for you?" I asked rubbing his arm softly leaning closer a little, praying it wasn't too weird.

"Yeah, I mean no, not really. I guess it makes things easier. I mean you know what to do, you can teach me." We sat in silence for a few moments before I asked a question I knew wouldn't be received too well but I felt I had to ask it, I mean were in love we should be able to share these things right?

"Have you ever got off from your fingers?" I swear Dean went more red then I have ever seen someone go, I gave him a tender chaste kiss on those full soft lips before I spoke again. "Dean, there is no need to be embarrassed."

"I'm just not used to talking about this kind of stuff." He said with a shrug still not looking at me.

"Would it help if I took your mind off it as we speak?" I asked as I started to slowly pump his half hard cock, his eyes fluttered closed at the feeling.

"Fuck, yeah, yeah that's good."

"So?" I pushed as I kissed his neck a few times.

"I have, a few times." He admitted, I continued moving my hand and waited patiently for him to continue, well I was hoping he would. He opened his eyes and placed a hand on my cheek thumb stroking my cheekbone as he continued through his subtle moaning of the hand job I was still giving him. "I've had sex with girls before; I know the feeling of the whole penetrating thing. I err think I would like to try the other way."

"Really?" I asked hopefully, stopping the hand job so he could think about it probably with a clearer mind before making his mind up.

"Yeah, I mean we could always try the other way around another time." I smiled and kissed him, he smiled at me and I could tell he was nervous, I stoked a hand threw his hair and stroked his hand with the other.

"If it hurts too much I'll stop." I said to try and calm him down though I guess my words weren't very well chosen, he stiffened and looked even more nervous.

"Wait, hurts_ too_ much?" I was not going to lye to him, he deserved to be prepared.

"I will hurt Dean, at first but it does feel good." I promised him, I kissed his forehead before I continued. "Are you okay Dean, you've gone pale. We don't have to do this you know, if you're not ready." I reassured him.

"No, I'm ready. Just be gentle." He told me with a little smile.

"I wouldn't be anything else." I told him as I kissed him and began pumping his cock again.

"So how does this work?"

"First, kiss me." He lunged at me with a small smile at that, the kissed was passionate and full of tongue and teeth. "Lie down. Legs open." He did so and a blushed started to rise on his again.

"This feels weird." He said with a chuckle.

"You look hot." I told him because honestly he really did, naked and splayed out in front of me, fuck. "Do you have any lube?"

"Fuck!" he shouted, I take that as a no.

"It's okay."

"But don't you need it."

"Yeah. I have some." I said, his mouth fell open a little.

"You carry lube around with you?"

"It's in my car. I'll be right back." I told him with a small chuckle, I quickly threw on my jeans and Dean's shirt, after I gave him a kiss I left the room and hurried to my car and back again. "Hey honey, I'm home." I joked as I stripped and climbed back on the bed; it really did turn me on to see him in the same position. I lowered my head and began licking Dean's tight ring of muscles, his breathing hitched and deepened as my tongue did its work.

"You ready for the first finger?" I asked, he nodded and I coated my fingers in the cool sticky gel and rubbed it over his hole before slowly pushing in.

"Fuck." He hissed at the intrusion.

"It's okay I got you." I told him putting my hand on his stomach stroking the firmly but quivering muscles with my thumb. He seemed to relax and I started to move my finger in and out, slowly quickening the pace.

"another." He breathed out, eyes shut tight.

"You sure?" He nodded to I added a second lubed finger, his whole body tensed but soon relaxed as I started to thrust my fingers more.

"Fuck Cas. That feels so good." He told be and without warning I added a third. "Fuck!" he shouted but soon started to moan, soon my thrusting started to get faster and harder and I started to graze his prostate. "Uh! Oh god!" He shouted as I did so. After a few minutes he was moaning and quivering, cock hard as he begged for my dick.

"Go on your hands and knees, it'll be easier for me to enter you that way."

"Fuck, that's shouldn't be sexy, but fuck." He told me as he complied with my request. I removed my fingers and gave his hole a few more licks.

"You ready?" I asked, he nodded and I positioned myself behind him, lining up my cock with his hole. I held his hips running circles on them with my thumbs as I spoke. "Just, brace yourself. Remember to relax, I've got you." He nodded and I slowly pushed in.

"Uh fuck Cas!" he shouted and bucked away from me slightly. "It hurts."

"You need to relax" he nodded, I watched him shuffle a little, and concern overpowered the major horniness I felt form being inside Dean. "You want me to move or I could, get out?"

"No, move. Do it." He told me, I nodded and slowly started to move. "Uh!" was what kept escaping his lips as I continued to gently thrust in and out of his tight virgin hole, fuck it was so tight. "It's starting to feel, good. Fuck really good." He told me as he bucked back against my cock.

"Fuck Dean. You're so tight. Do you know how hard it is to keep from pounding into you." I told him through my panting.

"Fuck Cas you're so hot." He told me, and honestly it took all my strength not to bang him into next week. "Harder Cas." And oh my god the neediness in his voice, I almost came then and there.

"You sure?" I checked, still wanting to make sure he was okay, though not sure how I managed to form not only a logical thought never lone a sentence.

"Yes, I want you, to move, faster." With that the grip on his hips tightened three fold and I started to thrust harder and harder. "Uh!" he yelled as I hit his prostate again and again.

"Dean, Dean. I'm coming." I told him as my whole body started to go tingly and numb, strong and weak, hot and cold and oh so fucking good.

"God Cas, I want you to come in my ass, I want to feel it." At hearing those words, I completely lost it, I mean who wouldn't?

"Fuck!" I came, hard in Dean's ass, my thighs shook and collapsed onto his back as I milked out my orgasm.

"Oh god, Cas." He breathed when I came, I reached around his body and started to vigorously pump his rock hard cock and in no time he came over my hand and bed sheets. "Uh, Cas!" we stilled and stayed that way for a few moments out of breath and completely sated. I pulled out of him and collapsed onto the mattress, Dean followed suit.

"Oh my god." I breathed, because really that was truly amazing.

"Yeah." Dean answered with a smile as he wrapped his arms around me and I nuzzled into his chest.

"I love you."

"I fucking love you Castiel." He told me as he stroked my hair and dropped a kiss on my sweaty forehead. "I never thought I would say this, bit I love the feel of your dick in my ass." He laughed but I groaned, that must have been the single most hottest thing I have ever heard.

"Fuck Dean, do you have any idea just how much that turns me on?"

* * *

><p>We looked at each other and started to move in for another kiss when the familiar voice of Dean's cock blocker of a brother yelled at us from downstairs.<p>

"Dean I'm home! Mum, Dad and Annie will be back in a few minutes! I suggest you STOP what you are doing before they are home!"

"I guess that's my queue to leave." I told him as I stood up to fetch my clothes.

"Leave? What you do think this is? Wham bam thank you ma'am, well Dean." I felt horrible Dean both sounded and looked hurt.

"It's not like that." I told him rushing back to the bed straddling his hips and kissed him deeply.

"Then, stay for dinner. Dad said he's bringing home pizza."

"Okay." I said, after a few more minutes of making out, we decided we better get dressed before his family gets back so he did so begrudgingly. When we got downstairs, we made our way to the couch to start watching a film, Sam was there and he didn't seem pleased to see us.

"You two stink of sex." He whined arms crossed across his chest.

"I don't know what you mean." Dean said obviously trying to get a rise from his brother and it work instantly.

"I'm serious Dean; you two should probably spray yourselves or something." Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed the bottle of lynx off the side table and gave both of us a good spray.

"Better?" he shouted as he made his way to the kitchen

"It would be better if you did that before I knew why you needed to do it." I sat down on the couch next to him, I really did feel bad for him.

"Sorry Sam." I told him as he watched TV, he turned to me and smiled.

"It's okay Cas. It's good to see Dean happy, jerk though he is."

"I heard that bitch." He said as he came back in with three cans of Pepsi and gave one to both me and Sam before settling down on the sofa next to me, with an arm around my shoulders I lent into him and we began watching TV.

When the rest of Dean's family got back they were thankfully unaware of what happened between Dean and I. when Annie saw me she practically jumped on me, though she was tired and soon went off to bed.

As promised john came in with pizza and I was welcomed to stay and have some, they were so nice.

Dean his family and I ate, talked and watched TV until the evening, I was extremely thankful that neither John nor Nikki noticed the way Dean kept shuffling in his seat and wincing a little if he sat in the wrong position.

I had to leave to go home sooner than I wanted but it there was school tomorrow.

On the way home I wondered if Dean and I had rushed things, I mean we were only officially together for a few days before we had sex, but I decided not to think of it like that, we are young and horny as fuck. Plus we're in love completely and utterly head over heels, in love. As I pulled into the drive way I decided that no, we weren't going to fast, we weren't pushing or pressuring each other, things just moved at their own pace, what more can you ask?

I went to bed that night with a naked Dean on my mind, and in my dreams, the events of the day on constant replay, in slow mo, HD, surround sound and I must say it was the hottest night's sleep I have ever had.

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><p><strong>Okay so there it is, they finally did it! Yay lol <strong>

**sorry but I had to have a Top!Cas ;)**

**Hope you liked it, please review! :D xxx**


	38. Chapter 38

**Heya, i've nearly finished my second year at uni therefore i will have more time to write**

**enjoy! :D**

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><p>It was incredibly hard to be hands off in school, considering all I could think of was jumping my boyfriend's bones. But I managed it; okay not completely I dragged him into an empty classroom at lunch for a quick heated make out session. In hindsight it probably wasn't the best idea because I was extremely turned on for the rest of the day. I was extremely happy that our friends were fine with Dean and I, actually they really weren't that surprised.<p>

I spoke to Jo and I was relived at how cool she was about the whole thing, she really is awesome. I nervously asked her to come for dinner tomorrow thankfully she agreed and gave me a hug, god if I wasn't gay and in love with her best friend I guess she would make a really good girlfriend, she was pretty and funny but like I said, gay. That evening Jo came around, she sat quietly answered dads questions calmly and was touchy when she needed to, I was impressed. Half was through dinner she placed her hand over mine that was resting on the table, we shared a friendly smile and I didn't miss my dad's huge grin at Jo's actions. At that moment I seriously loved that girl. Jo had offered to wash the dishes but when dad said no we went to the sofa and watched some TV I put my arm around her and she placed her head on my shoulder, we stayed that way until Jo had to go home, I must say I was a little surprised and relieved we managed to pull it off, dad didn't suspect a thing. From that moment dad gave me more freedom, he trusted me more and the more he let me go out in the evening to 'Jo's' the more I came home with tousled hair, full kissed and bitten lips, and marks that only teenagers in a lust filled frenzy could make on the other.

Dean and I have been together for a month now, and I have come to certain conclusions. Hugging Jo felt nothing like when Dean and I embraced, with Dean it felt like fire and ice, okay that's an exaggeration but Dean's touch gave me a sickly tingerly feeling, I could feel in the pit of my stomach and even in the tips of my toes. With Jo I just felt well nothing really, it felt good to be close to someone, someone I liked and trusted, a friend. So I felt relaxed but I didn't feel that mind numbing, sickening, confused, painful nouring feeling that only love can give you.

It was the moment when I first had my arm around Jo on my fathers couch did I know, I knew for sure that Dean was the one, that only the other half halve of you, only the person that your supposed to be with the rest of your life could make you feel the way he did. I know what you're thinking, it's lust and you're right I was in lust every time I saw him I wanted to kiss him, to rip his clothes off, but I knew the difference between love and lust and I felt both.

Yes I still found it hard to keep my difference at school and yes we have dragged each other into empty classrooms and closets for some much needed contact and yes whenever I went around to Dean's, which admittedly was most days we went straight to Dean's room to his bed, granted we have only had sex that one time but Dean isn't comfortable doing it when his parents and little sister are in the house, it probably has some thing to do with the fact the walls are paper thin and he has no lock on the door. Anyway where was I, oh yes as soon as I went around we went to his bed, were we made out and did basically everything you can do without actually having sex, but after that when the immediate need for contact has gone, when we are spent, out of breath, after the mess has been cleaned and we settle down and watch a film, and share some food we lay in each others arms and I melt into it, the feeling of arms around me, knowing I was loved and protected, he would hold me as we would talk for hours about anything and everything. Yes there was lust which only seem to be getting stronger but there was also love, and I loved him more than I ever thought I could love. When I thought of a life without him I physically hurt, I knew that I couldn't be happy without him.

With that in mind, I decided what to do for my art project 'identity', I mentioned I was more into photography well that's my medium. A series of black and white photos of me and Jo doing 'couple' things, when all the time Dean is in the back ground and I'm watching him; things like, dancing or hugging, kissing and eating together. I knew the meaning was pretty obvious but I was getting so frustrated with living a fucking lye, I had to vent and this was the only way I saw I can.

My art teacher needless to say was a little surprised but she loved the idea, said it was original and very personal, which it was. I started to shoot the pictures and doing it with Dean and Jo was just asking for trouble. We kept getting distracted and ended up spending double the time planned doing half the work, oh but it was fun but we spent most the time laughing and it was great, Dean and I could be just be normal, hold hand and kiss in front of someone, it felt good. Thankfully since Dean and I got together Jo has seemed to have gotten the message and has started to talk about some guy her mum knows and how 'hot' he is, I'm just glad she's moving on. She seems happier now which was great we were all happier, especially my dad that was still none the wiser.

It was getting near Christmas and had just broken up from school. Dean and I were so excited, our first Christmas together. We decided not to buy each other presents but to make them. I'm pretty sure it had some thing to do with Dean running out of money and not wanting to get me something cheap. But I don't mind I found the idea cute but I had no idea what to do. The day before Christmas eve we decided to designate as our Christmas, I went around in the morning planning on hanging out all day, hopefully in bed.

I got my wish we went upstairs as soon as I had arrived, Dean had practically dragged me. As soon as the door was shut I was shoved up against it and before I could come back with one of my awesome one liners Dean had covered my mouth with his. We made out for, god knows how long all I know is I had to retrieve my tongue and pull away for air before I passed out.

"Hmm I always miss this." I told him interlacing my fingers around him neck, feeling warm and complete, the way I always did when I was with Dean.

"Yeah? I missed this." He whispered in the low tone he speaks in when he's trying to seduce me knowing full well I found that voice incredibly sexy and near enough irresistible. Our eyes still locked as he sunk to his knees.

"Fuck." I whispered as he started to palm my crotch and already half hard dick. He smirked as he unbuttoned my jeans, unzipped me and pulled my jeans and boxers down my thighs. My cock sprung out of the fabric cage and hit the cooling air.

I bit my lip, closed my eyes and lent my head against the door, as I waited for the sensations that Dean was promising.

He gently held the base of my dick and did nothing; he was teasing me, the bastard. I trying moving my hips forward a little but Dean held them in place with his other hand.

"Dean, please" I begged in a shaky breath, eyes shut tight, cock extremely hard now. Then without warning Dean launched his warm wet mouth onto my cock and sucked hard. The sudden sensations were so strong I couldn't stop the instant moan escape my lips and my knees actually buckled a little.

As Dean sucked my dick I carded my fingers through his hair for a second before gripping his hair and pushing his head down further and faster.

My mind buzzed and went numb as Dean's now expert tongue swirl about my shaft and worked my cock to the point that I was either coming or was going to pass out from the intense feeling coursing throughout my body.

"Fuck, I'm, uh, coming." I stuttered out trying to warn him, Dean didn't like to swallow come, he didn't like the taste but to my surprise he didn't stop bobbing his head. I tried to warn him again but I was so close I couldn't, I came in Dean's mouth, and he continued to suck, which meant I came harder and longer than usual, as I did I screamed, I couldn't help it, I tried not to.

Dean pulled away chocking and spat half of it out into an empty glass as I watched still leaning against the door, breathing heavy and hardly able to move.

"Wow." I panted out still catching my breath. Dean walked over to me with a lopsided smile and gently pulled my jeans and boxers up but didn't do my jeans up, he took my hand and took me to the very inviting bed.

"Told you I missed you." Dean spoke through a little laugh when he saw my slightly confused face.

"I love you." I told him as a wrapped my arms around him, and Dean rested his head on my chest.

"Love you too baby" we laid in silence for a few moments. I ran my hand up and down his arm and he lazily kissed my t-shirt clad chest. My mind was swirling, too many thoughts and worries started circling, I couldn't not voice them, though I knew it probably wasn't the best idea in the world.

"How long do you think we can keep this up?" I asked.

"You want to test it?" Dean asked looking at me, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Dean you know what I mean." I said sounding very serious and stroking a hand down his face.

"It can go on as long as we want it too. I never want it to end." Dean spoke softly, a strike of fear in his voice, I didn't like that.

"Well I don't either," I couldn't speak any more as Dean straddled my hips.

"There we go then, stop talking and take your clothes off." He ordered before crushing our lips together, I knew it was a way of not talking about it but I was alright with that, I didn't want to talk about it either.

"Yes sir." I mumbled through the kisses.

Before I knew it, we were in our boxers rolling around on Dean's bed, it being a single bed we almost fell off a few times.

After we made out, groped and dry humped each other for at least an hour, I had Dean on his back, with well lubed fingers in his ass, stroking inside the tight ring of muscles and grazing the small bud of nerves that made his squirm, shake and moan into his hand each time. I started to suck Dean's cock and I continued to finger him, he was soon coming as he moaned into his pillow so his parents didn't hear. Though to be honest I am pretty sure they did already, at least I was sure Sam had heard, he started to play his music- rather loudly since I first screamed when Dean was on his knees.

When Dean came down from his orgasm high I laid on my front next to him, watching him pant and knowing I did that to him, I felt accomplished.

He looked over and we smiled at each other he kissed my forehead and looked me up and down.

He fixed his eyes on my feet and sat up. I watched him completely confused, as he grabbed my ankles.

"What are you doing?" I asked but realised when I turned and saw his thumbs grazing over the small tattoo I had on each heel.

"How did I miss these?"

"Well there only small." On my right heel was a peace sign and one the other a smiley face. "I was high" I told him of a way of explanation; Dean laughed and laid back down next to me.

"And here's me thinking I've kissed every part of you." Me smirk and lent forward softly capturing my lips between his full kiss swollen ones.

Dean got off the bed and pressed play on his CD player and climbed back on the bed and enveloped me in his arms. No sooner did he settle down did I jump up out of his embrace.

"Oh you have to have your present." I told him as grab the bag I dropped by his bedroom door. I fished out a heart shaped boxed and handed it to Dean as I sat cross legged on the mattress. "For me? You shouldn't have." He gasped in fake shock, and covered his heart. "I didn't get you anything." He told me and I hoped he was joking, I was stunned for a few beats, until I saw the glint in his eye and the slight up turn of the left side of his lips did I realise.

"Stop fucking with me." I told him hitting him softly in the shoulder.

"Now there's an idea." He shot back and grabbed a kiss.

"Dean." Okay so I whined, but I wanted my present and hey I'm gay I am entitled to through a hissy now and again, luckily Dean caved before I did.

"Okay, okay, here." He told me and handed me a small rectangular shaped box.

"Yay!" I shouted as I grabbed, I love presents, and because this one was from Dean I loved it all the more, and that's before I had opened it yet.

"Cas?"

"Yeah?" I asked just before I was about to open the box.

"Explain?" Dean looked confused, the box was filled with loads- a hundred and one to be precise, little rolled up tea bagged pieces of card to look little scrolls.

"Each one is I love you in a different language." The look of adoration on Dean's face as the confusion melted away made my face heat up and I had to look away.

"It's perfect." He whispered, lifted my chin up so our eyes meet and we moved in slowly like in those fucking film moment kind of kiss and god it felt like a god damn movie kiss, Dean's lips still managed to make my stomach lurch.

I smiled it was my time to open a present, I could feel Dean's eyes on me as I did so.

"Oh Dean!" I basically screamed, I love it, it was perfect, simple, beautiful, best present ever.

"Sorry it's not much." He shrugged and I instant shock my head. I held up the scramble tile holder with the letter I LOVE YOU glued onto it and placed it careful on the side.

"I love it." I kissed him "And I love you." I kissed him again, harder and he twirled me around so I was on my back and he began peppering my chest with kisses.

Well spent the next five hours in bed, we ate and watched films, perfection, pure perfection. The last one we watched 101 Dalmatians because I found it in Dean's room and of course it was Annie's and Dean had no idea how it got in his room, yeah right. Just as the film ended and the credit rolled my beautiful lover looked down at me- I had spent the majority of the film with my head on his chest listening to his heart as he held me and played with my hair.

"I have something else for you." Dean whispered before standing and pulled out an A4 sheet of paper from his sketch pad and gave it to me. Tears instantly welled in my eyes. It was us, he had drawn us three times, the first picture was of me standing with Dean behind my hugging my waist wit his face in my neck, the other of us spooning as we slept, Dean was the bigger spoon and the last and biggest was us kissing, all three were pencil sketched, and looked beautiful and in the corner Dean had written

'_Merry Christmas,  
><em>_The first of many,  
><em>_Forever yours  
><em>_Dean  
><em>_xxx'_

When I looked up at Dean I swear no word of a lie I was in full on tears, I was so happy, so unbelievably happy. He gently wrapped his arms around me and held me tight as I kept repeating that I loved him and he whispered sweet nothings into my ear, as I cried. It was perfect, expect the crying part, but for once they were tears of happiness so I didn't mind so much.

I hated the idea of leaving Dean's room, but I knew I had too. I had promised dad it being Christmas eve tomorrow, that I would be home from 'Jo's' before eleven, so I had to go. Needless to say I was late, our goodbye was a lot longer and sweatier then I thought it would be. Unfortunately I had to keep the drawing at Dean's encase dad saw it but I took my other present and when I got home, I was still so blissfully happy dad's moans at being late didn't even register.

I went upstairs and gently placed the present on my bed side table. After grabbing some food and taking a well deserved shower I kissed Dean's gift, sent Dean a loved filled soppy good night text which I got a text beck just as sappy, before closing my eyes and dreaming of the perfect future that unfortunately I knew we could never have.

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><p><strong>Cas' present for Dean- the different language scroll present is what I gave to my boyfriend a few valentine days ago lol<strong>

**oh its my brithday tomorrow- i'll be 20 lol so please review for me haha ;) xx**


	39. Chapter 39

**Heya :D so sorry I have not updated any of my stories in ages, I had no internet for fricking ever, and have only recently got it back so here's a new chapter, I know its summer so a Christmas chapter is a bit weird but hey it's fiction just go with it ;)**

**Thank you for your reviews they all do mean so much to me :D I know everyone says that but its true they do **

**Hope you enjoy :P xx**

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><p>Christmas Eve was nothing special, though I did spend the day down stairs watching Christmas films with dad, it was pleasant.<p>

We had a cold buffet in the early evening consisting of sandwiches sausage rolls etc, its silly I know but it's what we used to do it as a family when I was little, so we just continued it, it was tradition.

When it got to eight o'clock I began reading the first half of Romeo and Juliet, but the end of the first half I was in tears, I always am. Thankfully dad got the small two person turkey out the freezer to defrost because I had forgotten.

I had a very peaceful evening, dad wished merry Christmas as I went to bed and patted me on the shoulder and gave me a nod.

I woke up at half twelve on Christmas day, I woke feeling rested and calm, I remember when Christmas was magical a joyous occasion, where you'd wake up stupidly early buzzing with excitement for the day was here, the day you've been waiting for since boxing day last year, but now its just another day.

I woke to find a bunch of texts from my friends. I don't really remember how they found out about Dean and I, I guess they just kinda figured considering how close we were, that and the mystery of Jo and mine's 'relationship' either way they hadn't started hating, they just sort of shrugged it off as an obvious development, it shocked me, is this how normal people respond? Either way I was thrilled that I could have a boyfriend- all be it secret as well as friends.

As I looked at my inbox my smile grew huge when I saw the first was from Dean.

_**From Dean; happy Halloween! Haha, Good morning my lover, never forget how much I love you, have a day thats half as beautiful as you are and you'll have the best day ever :D tell any one I said that and I will deny it. Can't wait to see you xxx**_

_**From Becki; merry Christmas huni :)**_

_**From Jo; happy Christmas my 'lover' aha!**_

_**From Chuck; merry X-mas**_

_**From Bella; happy holidays!**_

_**From Claire; HAPPY CHRISTMAS! :D**_

_**From Sam; happy Christmas, Dean is already pining over you, seriously its kind of sad, have a great day :)**_

I replied to all of them, I felt very lucky to have these friends, they were awesome, Sams text made me laugh, the idea of Dean pining was too cute.

I slowly made my way downstairs at one, after nearly finished the rest of romeo and juliet. Pyjama bottoms hung low on my hips, shirt forgotten and hair tousled. It was Christmas day, and I really could not be asked to hide my tattoos from my dad's eyes today, I mean he knew about them, but I knew he hated them. This was made eminent by my dads first comment to me on Christmas day; "Really Castiel, why would you do that to your body, it looks disgusting." Charming I thought but send nothing as I reached into the fridge for orange juice.

I sat on the counter and cradled the glass in my hands.

"Merry Christmas." I muttered before I took a sip.

"Yeah, you too Castiel." Dad told me before he pulled out a card and put it in front of me. "Here." He gestured to the envelope, I opened it, to find it contained five $20 bills.

"Thank you." I told him with a smile before taking another sip.

"Well I didn't know what to get you. This way you get something you like."

"Yeah." I agreed though I hated the present, it just showed how little he knew about me. $100 was great but I would have preferred a heart felt gift costing $5 then what dad did. But I didn't say anything what would be the point. I left the kitchen to go to my room, I put the money in my draw and pulled out the small Christmas wrapped present for dad and went back to the kitchen. "Here you go dad." I handed it over, we exchanged smiles and I watched him open it.

"Thank you Castiel, we were a family then." Dad held a simple silver patterned photo frame with a picture of me, Jimmy, Mum and Dad, I watched as dad ran a hand over the two faces that were missing.

"We still are." I said, I felt a pinched of anger in my stomach, I was still alive we were still a family, all be it small and unhappy but I was still his son.

"Course, right well I'll put this in my office." Dad told me as he strolled to the door, put on his coat and picked up his brief case. I stared blankly for a moment, not really registering what was happening, not until dad opened the door,

"You're going to work?" I asked, no he can't the bastard can't, not at Christmas!

"I've got some figures to look over." I stared at him for a moment, complete dick! But I didn't say anything, what good would it do.

"Will you be back for dinner?" I asked through gritted teeth as I looked away from him.

"Of course, it's Christmas." Well at least he realises that.

"Of course." I grunted out, it took a lot out of me to bite my tongue. "I'll start it now, should be at the usual time."

"Bye." Dad told me as he stepped out of the house, a moment later sticking his head back around the door. "And merry Christmas Castiel." Then he left.

I sighed, I honestly felt like crying he didn't even want to spend Christmas with me.

I turned the oven on and stuck some bread in the toaster.

I got comfy on the sofa and stuck on the ugly truth- I know but I love Gerald butler hmm, and I was sick of anything remotely Christmassy, I took my phone out and typed out a message as I munched my peanut butter on toast.

_**From Castiel; merry Christmas, have a lovely day, give Annie a kiss from me, I love you so much xxxxxx**_

_**From Dean; MERRY CHRISTMAS! Will do, she's been asking about you, get anything good? Love you too, wish you were yeah ;) xxxxxx**_

_**From Castiel; got a $100 from my dad, and a beautiful scramble themed gift from the love of my life. Did you get anything good? Oh and I've been told you are pining over me.**_

_**From Dean; wow! A lot of money :) and this love of your life sounds like a real catch, don't let him go ;) and if you have to know yes, I am pining over you, I miss you like crazy but that doesn't change the fact I am going to kill Sammy when I see him. And OMG you will not believe it, you know my dads car I said he promised me when I graduate? He gave it to me this morning! Say he wont need it, he's got a job here! The only way this would be a better Christmas is if you were here.**_

_**From Castiel; That's amazing Dean, I'm so happy for you! And he is a catch; I don't plan on letting him go. I wish I was, beats being here on my own.**_

_**From Dean; wait, what do you mean, on your own? Where the fuck is your dad?**_

_**From Castiel; work.**_

_**From Dean; IT'S CHRISTMAS!**_

_**From Castiel; I know, he has numbers to look over.**_

_**From Dean; That's fucking ridiculous! Serious baby, why do you keep us hidden to please him! He's a dick!**_

_**From Castiel; he's my dad Dean, I love him. He's my family, the only family I have, please understand that.**_

_**From Dean; I'm sorry Cas, I love you but I don't understand and I love you too much to lye and pretend I do, family don't end in blood, just because he's your father doesn't mean he's your dad. He doesn't treat you like a son, you should be proud of who you are and so should he!**_

_**From Castiel; please Dean I don't want to argue with you, not on Christmas. You knew what you were getting into when you wanted to be with me, you said you were okay with it.**_

_**From Dean; I'm sorry Cas, I know what I said, I do love you. I don't want to argue either. I want you happy Cas and if us being in secret will do that then I'll do it for you.**_

_**From Castiel; I hope you'll understand one day Dean, but thank you for going along with it anyway, I love you too.**_

_-Ten minutes later-_

_**From Dean; knock, knock.**_

_**From Castiel; huh?**_

_**From Dean; it's a joke Cas, knock, knock.**_

_**From Castiel; oh okay, who's there?**_

_**From Dean; me.**_

_**From Castiel; I don't get it.**_

_**From Dean; open the door and you will.**_

_**From Castiel; is this still part of the joke?**_

_**From Dean; oh Christ Cas you're so adorably clueless, get up and open the fucking front door.**_

I laughed to myself as I tossed my phone to the sofa and walked to the door. "Dean?" I shouted as I clapped eyes on him, really didn't expect this.

"Heya." I couldn't stop myself from flinging my arms around his neck and hugging the life out of him.

"What are you doing here?" I basically screamed into his ear, not ready to let him go just yet.

"What a lovely greeting." I snorted with laughter as I pulled back, my eyes lowered and I caught sight of the most hideous Christmas jumper you will ever see, I honestly don't know why I wasn't in hysterics, probably because I found the sight just too adorable to laugh at. "I couldn't have you being alone at Christmas."

"Oh I love you." I told him lunging forward and pulling him into another hug.

"Ho, ho, ho. I come baring gifts." Dean joked as he pulled out a square present neatly wrapped with a gold bow on top.

"I already have your gift." I told him a little confused as I looked at the present.

"This is from the family." He told me as he thrust it into my hands.

"The family?" I asked again now properly confused at Dean's choice of words.

"Yeah, our family, you know they see you as part of the family, they tell me you're good for me, you're a good influence and that I'm happier than they've ever seen me. I have been ordered to tell you this." He told me as he wrapped his arms around my waist so my back was pushed against his warm Christmas covered chest. His words turned both of us into grinning idiots, after kissing me on the neck just before my left ear Dean rested his chin on my shoulder and watched me open the present.

"It's gorgeous." I told him as I stared in awe at the beautiful sliver watch; I slipped it on, and gently tossed the box on the couch before turned around, still encased in his arms. "Thank you." I leaned forward to capture his lips, when Dean pulled out another small box and put it in front of my face, obstructing my efforts to kiss him.

"This is from me." He informed me with a wink.

"But," I started to protest but he cut me off with his explanation, knowing what I was about to say.

"I know, we said we wouldn't buy each other anything but I had too." He told me with a shrug and I could not stop the smile stretch across my face.

"Thank god!" I breathed out before running outside to my car leaving an understandably confused Dean behind me.

"Huh?" I heard him say. "Cas?" he shouted for me through my open front door. When I returned I had a carefully wrapped present in my hand.

"I brought you this, I didn't know if I should give it you or not. Here."

We both laughed as we took our gifts and hastily opened them.

Dean brought me a ring- not one that signalled wedding bells where too young for that, but it may as well have been considering how happy it made me. The ring was silver, though I was soon corrected and told it was white gold, with angel wings carved into the front and an inscription on the inside that read _'my angel' _it was perfect.

Dean opened his present and seemed just as touched and happy with his which I was relieved at. I got Dean a silver bracelet, not to lavish, understated. It was plain apart from the infinity sign on the front, I know its cheesy but me and Dean for infinity, sounded pretty damn good to me.

We kissed and once again was able to feel his sleek tongue against mine. After a moment or two we tumbled onto the couch, our sudden frantic hands and needy kisses turned into slowly tender lazy ones and I ended up laying on him head on chest as we watched the Muppets Christmas carol, suddenly feeling so much more Christmassy and 'jolly' that film by the way to possibly the best Christmas film, ever.

The film was nearing to the end and it was properly the film getting to me but I started to feel guilty, here Dean was with me on Christmas day, when his family no doubt want to spent time with him too, I was being selfish.

"You should spend today with family." It didn't matter if I was speaking the truth Dean was having none of it, his arms around me tightened as he replied quickly, leaving no room for argument.

"Well your part of my family too. Can't have you alone on Christmas day."

"Thank you." I resorted to say, because here I may have felt a little guilty for stealing him away but it was Christmas I was on my own and they do say you should spend Christmas with those you love.

The film ended and we ended up channel surfing until for some reason Dean stopped on some Flintstone Christmas special.

It didn't take long for Dean's attention to begin to wonder and his hand to began active and grabby.

"When's your dad back?" he asked as he sat up, forcing me to as well. He was trying to sound seductive, which really did work.

"Not till dinner time." I informed him with a grin, and within what must have been half a second at the most Dean's hands pulled me towards him. I soon straddled him and took that god awful t-shirt him. His hands went to my waist and when I stopped, removed my tongue from his mouth and tried to get up. "Wait, I need to sort dinner." Dean held my legs a little tighter and tried to puppy look me into continuing. "Don't pout; you want me to burn it?" I quickly went to the kitchen and returned as soon as I could and instead of getting back on his lap, I knelt in-between his legs and gave his stomach a long slow lick before I spoke again. "Now we have 45 minutes until I need to glaze the turkey and put in the oil to heat." I know really not sexy but I was not prepared to burn Christmas dinner, not after all the work I put in. despite Dean being obviously turned on he still laughed at my words.

"You would make someone a very good wife one day." That made me smirk, I stood and held me hand out for him.

"Lets test that, come upstairs and fuck me." I really didn't need to tell him twice, before I knew it he was pushing me to the stairs, and I was only too willing to let him. This was turning out to be one of the best Christmas' yet.

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><p><strong>Hope you like ;D <strong>**Please review :)**


	40. Chapter 40

**heya :D **

**Thank you for the reviews! love them all and all of you so much, it's awesome lol :)**

**This chapter is written a little differently than the others, i tried to cut out a lot of the detail so i could get to the next part of the story.**

**It was really hard, because i could easily have written at least three chapters from this, but like i said i needed to get to the next part of the story**

**this chapter carrys on straight from the last **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>We did something incredibly reckless, stupid and for some reason a little hot, we had sex on my father's bed. We stumbled upstairs lips never leaving each others and hands becoming increasingly needy and urgent. We made our way along the hallway; the entire time switching which one of us was pinning the other to the wall. So this reckless, stupid thing? Well, because all the kissing and groping and quick frankly dry humping felt so damn good, I temporally lost my bearings and we stumbled into what I thought was my room. We were both so distracted I only noticed when we collapsed onto the bed that it was not mine. I looked around the room confused, through my lust filled eyes; my concentration was not helped by Dean's lips tongue and teeth attacking my neck.<p>

"Damn it." I muttered, making Dean faltered slightly, that was not the curse words he was expecting to fall from my lips. He stopped kissing my neck but did not create distance. Being so close his breathe skating over my over sensitive neck making me shiver and lose track of what was so fucking important I stopped my boyfriend doing such wonderful things with his mouth.

"What is it baby?" he breathed out onto my neck before nipping at the reddened skin making my hips buck up.

"We have to leave." I knew I was speaking barley half heartedly, I knew we should leave but fuck, Dean's hands felt so good.

"What?! Why?"

"This is my dad's rooms."

"So?"

"You've met my dad right?" I tried to joke but I didn't get every far when his fingers dipped under my waist band, he was really teasing me. It felt so good, especially when he started to insert him teeth into the equation again. "God. Why do you have to be so fucking sexy?"

"Fuck, I really want to fuck you. I like the thought of doing it here. It's kind of like a middle finger to your dad." I chocked out a laugh at that.

"Well if you say it like that." I smirked this time making Dean laugh, though all humour dispersed within a few seconds when he began thrusting his hips down to rub us together. All thoughts of our location melted as we lost ourselves to the sensations we were giving each other.

The sex was awesome; the feeling of Dean inside me was the best feeling in the world. Thankfully we finished in time for me to see to dinner. All I wanted was to curl up with my boyfriend and be encased in his warmth, alas we knew it wasn't to be. My dad would be back soon and Dean could not be here when he can home. So we said a rather emotional goodbye, and he left. I physically hurt to watch him leave but I knew it would be okay and I would be him again soon.

I will be eternally grateful that the rest of the day went by without incidence. When dad got back he didn't suspect anything and dinner was finish on time and not burnt. I was getting good at this, I think Dean's right and I will make a good wife. That thought put a smile on my face. Unfortunately it was during dinner and I got a few strange looks from dad, it was the one time I liked our lack of communication because he didn't question it, he merely grunted and tucked back into his turkey.

Unfortunately I managed to get the fucking flu on Boxing Day, the flu! Not even man flu, the full blown heads about to explode; it hurts to move kind of flu. All I wanted was for Dean to come and take care of me. This of course he didn't do because dad was going over some papers in the living room.

Dean shared this view, we texted non-stop, despite it hurting my fingers I was not prepared to stop, and he called in the evenings. I think if it is possible it made me love him even more, he was so incredibly sweet. He wanted to come over and look after me, though I vetoed that idea, I was not willing to risk it with my dad downstairs.

Not that Dean listened of course. He had somehow managed to shimmy himself up to my window and climb inside, all without waking me up. When I did wake from my mid after noon nap, I was surprised to feel strong warm arms around me and my face full on teenage abs and worn out t-shirt, I smiled instantly, I knew that scent. My Dean was here. Some how I snuggled up to him in my sleep, like my unconscious was reaching out to him, seeking him out. He was slowly running his finger tips across my heated skin, it felt incredibly soothing. Our eyes meet and smiles were shared, but neither of us spoke. We didn't have to.

Of course it would be now that my dad decided to care all of a sudden, his knocking, nearly gave Dean and I a heart attack. Within a matter of seconds Dean had made a mad rush to the closet and dad came in. it was like something from a freaking film, only it wasn't it was my fucking life; I was to ill for this shit.

Dad came in and asked how I was, he gave me some soup and left.

Dean emerged from my closet with a stupidly sexy smirk. After that close call I told him in the politest way possible to get out. That was just too close. We shared a tentative chaste kiss, not wanting to get him sick too and he left.

I was feeling better after that, and was almost back to normal in time for New Years Eve. I went to Becki's for her New Years party, everyone was there and it was great to see everyone again. I spent almost the entire time on Dean's lap, only Sam mentioned something about it being sickening, though as Dean's brother I guess he was allowed, everyone else well mainly the girls thought it was sweet and told us this many, many times.

The music was blaring and the drinks were flowing and I was happily drunk and shamelessly straddling Dean's lap as we all sat on the floor in a circle. We were playing some new drinking game Jo taught us but to be honest we were all too drunk to understand how to play properly, it was fun nonetheless.

Me and Dean shared a kiss at midnight, it was different from the heated passionate drunk kisses we had already shared that night. This one was soft and gentle and was so much more than a kiss. It was a promise. A silent promise of love and devotion, I had never felt a kiss like that. We started the year together, we started the year in love and that kiss seemed to say well end it together and start a new one. At that moment I was certain nothing could stop us, nothing could break us.

Of course I was drunkenly optimistic of just how strong I was. But at that moment neither of us could think of anything but how much we love the other.

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><p><strong>So what you think? sorry to leave on such an ominous note .<strong>

**anyway, please review and make my day! :D**


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